Would you be upset if your sibling

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:29 pm

Brought her toddler to your sons bar mitzva?

amother

Maple

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:30 pm

No I'm not allergic to kids bh

yachnabobba

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:30 pm

NO. I love kids at simchas. It’s my favorite part.

mizle10

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:31 pm

I would assume she is unless she prefers to get a babysitter for her own convenience.

imthatawesome

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:34 pm

Not at all because they’d be invited

amother

Wandflower

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Brought her toddler to your sons bar mitzva?

Yes, but only if I had made it clear that younger kids are not invited.

theoneandonly

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:39 pm

Why wouldn't you want your niece/nephew at your simcha?

amother

Marigold

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:40 pm

Is tbis connected to the kids to simcha thread with poll?

In my circles, all cousins are invited to these events.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:42 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

Is tbis connected to the kids to simcha thread with poll?

In my circles, all cousins are invited to these events.

Yes, I created that poll… would love to hear everyone’s thoughts

SuperWify

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:45 pm

I’d be upset if they didn’t come Wink

Love my nieces and nephews and would be honored if they came.

amother

Wandflower

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, I created that poll… would love to hear everyone’s thoughts

I don't invite younger kids because then the simcha looks a kindergarten event. BMs are a beautiful sit down formal event and my preference is to keep it that way. When the number of kids will rival or exceed the number of adults, it changes the entire atmosphere.

That doesn't mean I don't love my nieceso and nephews. I just want my simcha to be the way I like it.

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:47 pm

Of course not. Why shouldn't toddlers come?

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:49 pm

Only if it was specified before that toddlers are not invited.
If she were to tell me that she has no babysitter for her toddler and can only come if the baby comes, I'd prefer to have the baby there as long as my sibling is there.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:50 pm

Depends on the child and my sister’s parenting style.

Is the kid disruptive during davening/leining? Or is my sister on top of the kid, either outside or with pretzels and a flap book?
Does the kid run around, touching and spilling things or is the kid quiet and in my sister (or BIL’s) arms?
Basically, is the child a menace and taking from my son and his hard work and all the effort and expense I put into making a beautiful simcha or is the child a tiny well controlled/mannered little person?

My oldest was quiet when we said to be quiet and looked with her eyes. My next was an escape artist driven by impulse and curiosity.

The simcha is about the bar mitzvah boy and his parents, not your toddler. Your toddler is welcome IF s/he will not effect the event.

Fyi, at my friend’s wedding, at the shmorg/ beddeken, her niece got into the food and ran to her dress. Her beautiful white gown was covered in food and tiny handprints before the chuppah. She walked down the isles with a dirty dress. She was not amused.
(Her sister’s response-she is 3, she doesn’t know better and has a mind of her own, I can’t control her, sorry. )

amother

Wallflower

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:51 pm

I was only annoyed that some brought their babies and toddlers to the leining. It was disruptive and not what’s accepted in the shul we daven in. I had told them that I don’t expect women to come to leining because they need to watch their kids but they didn’t listen.
The Bo bayom I expect them to bring their whole families, babies and toddlers included.

amother

Wandflower

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:53 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Of course not. Why shouldn't toddlers come?

I would love to enjoy the time with my siblings. It's a rare occasion for all of us to sit down and have some uninterrupted time together. When the toddlers/babies comes along, there are too many distractions. A child is either crying, someone is chasing after a kid, someone is busy feeding their kid etc.. It just changes up the entire experience.

This is just my personal preference. There is no right or wrong here.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:53 pm

Okay, so those that said they’d be upset if their siblings would bring a toddler, how would you feel if you know your kid isn’t sleeping and is shrieking away at the babysitter?

amother

Acacia

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:55 pm

A bar mitzvah is a kids party. It’s very appropriate to bring kids to a kids party

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:56 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

A bar mitzvah is a kids party. It’s very appropriate to bring kids to a kids party

In my circles, a bar mitzvah is an elegant affair. it's absolutely NOT a kids party.

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:59 pm

Not sure I would be upset. I would assume she couldn't find arrangements.

But I would never bring my little baby or kids to a wedding, bar mitzvah, sheva b etc.

If everyone in the hall would bring their kids, it would get so chaotic. There is a time and place for everything.

BTW, I would be doing my kids no favour by bringing them along because kids are usually asleep in the eve.

For no sit down simchos such as a kiddush, Oifruf etc. then I would just for a few mins. But not for an engagement. I think it's inappropriate.

During the week, I am the kind of mom that shleps around town (no car) to take my kids on playdates, have fun at the local water fountain, have friends over, go to the soft play, farm, park. But again, kids can give adults their time.

The bal simcha spends a lot of money and kids can be noisy, dirty, fighting etc.

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