Disciplining | Imamother

BusyBeeMommy

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 2:54 pm

So I gave my 19 month old "time-out" in a closed up area for a few minutes and of course she laughed it off, but I want to know if she's old enough to understand the cause and effect of punishments. Is there any way to teach her not to throw food off her highchair? And to listen when I say "no"? Obviously I don't say it all the time but there are certain things in my house I can't babyproof and I need her to listen when I'm nursing #2. Is she on the level of understanding time-out?

What other techniques can I use to help her understand that she can't do certain things? A strong "no" to her is a big joke but I don't want to get in the habit of raising my voice to her. TIA for your suggestions.

Tamiri

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 3:16 pm

TIme-out for a 19 months old? No way.
Throwing food from the highchair is just something they do and you as her mother will teach her not to do it. Give her food that makes less of a mess. Get a shop-vac. Whatever, but you can't punish her with anything more severe than "NO" and taking the food away.
It's not her fault she has a little sib that you have to nurse. She deserves to be a baby, too.
Don't expect too much for a 19 month old. That's a BABY, even if you want to call her a toddler.
We make all the mistakes with the eldest.

mimivan

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 3:26 pm

This happened to me just today with my 2 year old. I think before time outs are in order, you need to make sure your child really UNDERSTANDS that the activity is wrong. This can take some time for a 19 month old.

When my 2 year old (who likes to throw food) makes a mess, he has to clean it up. I teach him to do this. If he continues to throw food, I warn him I will take the food away...and then I really do take the food away (but mine never throws food if he is still hungry)...about 5-10 minutes or so, if he still wants to eat, I bring the food back but on the condition that he eats properly.

Tantrums are not a sign of failure...if they cry over the consequences, that is how they learn. I think it is always good to "discipline" children with consequences, but I think this is especially true with little ones. I say to my 2 year old dis "if you can't eat properly, I take the food away...If you make a mess, you must clean it up" etc...

and yes, he still plays the game...but if there are set rules, it is less frustration. Yes, he is doing this for attention...so I give it to him. I also notice the more attention I give to him, the less he throws food. But once I pick up the phone ---watch out! And in that case...yes...the food still goes back to the kitchen even if he shrieks when I'm in the middle of a phone conversation...

BusyBeeMommy

Thu, Oct 30 2008, 2:18 pm

OK, so basically at her age, I shouldn't expect her to keep her food on her tray? I give her loads of attention and she will do it right in front of my eyes. I do take the food away and take her out of the chair, but then she cries to go back in (without having eaten anything) and it becomes a game of in and out. So should I just let it go for now and ignore it?

Also, is she too young to understand that one must eat only in the highchair? I have an open floor plan and loads of times I find old brown banana bits and crushed up cookies among her toys. Can I teach her to eat only in her chair? I've tried it before but she throws a major tantrum and her entire disposition gets ruined for the next 2 hours. Should I continue or wait?

What about helping me clean up her toys?

Do they keep getting harder as they get older??

mimivan

Thu, Oct 30 2008, 8:52 pm

I think as a parent you have rights too and if you want her to eat only in her high chair...more power to you..
the difficulty is, you may have a fight on your hands, but if it is worth it for you, go ahead.

Don't keep doing the in the chair out of the chair game. Take the food away. She might cry. Then say "I'll give it back if you don't throw it." Only give her one more chance after. I find that with my kids, when they start to throw food, the meal is over. I don't think a kid who is really hungry is going to throw food. And when the meal is over, it is over. She might cry. you could offer her a snack in a bit of time just to make sure she isn't hungry..

Does it get harder? I don't know. Depends on the kid..It is easier if there is consistency...but at this age, they do deserve another chance after throwing food once, but I just give mine one more chance and that's it. Otherwise it will be endless.