4 yr old making up stories

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 7:03 am

My 4 yr old seems to live more in fantasy than reality. He is always making up stories, which most of the time you could tell are total fantasies. I worry though, he really seems to not know reality sometimes.

Now sometimes it almost gets me into trouble. I picked him up from school today and h has a big cut on his knee which he said happened when he was playing outside. I asked if the teacher saw. He says no. I said did you tell her? He said no. I said did you ask for a bandaid? Yes, but they didn't have any. What preschool doesn't have a bandaid? I was ready to go in and ask them when another parent told me she saw them give a kid a bandaid yesterday. Well on the way home it came out that they did give him once, and ointment but it fell off at some point.

I asked him what happened. Another kid drove into him and another boy (both of who got hurt) with a dump truck and made them fall. I asked him if they said anything to the other boy. Yes - they called him a donkey. Somehow I doubt this.... Next time I asked he said they didn't say anythign to the boy.

Ok for a 3 yr old this is fine. But a 4 yr old, very verbal, more bright than most in his gan, who can't tell me a straight story??? How am I supposed to be able to talk to the teachers on his behalf when most of the time he is telling me made up stories. We ha bad experiences last year with total terrors in his class and I decided this yr I am opening my mouth about it. But I want facts when I speak to the teacher. Is this normal?

geemum

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 7:57 am

OP I think you're making a mountain over a molehill. the story you gave us is not a major incident in DS's eyes and therefore the details aren't important to him.

I think you should lay off him a little and stop probing with questions:
Why did you hurt yourself?
Did you get a bandaid?
Did you have ointment?
How did it come off?
etc etc

I know I sound harsh, but he's only 4 - let him be, let him live and enjoy school without your input. Not all kids like to tell their parents exactly what went on.

One of kids, when asked how his day was, just answers "fine." No more!
The other one tells me about every little detail - what this kid had for lunch, who he played, what songs etc etc

Each child is different and some need their space more.

I wouldn't worry so much unless it's something serious that you really need to know about!

Good Luck!

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 8:10 am

Geemum, I didnt ask any of the questions you wrote other than asking if he asked for a bandaid. The story was one I was concerned about for 2 reasons-
1- where I live, bullying goes on and I'm going to nip it in the bud this year
2- he often stays quiet and gets hurt in the process, and I want to deal with it this year.

Last year he didn't enjoy school to some degree and I feel if I can help with these thing he has a chance at enjoying more. (BTW this incident was from a kid ramming him with a toy. Not by mistake).
I understand some kids tell and some kids don't. That's not my issue.

HindaRochel

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 8:25 am

[quote="amother"]

Quote:

It depends on what you mean by this statement. Little ones sometimes do confuse what happens and what they wished happened.

Quote:

Now sometimes it almost gets me into trouble. I picked him up from school today and h has a big cut on his knee which he said happened when he was playing outside. I asked if the teacher saw. He says no. I said did you tell her? He said no. I said did you ask for a bandaid? Yes, but they didn't have any. What preschool doesn't have a bandaid? I was ready to go in and ask them when another parent told me she saw them give a kid a bandaid yesterday. Well on the way home it came out that they did give him once, and ointment but it fell off at some point.

Kids often do this. I don't think it is story-telling so much as forgetting what happened, or not having the skills to tell the full story.

Quote:

I asked him what happened. Another kid drove into him and another boy (both of who got hurt) with a dump truck and made them fall. I asked him if they said anything to the other boy. Yes - they called him a donkey. Somehow I doubt this.... Next time I asked he said they didn't say anythign to the boy.

Children confuse events. I wouldn't call this making up stories. Sounds fairly normal to me.

Quote:

Ok for a 3 yr old this is fine. But a 4 yr old, very verbal, more bright than most in his gan, who can't tell me a straight story??? How am I supposed to be able to talk to the teachers on his behalf when most of the time he is telling me made up stories. We ha bad experiences last year with total terrors in his class and I decided this yr I am opening my mouth about it. But I want facts when I speak to the teacher. Is this normal?

He's still little. Having verbal skills doesn't mean he can keep all the facts in his head at one time. There was a study recently that showed that children can't hold more than one fact at a time, which is why the draw trees in orange and skies red.

All that you have said sounds perfectly normal for a child his age.

PAMOM

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 11:36 pm

OP, it's a tough situation since you want to protect your son and make sure he doesn't get bullied. However, for better or worse, you're describing very common behavior, ESPECIALLY among bright, verbal kids. Part of it is "filling in" missing/forgotten information, part of it is supplying "a better story" (NOT with the intention to lie--he's using his imagination and isn't really old enough to be able to separate it out completely). A little MAY be telling you what he thinks you want to hear or what he wishes had happened. The best thing you can do is watch him and ask casual questions over the course of the week. For the record, a parent of DD's once called me when she was in first grade to tell me that her child was unhappy because DD was pushing her down the hill during recess. The mom, though, had the sense to add that she THOUGHT that was what was happening but wasn't sure since her DD also claimed the teacher had chopped a kid's arm off the year before. Her DD is now at an Ivy League college (with both arms).

toastedbagel

Sat, Sep 05 2009, 10:54 am

My 4 year old came out of bed tonight, wanting to be part of the action as we had a couple of guests over and were having a bite to eat after Shabbos - he told us in his dream (he was not sleeping), there was a Tzaddik, and some baddies (bad guys) were chasing him, so he went to another town, and then he ran into a house with another Tzaddik, and then the gate of the house squeaked and the baddies came in and then the Tzaddik was dead cuz the baddies killed him. (I was waiting for him to say that his yetzer Hara told him the story, but he left that off this time!) I told him he should get back into his bed and have the dream again, but this time the Tzaddik should tell the baddies to start doing Teshuvah and be good. So he reassured me that the other Tzaddik wasn't dead. honestly I didn't worry about it, and I wouldn't worry about your kid - kis say funny things, what they wish happened, what they'd like you to think, or just to see how you will react or if they can fool you - I don't think they are living in fantasy land. And if it makes you feel any better, mine used to have an obsession with the word donkey, and apply that word to everyone and everything, and BH it went away eventually. As most of these things do.