Crying it out at nine months?

GAMZu

Wed, Nov 05 2008, 8:41 pm

Pacifier- cry as in "I'm in the bathroom and can't come running with my pants down" crying, or "He'll learn to sleep better this way" crying?

I think everyone has done the former. OP, personally I'd wait till I can explain to the child that he's going to have to sleep- when he can understand, like at about a year or so. Otherwise if he doesn't understand what you want, he'll just break his little heart crying.

bebe3

Wed, Nov 05 2008, 8:53 pm

I have let them cry out earlier, the younger they are, the shorter they cry. think of it like an adult, how many times do we wake up at night? but then we are able to fall right back to sleep. babies don't know how to do that, they just remember mommy that will soothe them back to sleep, which is great, but then they will never learn. The last thing a baby should remember before he falls to sleep is his bed and a lovey, like a blanket or something. That way if there is a noise, or the heat is thumping or anything that might wake him, he can turn over and fall right back to sleep. But you have to be consistent for it to actually work. If you give in after a few nights, they cried it out for nothing.

pacifier

Wed, Nov 05 2008, 9:48 pm

oh I didn't realize she meant for sleeping...
I did that with dd when she was 8-9 months. it took her 2 or 3 nightd of 1/2 hour crying, then she went to 12 minutes each night.... I think for some babies it's their way of tossing in bed or saying I can't fall asleep , I'm too exhausted.... (my dd was overtired and when she started sleeping by herself, she also started "telling" me when she wanted to nap during the day.

one big thing is that you have to be consistent. u cannot let baby cry for 10 minutes then take baby out then 10 minutes crying again.....

by the way, what happened?did he fall asleep?

tovarena

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 8:10 am

We started letting DS cry at about 8 months (when we were so horribly sleep deprived that it was an act of desperation). When we started, we'd let him cry for 5 minutes and go in to calm him down (without taking him out of his crib). Then we'd leave. He'd cry again for 10 minutes then we'd repeat. Then again for 15 minutes. We never had to go in after the 15 minute session because he'd be asleep by then. After about 4 or 5 days of this, he was falling asleep during the 10 minute session. And by two weeks later, he was crying for less than 5 minutes before falling asleep. Even though he still doesn't completely sleep through the night without crying, he rarely cries for more than 2-3 minutes and then goes right back.

myfriends715

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 9:28 am

we did dd at 4 months (she was super sleep deprived) and ds at 5 1/2 months (was sleeping in car seat b4 then due to severe reflux) we let them cry up to an hr then went in to hold/ sooth comfort but after 3 days it was like 15 mon after a week 1 min and then sleep Smile

(please no bashing for my parenting choice!!)

chavs

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 9:39 am

I wouldnt let my child cio at any age. As gamzu said there is an age when you can explain to your child that they have to sleep.
Until they are old enough to understand what you tell them they really dont know whats going on, all they know is that they are calling you by the only means of communication they have and the one person they thought would be there for them, the person they trust more then anyone, is just not coming. Your child has no other ways of telling you he/she is sad or feels lonely or he needs you except by crying.
Dd is 8 1/2 months old and ds is 3 and I have never left them to cry. There are other ways of getting your child to sleep then doing cio, there are many much more gentle ways that wont make your child feel abandoned, try to read "the baby book" by dr Sears or "The baby whisperer" by Tracy Hogg.

The reason that cio works is because the baby is eventually learns that it doesnt pay to cry, it doesnt pay because no one will come, they are basically by themselves and cant count on mummy.

tovarena

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 10:00 am

Chavs, while I don't think most people are likely to promote CIO as a best or first option, there are those, myself included, who have tried the various gentler methods. And not had them work. I know there are also many people, myself included, who said they would never do CIO. But there comes a point that sheer desperation and complete and total exhaustion - both on the part of the parents and baby - kicks in.

I really don't believe that any adult can truly begin to ascribe feelings to the baby that we have no way of knowing and studies have not shown to hold true. IMHO, attempting to lay a guilt trip is unproductive.

GAMZu

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 11:04 am

Quote:

I really don't believe that any adult can truly begin to ascribe feelings to the baby that we have no way of knowing and studies have not shown to hold true.

Babies aren't as human as adults that they should not have the same feelings as an adult? If you want someone to be there for you and call and cry and beg and that person refuses just because, you'd feel great, right?

Nothing besides CIO works? I've had only success with nursing kids to sleep, or lying next to them until they were asleep or almost asleep. They were out in no time. You might not choose this method, but then don't say nothing but CIO worked for you.

Ruchel

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 11:15 am

There's cry and cry.

If you come because the baby makes a small cry, he'll never find sleep on his own. You may find it natural and cute, but you will get burned out. I predicted it to some posters, and sure enough it happened.

Now, if he's CRYING, he will NOT fall asleep, and he'll get all hysterical and the more you wait to go to him the more you'll wait for him to calm down, etc, and finally fall asleep. Just don't turn on the light, don't take him out the room. Pick him up only if nothing else works.

BH I didn't have to do it often. DD goes to bed beautifully. If I "forget" bed time and she's exhausted, she'll request to be put to bed Tongue Out

(as for how much time of real crying to wait, I would say we didn't wait for more than 5 mins of real crying, just not useful)

Ruchel

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 11:20 am

Quote:

I've had only success with nursing kids to sleep

this only works if the child is nursing, when he's on bottles you have to find another way.

Quote:

or lying next to them until they were asleep or almost asleep.

this only works if you don't wake up the child when you put him in his bed, or if he already sleeps in an adult size bed. I laughed out loud imagining trying to fit my 5'10'' in Mati's baby bed LOL

tovarena

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 11:27 am

GAMZu wrote:

I've had only success with nursing kids to sleep, or lying next to them until they were asleep or almost asleep. They were out in no time. You might not choose this method, but then don't say nothing but CIO worked for you.

Out in no time? Nope. Sorry.

I don't say it's optimal. And I had no plans in doing it. I was one of those mothers that said, "Not me." But yes, I did try the things you mention and tons of others. When they didn't work and I went through "no cry sleep solution" and "happiest baby on the block" and still had a 8 month old baby waking every 3-4 hours - and he didn't want to eat. It's all nice and well to say he's crying out for mommy and she's making him feel unloved. But you know what, when you're in that point of desperation that you're literally afraid to get behind the wheel to go to work each morning because you're afraid you'll KILL someone because you're THAT sleep deprived and unalert (may all mommies NEVER know that level of desperation), you do what you have to do just to stay alive. Does the baby feel any more loved if mommy is dead C'vS from a car accident or behind bars because she C'vS killed someone in a car accident? You may say I'm being extremist, but I know I, for one, was at that point of sheer and utter desperation to get just 5 or 6 hours of unbroken sleep. When you get to that point, it's about survival. You do what works. If you never had to get to that point, lucky you. But for those that do get to that point, it's an unhappy necessity.

chavs

Thu, Nov 06 2008, 11:41 am

I nursed one kid and not the tr and he other and yes there are other ways to get your baby to sleep, you dont have to nurse to do it. If your baby is crying, you can hold them and pat their back and go sh, sh, sh, you can cuddle them you can lay skin to skin with them (or clothes).
The main difference between an adult crying and a baby is that ppl tend to take adults more seriously, which I find ironic whenwe know thta an adult can help them selves and understand whats going on.
If you saw a friend crying would you leave them? No! why'd you ignore your baby. The baby has been part of you, and now that its what? 9 months old, its time to grow up and face facts that mummy will not come when you cry nor will anyone else for that matter, you have no one but your self!
I am willing to be tired or to make that extra effort to get my kid to sleep and it might take more then 5 minutes but hey I am their mother thats what we do, I want them to learn the lesson from they are babies that I am there for them.