I need a punishment for a 4 yr old

Mammy

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 11:06 pm

I am replying as a preschool teacher, who teaches this age, and a mother of a very curious and energetic son as well.

I would like to say that I totally agree with what Southern Bubby Said,"

southernbubby wrote:

buy the child wood, nails and a hammer and let the kid klop out all of his energy......... a trampoline......... that is how they release all of that excess energy.

Correct me if I am wrong, but your son appears to a very curious, intelligent, spontaneous, and energetic boy, who marches to his own beat. It seems like he is very rational, and understands exactly what he is doing and why he is doing it. It seems like when someone reprimands him for something that he has done, his feeling is one of, "You don't understand what I was trying to do...."

Would it work if you tried to let him know that you are interested in what he is interested in. Show the little bit of pride that you feel when he plugs the mouse into the right plug (while explaining why the other plugs shouldn't have been removed). The trick is to show interest or appreciation for what he has done, while at the same time, FIRMLY explaining to him why the way he did it is not acceptable.

For example:
The string around the house? Come on, we have to admit that it is a lot of fun to unravel a ball of yarn to make a spider web... (I let the kids in my class do it as an activity sometimes) HOWEVER, around the house in a way that is dangerous for the baby is not acceptable.
Find ways for him to explore, and have fun in a way that is approved by you.

Find an old broken computer for him to take apart, explaining why taking that apart is different than the one that works. The broken one is for his great "experiments" while the real one he could practice plugging things into, BUT only with a parent next to him.

Foster his curiosity, create a bond with him that will make you the "expert" in how things work, and in how to have fun.
Mold him through Ahavah, rather than Yirah which appears to not be working.
This approach is not one to start immediately after disaster has just struck. Find an opportunity when he is doing something positive to be interested in it, and to join him in his activity. Build this relationship slowly and through trust.

A lot of how kids act comes from how we perceive them. If he feels like you think he is an incredibly smart kid who has good ideas, and is fun to be around, he might try to live up to your expectations, and want to please you.

Kids this age try to be "big". Explain to him that when he plugged the mouse, that was big, but unplugging everything else was something little kids do. Tell him that you know that he is getting big because you saw him________________ and ________________ (fill in your own examples), so you know he could start making good choices, and start acting "big".

Bedtime or anytime that is quiet (if there is a time like that LOL

) is a good time to have these conversations. They do not need to be right after the event happened, while your blood is still boiling.

I hope somewhere in the ramble above you find something that might help you. I know that every child, and every situation is different.
Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss anything further.
Hatzlacha!

raizy

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 11:19 pm

ooh mikki your child the 2 yr old has not thrown every piece of the chandieler off the chandeleir and watched it all fall down. he waves a book etc. to catch them and loves to hear them fall. thank g-d I bought a fake chandeleir or I could have replaced it 100 times already.

your child does not free fall down the bunk bed so badly that now I have to take out his 2 front teeth. the 4 yr old.

your child does not climb up the post from the house to the second floor. and if he could he would climb all the way up to the 3rd floor.

your children dont play let go moving. they move every piece of toy from the toy room into one of their own room. from doll houses to legos to puzzles books. and all the big toys including. they litterly emty out the toy room. and I have tons of toys (day care) why I have a toy room is behond me. they love to play everywhere except in the toy room.

you make me laugh . u said that my kids listhen . they only listhen when it is in their own best interst. so when I want something out of them that they dont want to do. I BRIBE I tell them I will give them something small. usally something I anyways wanted to give them. like a ice pop after supper if they eat up their dinner. or if they get dressed fast. etc. in the morning if they listhen and dont make any troube they can take a small candy to school. (let them get hyper in school)that what I pay the teachers anyways. to watch my kids.

granolamom

Wed, Jun 07 2006, 9:19 am

Quote:

But it sounds like Micki has talk talk talk talked and that didn't work either

the talking part is for long term success. I think Micki's 4 yo maybe needs some more time before he starts internalizing the talk. I know my own kids weren't mature enough at that age to hear me say 'thats not safe' and remember not to do it (or choose not to even if they did remember). it does slowly sink in if the message is given in a loving way.

I know what its like to have a kid who just plain doesnt listen. its infuriating. its frustrating. it makes you wonder if you're raising a psychopath who will never get along with people and follow rules.

I still maintain that things get easier and everyone is happier when you move from a reward/punishment model to a model where you are trying to get into the childs mind, providing him with appropriate and safe means of satiating his need to explore, and figuring out ways to make what you want and what he wants the same thing.

quite a number of women have given really great ideas of safe ways to keep this type of child busy. I don't think there is 'a punishment' that will 'work' long term for this type of kid. Micki keeps pointing out how he seems impervious to punishment and she sounds like she's tried almost everything. honestly, micki, I feel for you. I've been there. but I still don't think the answer lies in finding the 'right' punishment.