Shomer Nagia and Pelvis exams

chanagital

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 4:52 pm

ok this is my question... and it came about because I went to see a stand in doc instead of my female Ob. The stand in doc was a male. I didn't know what to do...do I shake his hand because well... he is gonna see my privates anyways (I went in to get a IUD installed) even with a nurse in the room or do I do what I do normally with other men. Tell them I don't shake hands because of religious reasons. I am confuzzled. (confused and puzzled put together.) I had to see the man because my doc had an emergency that she had to attend to and I waited two months to get the appointment to begin with so a new doc wasn't an option. Help please!

ChossidMom

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 4:56 pm

What's your question?

BTW I don't shake my doctor's hand. No matter what he's going to see.

MommyLuv

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:00 pm

it is weird to refuse to shake a doctor's hand when he's going to be touching you all over, but halacha dictates it AFAIK...

I just was in that situation recently when I went to an ER clinic. The guy looked at me like I was nuts, but I wasn't in the mood of explaining, so whatever....

Fabulous

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:05 pm

As far as I remember I don't shake any doctors' hands but I remember a professor in college (with smicha) that said this type of handshaking is not a problem (bidieved) because it is not biderech chibah

Mommish

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:07 pm

I know its not the same thing, but I was recently in a situation with a group of developmentally disabled adults (not Jewish), and I had no idea if I should shake the guys' hands. They would not understand shomer negia at all.

cassandra

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:08 pm

It's like being at the gynecolgist practically naked but with your head covered... it seems kind of funny, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

(I do shake hands in a business setting, though.)

amother

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:10 pm

My mother went to see someone for a breast issue, and as she came in, he reached over to shake her hand, and she said sorry, I don't touch men other than my husband. He was really confused, and said how is he supposed to check her then. She said professionally, he is allowed to do whatever he has to especially since he is the expert, but socially, she doesn't touch other men. That made perfect sense to him, and he was very respectful.

amother

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:16 pm

I gave birth with a dr I never met before. The delivery was pretty fast, but I got stitches for 1 hr!

Maybe it's bc I'm BT, and even though I don't even shake hands at work, I shook his hand anyways when he went to leave. Of course, I also forgot it was shabbos too in the midst of everything and was signing papers and mamash had no differnetiation between melachah and not--I just was oblivious! In hindsight, I was a bit embarassed abotu shakng his hand, but I know I was exhausted and really just wanted to say bye to him and fall asleep.

So, IYH next time I'll be more aware.

GAMZu

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:21 pm

As for developmentally disabled- if it's the type of people who live in homes, and are adults on a child's level, I don't think shomer negia applies. If it's just learning disabilities, I think SN still applies.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:27 pm

Many very frum rabbis shake hands, esp. if you initiate. Or even if you don't, I've been surprised. It's definitely allowed for many.

Crayon210

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 5:45 pm

If you don't regularly shake hands with men, then the answer is that you don't shake hands with men even if they are about to do an internal exam. You don't have to use the word "touch". You can say, "I don't shake hands." Shaking hands doesn't necessarily have anything to do with performing internal exams. ;-)

bandcm

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 6:35 pm

You don't even have to say "with men". Here it is perfectly acceptable to say, "I don't shake hands".
People think it's for hygiene reasons.
I once told a guy I don't shake hands, and I even added "with men", and he gave me a big hug and kiss instead...whatever.

canadamom

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 6:49 pm

I once told a guy I don't shake hands, and I even added "with men", and he gave me a big hug and kiss instead...whatever.
Rolling Laughter

octopus

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 6:52 pm

When I was 19 I served jury duty. At the end of the court case, the lawyers went around giving all the jurors handshakes. I thought at the time, "This is america, and justice has just been exercised in this courtroom. I don't have to feel pressured to shake this person's hand. Religious freedom!" and with that I looked at the lawyer and said, "because of modesty reasons, I cannot shake your hand, but I certainly can wave!" I waved, and skedaddled out of there.

octopus

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 6:54 pm

I did shake hands with my ob after I gave birth. He said "congratulations" and stuck out his hand. I didn't know what to say, and I was out of it from giving birth. And I didn't know how to explain the whole modesty thing after he just saw EVERYTHING. So I shook his hand.

greenfire

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 6:57 pm

octopus wrote:

I cannot shake your hand, but I certainly can wave!" I waved, and skedaddled out of there.

all 8

greenfire

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 7:03 pm

I don't even get the question ... didn't you already see him ?!?!?!

I personally never insult someone by not reciprocating their hand shake ...

octopus

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 7:07 pm

your question is directed at me?

If it is:

They had not stuck out their hand yet to shake mine, because they were busy shaking all the other jurors hands. I pre-empted the handshake with a wave.

PIP

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 7:08 pm

LOL green it took me a minute to figure out what you were talking about- but I finally got it!
(and now I'm laughing LOL

)