Going to a rav- when

Inspired

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 7:32 pm

Not everything is halacha, there is minhag and there are inyanim (eg. not naming for someone who died young)

Atali

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 8:03 pm

Seraph wrote:

Atali wrote:

Seraph wrote:

Ok, atali. What if the question is about modifying a name? When would you go to a rav to discuss that?

After the birth, since we don't discuss specific names before even amongst ourselves.

However, I would ask a general question during pregnancy. For example, during my last pregnancy I asked if we could put the name on the birth certificate before the bris. Since that wasn't about a particular name, we asked before.

So if its a boy, in the week before the bris with all the preparations you go to the rav to discuss names? Or if its a girl, you rush rush before the next time available to name? Wow, I can't imagine that.
What if the question is more like "Should you name after someone if you know you won't call child all 3 names?" But not specifically if Avraham Yitzchak Yaakov is a good name to give?

Well, since we don't even discuss it with each other before, we wouldn't even know which names to present to the rav in the first place.

However, we would discuss general questions with a rav before, such as:

Your example
Can I name after a relative (no name mentioned) who died at 35?
Should I add a name for relative x who had a hard life?

But not anything that involves using specific names.

Atali

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 8:07 pm

mummy-bh wrote:

we name a girl at the first torah reading after birth, whenever that may be.

Exactly, so the time period may be quite short. I gave birth on friday morning and named my DD on shabbos so we didn't have much time.

Emee

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 8:18 pm

Racheli wrote:

For those of you who would consult a rav about a baby's name, can you give more details? I can't imagine ever doing such a thing, but I also can't imagine on what halachic grounds a rav could tell you not to use a name, as long as you are choosing actual Hebrew names and they aren't names like Hagar or something.

We asked about a name that was not common in charedi circles and our rav advised against it, in the end it was our choice but he brought up the point that she would likely be made fun of in school etc. My sister hated the name also so we just decided against it. By the second one we wanted to name for a relative but the name may have some negative conotation and our rav wanted to look more into it and since we were pressed for time we decided against it. I wasn't super fond of the name and we were only going to use it as a second name anyways.

chaylizi

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 8:35 pm

our minhag is to name on shabbos. but only if the baby is 3 days old already. my 2nd dd was born on friday & she was named not on that shabbos but the next one. my family doesn't have this minhag so it was a little weird for me.

OldYoung

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 9:16 pm

My father has the same name that dh's grandfather had, and we wanted to name after him. So we asked a Rav about using the Hebrew version of his English name. His Hebrew name was Yosef, but English was Jesse, and we wanted to use Yishai. We asked somewhere in the 8th or 9th month I think?

Emee

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 9:24 pm

OldYoung wrote:

So did you name him yishai?

OldYoung

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 9:26 pm

Emee wrote:

OldYoung wrote:

So did you name him yishai?

Yup!

Seraph

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 8:20 am

Racheli wrote:

I'll give you an example of specifics. My son is named uriel. I wanted uriel, my husband wanted elisha. So we said "Aha! Uriel elisha!" And this rav, who happens to be a mumche with names, said two names that start with alef are NOT a good combination, as they are both powerful names and can cause confusion in a kids personality, and aside for that, theres the fact that uriel, a malach, and elisha, a navi, is just too much of a combo for a person as well, even if they weren't both alef names.

My friend named her kid a name like Aryeh Shalom, and he was having LOTS and LOTS of issues, violent kid, temperamental, etc... When they went to the rav for advice on what to do with him, he actually commented that his name was probably part of the problem, as his initials were אש- fire- and that alef and shin are NOT a good combination for names.
A different freind wanted to name her baby liba tzofia, and the rav said the initials are לץ- which means someone who can't take things seriously/ a clown (with a VERY negative connotation). He advised switching the order of the name, and now the kid is tzofia liba.

We also asked the rav about naming after two people- taking one name from one grandparent, and one name from another, and he said you CAN do that, but then the name isnt after the person, because a combination of names is a different name. He said to name after someone, you have to name the complete name and not add anything, otherwise it doesnt do the same thing spiritually. (Meaning, its nice, but it doesnt affect the deceased's neshama, and the new baby isnt a continuation of his namesake, spiritually.)
Also, we were told that you should only give a name if you plan on calling the whole thing. Don't give three names if you don't plan on using all three on a regular basis, because the name you are actually called by affects you more than the name you were given at birth.
Which is why, this time around, we have a question or two. The boy's name we were thinking of is someone who was a (name changed) "Shalom Alter Dovid" but the Alter was added in the last few years of his ninety something year life... We KNOW we would never call a kid Shalom Alter Dovid, because that is TOO much of a mouthful, so we'd ask if its still considered naming after if we'd call a kid Shalom Dovid.
The girl's name we were thinking of would be someone who had two names- like Sarah Bleema- but was never called that, but rather, by a different Jewish name with a similar meaning- like Shoshana. So I'd ask the rav if we should name the kid and call her Sarah Bleema, or call her Shoshana, if we want her to be like her namesake.

So thats why my question about when to go to a rav. Because if the rav nixes the names we picked, we'd have to start from scratch, and we are very picky about names, so that doesnt give us much time if we went after the baby is born.

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 8:31 am

Racheli wrote:

In some communities Hagar was totally accepted. I personally wouldn't use it, but yeah.

IndyMom

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 8:31 am

Does anyone have a suggestion of a Rav to call to discuss names with? We have some questions and the baby's birth is imminent. None of our Rebbeim are the type to get into names - at least they don't seem the type. I would love to contact the previous poster's rav - he sounds like he really knows what he is talking about.

Seraph

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 9:04 am

Which previous poster's? Mine? If you don't mind calling israel... (I think he may have an american line though), I can check for you if you meant me.

IndyMom

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 9:16 am

Yes, Seraph - I meant you Smile

I am in Israel now actually so that would be great.

Thanks!