Tips for going from 1 to 2

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, May 12 2024, 2:52 pm

Some thoughts:

Your toddler will be very sensitive to any presumed favoratism towards the baby. When you talk to or play with the baby, the toddler may start to act out. Because of this, I usually tried to only talk to the baby in front of the toddler ABOUT the toddler. So when I was holding the baby and wanted to say "You're so cute! Look at your little cheeks!" I knew it would cause jealousy, and instead I'd use the same "baby" voice, while looking at the baby, to say something like "Your big brother is having so much fun! He's building a big tower!" Obviously only when baby is a real newborn and isn't understanding words yet. But that way I was giving the baby attention without the toddler getting jealous about it...

Say yes to people who want to help. It's really hard to do everything yourself.

Think of games that your toddler can play on their own or that you can easily play with them while you're nursing/bottlefeeding the baby. Depending on how verbal they are, even free things like playing a simple version of I Spy or Simon Says can work.

Teach your dh how to make a few basic meals if he doesn't already know. Also make sure he knows how to use the washing machine/dryer, and do any other chores that he is currently afraid of. Trust me, it's worth it in the long run.

amother

Bone

Sun, May 12 2024, 2:54 pm

Just had this a half a year ago with same age gap.

What helped me was having the older one on a tight schedule. He is asleep at 6 45 sharp.

I spent a lot of time outdoors (mild weather where I live). The toddler played and had fun while I relaxed on the side and held baby. I guess this doesn't work if you don't bottle feed.

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, May 12 2024, 4:11 pm

Give yourself grace.

Remember adjusting to new circumstances is hard for everyone, especially for a toddler who's trying to figure out so much at this point.

-Always praise your toddler in front of your baby "wow! You are so lucky to have such a yummy big brother/sister" this is most important. Keep talking to baby about older toddler.

-Keep a special toy basket for feeding time and only use it then. Change up the toys in there periodically.

-Spend five to ten minutes with your toddler alone without baby

ittsamother

Sun, May 12 2024, 4:32 pm

Two things that I remember from when I went from 1 to 2. The first is to make this baby be your toddler's baby. Let them feel very possessive over it, and protective of it, cuz it's their baby, as opposed to an illegal immigrant taking their resources. Even before it comes, "Do you want to talk to your baby? Sing to your baby! Your baby can't wait for you to hug it. Which book will you show your baby?" Once it comes, "Ooh your baby is crying, want to get her a paci? Want to hold your baby? Where's your baby now? Your baby loves you! Which hat should we put on your baby?" Etc etc.

Second was that if your baby and your toddler both need you at the same time, wherever possible handle your toddler first, because your baby will never remember crying for an extra minute or two, whereas your toddler will get increasingly resentful every time he has to wait while you handle your baby. Also, whenever you do handle the toddler's needs first, tell the baby out loud, "I'll get to you soon, I just need to help Chaim first! I'll be with you in ooooone minute, I'm just helping Chaim get a snack!" Etc. That way Chaim feels happy that he's getting taken care of but it also normalizes the times you'll need to say one minute to him when you're helping the baby.

Which reminds me of one more thing I was told- wherever possible, when you can't get to Chaim right away, don't blame the baby. Say you'll help Chaim in one minute, without saying it's cuz you're busy doing xyz for the baby. Like, rather than "I can't get your snack right now cuz I'm feeding the baby," just default to "Wow, Chaim, you are so patient! I'll get you your snack as soon as I can, in just a few more minutes!" He might put two and two together that the reason you can't help right away is cuz of the baby, but he might not and there's definitely no point in shoving it in his face.

Hope these are helpful to you!