S/o Working mothers

amother

Mintcream

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:24 am

I love the structure it adds to my day. If when I come home I'm unable to accomplish anything else I don't feel that bad, I've had a good few productive hours.
Obviously I wouldn't mind staying home and having a few quiet hours to myself sometimes but I don't hate the fact that I work. In a sense I find it fulfilling.

amother

Emerald

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:29 am

unpopular opinion - the entrance of women in the workforce is what is behind some of western societys downfall
children are not being raised by whole parents. this affects early attachment, and later maturity and development.

OBVIOUSLY I know there some women who really truly thrive in a work environment but I think its the exception not the rule and most of us are trying to contort ourselves to fit into modern society's DESTRUCTION of what humanity should be.

I dont mean this in an anti feminist way at all. I think women are smart, capable and wonderful. but I think many of us are led to deny our basic biological makeup/desire for the way our lives are set up today. and I think the minimization of motherhood and housewifery is a tragedy.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:34 am

amother Emerald wrote:

beside for my rant above..

I work because I have to. I enjoy what I do but for me my greatest love is my husband and children.

I work because I need to, but I also enjoy it...I like the social life and it gives me fulfillment
I took off a year when my first was born and I felt very lonely, plus my baby was hard and I felt so incompetent.
I work only 9-3, my work has babysitting so I can visit and nurse my baby. I need the income but I also enjoy the structure, and I enjoy getting up and out each day

yiddishmom

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:33 pm

I work because I have to. But I DESPISE it. I'm trying to work on myself to make the best out of it.

I am on the team who believes that this whole mothers working business is the CURSE of today's days!

And I don't care how many women say they enjoy it. I watch this carefully, they can say they enjoy it, but they they are always so nervous and anxious with their children. Of course! How can you expect one woman to manage connecting/ spending time with her children, prepping food, feeding them, bathing and putting to sleep in so few hours? We are giving away prime hours for work.

And then we wonder why our society has so many issues! Majority of the mothers are impatient and always running after their tail.

Yes, we all try our best! Of course! But there is only so many hours in the day, and our energies are limited.

ShishKabob

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:37 pm

It's really the stage that you're in that will change the answers. If you're young and have babies it'll be one answer depending if you like having a break in childcare or not. If you're in the middle and have babies plus teens plus marrieds I'm sure the answer will be different. If you're older and have a slower paced life, you will have a different perspective.
Maybe you want to change the poll to include ages and stages so you can get a fair response.

amother

Teal

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:37 pm

I couldn’t wait for my maternity leave to end, was so excited to be able to get a break from the endless childcare and be able to use my brain.

I think about this all the time. If my husband struck gold and we became very wealthy, I would still want to work my job. It makes me feel accomplished. I can’t imagine waking up and having my toddler be my job instead of my actual job. I don’t know how SAHMs do it.

I have a regular office job btw, nothing actually meaningful. But I need it and love it.

amother

Green

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:39 pm

I love working, it is better for me to work. That said, I'm at a lower stage in my career because if I ramped it up, it would be a disaster. It's not the time in my life to be doing that. If I was working full time/super demanding role, I don't think I would be happy and it wouldn't be good for my family. I do plan to prioritize career more when the kids are older, and I will probably enjoy it. I am fortunate that I can do the less demanding, lower paid job for now. If I had to take the better paid jobs, I would do what I have to do. But I don't have to work at all right now, I choose to because I do prefer working to not working.

amother

Candycane

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:56 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I completely agree.

amother

Emerald

Wed, May 22 2024, 12:57 pm

amother Teal wrote:

but this is my point.

we have all absorbed the concept ( to different degrees) that 'just having my toddler as my job' is an awful, demeaning, unfulfilling role.

I dont know you specifically so im not here to jump down your throat.. I am happy you enjoy working

I just think that its so sad that society conditions women away from motherhood and marriage as a dumb low level 'career'

of course motherhood/marriage is hard, and painful and takes everything from you physically, emotionally and spiritually etc. but thats why its so great.

amother

Bisque

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:09 pm

None of the above.
How about due to SIF and a very small family, with the “baby” being 6 and in school full time, I was tired of the side eye of what do you do all day if you don’t have kids home, and your friends all have babies to occupy them.

amother

Teal

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:11 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

It’s not about society, my friends and sisters don’t feel the way I do. It’s a me thing. I just don’t really like kids and find caring for them to be dreadfully boring and so stressful at the same time. It’s a personality thing.

I have a huge amount of respect for my sister who is a SAHM. I don’t think she’s lacking anything by not having a career. Like I said, it’s not like I have a high powered career, just an office job. It’s not about my identity, it’s about what I find interesting. I find spreadsheets and emails to be more interesting and less stressful than caring for babies and toddlers.

And for the people saying working moms are ruining society, my mother was a SAHM and I turned out this way anyways 😂

amother

Tealblue

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:26 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

While I agree, I think we're misunderstanding how things were a few generations ago.

Women worked very hard. They toiled in the fields. They spent all day doing "simple" tasks like baking bread and washing laundry.

This picture perfect lifestyle of women in the days of yore being super attentive to their kids and parenting perfectly... Seems like a fantasy.

Women have always had it hard. This is just a different kind of hard.

Being a SAHM in 2024 isn't comparable to being a SAHM back in the day.

amother

Begonia

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:28 pm

I work from 8-4 five days a week and Fridays until 1pm. I'm supposed to have one day a week off but it often doesn't happen.
I genuinely love what I do (I work in the baby class at a daycare in Israel), but I wish I could do it part time..For myself and the babies and their moms, I think we would all be better off if the day ended at 2 or 3 so we could all spend quality time with our families instead of just showering, feeding, homework and bedtime.
It's a nice dream...

amother

Tealblue

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:30 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I don't think you should speak for everyone. I NEVER thought that "just" being with a toddler is "demeaning" or "unfulfilling"

In fact, I am so happy for mothers who can financially swing that lifestyle 😊

amother

Tealblue

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:53 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I just think that its so sad that society conditions women away from motherhood and marriage as a dumb low level 'career'

of course motherhood/marriage is hard, and painful and takes everything from you physically, emotionally and spiritually etc. but thats why its so great.

Respectfully,
I think it has more to do with the imminent financial need for extra income, than any "societal conditioning".

In the past generation, specifically the past couple is years it's become nearly impossible for an average frum family to make it on one salary (unless that one salary is upwards of 150k+ ).

Imho :

1) women go to work because the income is needed

2) as you can see in this thread and the other one, there are women who DO enjoy working and gain fulfillment from it.

Different strokes for different folks, but I don't think it's necessarily an issue of societal conditioning.

amother

DarkRed

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:55 pm

yiddishmom wrote:

I always felt the same way until I took 2 years off.
Of course I kept my baby home. However he was very cranky and frankly needed more stimulation than I was able to give him (now that he's older, I do see a touch of adhd).
I gained weight.
I had a hard time keeping up the motivation to do housework all.day.long.
I felt guilty and felt the need to alway prioritize my husband's needs above my own because he has to work and I was home.

SAHM is not always what its made out to be (unless you're rich and can hire a nanny and just engage in self care all day until the kids come home)