Can we have a closed forum for kollel wives?

Tehilla

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:22 pm

ora_43 wrote:

creativemommyto3, just because others are on the same level doesn't mean they're living the same lifestyle. It's not that a kollel wife is better than a woman whose husband learns part-time, but she's in a different situation, and unfortunately one that some people like to criticize. I haven't seen women being bashed here for working while their husband works a low-income job or working a few extra hours so he can learn a few extra hours (although I wouldn't be surprised if it happened and I missed it), but those with husbands in kollel really get nasty comments sometimes.

actually SAHMs have had a problem, which brings about my (non-confrontational) point above.

and GR, I'm pretty sure it was requested for natural parenting to be closed.

ora_43

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:25 pm

Tehilla wrote:

actually SAHMs have had a problem, which brings about my (non-confrontational) point above.
.

There are people who complain that women spend too much time with their kids??? Wow, live and learn.

gryp

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:35 pm

Tehilla, I don't remember that many people speaking up last time requesting those forums to be closed- were there? We can always try again.

Creativemommy, you say you don't care but you sound like you do, very much. If you buy into the thing that kollel families are "better" then I could see why it might bother you. Maybe since I don't believe that I have an easier time not caring about a closed forum.
But what goes on in closed forums isn't supposed to be publicized.

ora_43

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:35 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

I genuinely have a hard time seeing the difference. A kollel wife earns parnasa and does all the housework and most of the childcare, if not all. I also have questions on when I should disturb my husband's learning etc.

I am just getting the impression here that kollel women are on this higher plateau .... I agree that the kollel ppl get nasty comments.

I don't think asking for a private forum is about being better. It's about avoiding people who just like to bash. Same with the bt/ger forum for example, it's not about being better, it's about discussing bt issues without getting criticized.

I don't think you'd be criticized for starting a thread on when it's appropriate to disturb your husband's learning. I would find that very interesting, and I'm sure others whose husbands don't learn full-time would be interested as well. Like you said, we should all be striving to be "machshiv Torah."

Last edited by ora_43 on Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

ChutzPAh

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:08 pm

I think CreativeMommy is just very sensitive about this topic because in her neighborhood she is made to feel like a second class citizen because her husband is working. This is what comes across from her other previous postings.

Atali

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:22 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

ps. I just want to be included b/c I want to learn on how to cope with things like needing my husband when he is learning...etc etc.

I also hate the kollel bashing.

What about the women who's dh's were in full time kollel but had to leave?

Creativemommy,

I think you are missing the point. If you were to post you dilemma here, I am sure that you would get nothing but respect and admiration. After all, what is not to respect. Your husband works to support his family and is still dedicated to learning, and you are happily moser nefesh to support that.

However, unfortunately that is not the case for the kollel wives on this board. Many people here do not look at kollel families with admiration, but rather with distain and disgust, considering them to be abdicating their responsibility at best, and an imposition on society at the worst.

This is why kollel wives in particular need there own forum.

If there has been a single thread on the main forum written by a kollel wife looking for advice that did not turn into a debate about kollel, please provide the link here.

I have yet to see one Sad

creativemommyto3

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:35 pm

Atali wrote:

Because not all kollel wives are yeshivish, and Shalhevet said that it does happen there.

I hear that. maybe there can be a forum for all those who are moser nefesh for learning torah?

technically that should be the whole site.

Atali

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:39 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

Because not all kollel wives are yeshivish, and Shalhevet said that it does happen there.

I hear that. maybe there can be a forum for all those who are moser nefesh for learning torah?

But how would that help? On the contrary, people would then make comments such as "How dare you you take tzedaka money to learn in kollel? My husband learns for three hours after work, and you should do the same rather than rely on tzedaka."

While they may have a point in some cases, that wouldn't help the OP and would defeat the purpose of the forum.

Raisin

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:42 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

Because not all kollel wives are yeshivish, and Shalhevet said that it does happen there.

I hear that. maybe there can be a forum for all those who are moser nefesh for learning torah?

technically that should be the whole site.

Ideally, it should be the whole site. I hope everyones husbands spend time learning Torah. Although I'm sure there are threads by people complaining that their dh's don't learn! Maybe they can have a closed forum. 8)

creativemommyto3

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:46 pm

Atali wrote:

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

Because not all kollel wives are yeshivish, and Shalhevet said that it does happen there.

I hear that. maybe there can be a forum for all those who are moser nefesh for learning torah?

ppl shouldn't be doing that. I do think that a woman can't be a SAHM and have a kollel husband too. to me that's not right.u can only do it if you are willing to move to a place where the kollel pays a lot. if the rest of the women in the world are working then so should she.. u can't have both spouses not bringing in income.

Atali

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 7:51 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

Because not all kollel wives are yeshivish, and Shalhevet said that it does happen there.

I hear that. maybe there can be a forum for all those who are moser nefesh for learning torah?

But where do you think the kollel gets the money from? Tzedaka, of course. So they are being supported by tzedaka money, and some people think that isn't fair (there have been such posts on this forum)

BusyBeeMommy

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 8:21 pm

creativemommyto3 wrote:

also, most kollel wives have something I don't... their dh next to them every nite .... mine only sleeps in the same room as me at nite on Shabbos/motzai shabbos and yamim tovim!

Excuse me for my ignorance, but why doesn't your DH sleep in the same room as you e/ night?