Thank-you notes | Imamother

zuncompany

Mon, Feb 14 2005, 11:33 am

Are you using the money for baby items that he didn't get or into a savings account for him?

If its the first I would say... thank you so much for the kind gift. We put it to good use to help put the nursey together and he is enjoying it very much, yata yata.

For the second...Thank you so much for the kind gift. It is put away in a savings account for a)college, b)yeshiva, c)when he gets older and starts his own home.

sara

queenie

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 5:45 pm

I just received a thank-you card from a bar mitzva gift I gave over 6 months ago. I didn't really mind. I was late giving the gift because the boy lives in another city and guess what? I noticed he just cashed my cheque last week too. At least he bothered to write one.

But here's a question: Should you get upset when you get a thank-you that just says, "thank-you for the beautiful gift?" Like hello??? Do you even remember or care what I bought you????

[b]Here's another question: What do you do about family members that never ever say thank-you either verbally and don't send a thank-you note. For example, you go to a birthday party for a 1 yr. old or a 3 yr. old and the parents don't thank-you. They just tell the kid, "go give your auntie a hug and say thank-you." Is that enough?[/b]

queenie

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 5:49 pm

What do you do when you get a thank-you card for the wrong gift? I sent a gift to someone out of town and the thank-you card thanked us for the gift another sibling gave and not us.

Sorry to take up so much space about this. It's just that I think a lot of people inthe frum community think that it's ok not to say thank-you properly b/c people are busy with kids and have a lot of simchas etc to go to. That doesn't mean you can't have appropriate and respectful behavior.

rydys

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 6:57 pm

When I give a baby gift with a card, I usually write at the bottom not to send a thank you note. I personally don't see the point of all these notes. It is one thing if you are sending a gift far away to someone you don't see or speak to often, and they should let you know they got the gift. Otherwise, most newly married people and especially new moms are busy and the last thing on their minds is thank you notes! As a matter of fact, with my last child, I was glad that we didn't get many gifts bec. I didn't have to write so many notes!

queenie

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 9:42 pm

I am sorry, but that is the laziest excuse I have ever heard. I am a mother too, I work, I have guests, and I have classes in my house. Everyone is busy. It is a common courtesy. You don't have to do anything fancy. But when someone gives you something, and they took time out of their busy schedule with their children and work etc. to buy a gift, wrap it, buy a card and write it to you and bring it over to you the least you can do is write a two minute simple card.

People like to know that the gift that they took all the effort to shop for and prepare and bring over to you is appreciated.

rydys

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 9:51 pm

Queenie, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I just don't see the point. If I buy someone a gift and give it to them and they say thank you, I know they appreciate it. I don't need a card sent to me to know that. I'm glad you are so organized that it is no big deal, but for some of us it is a big tircha. I'm not saying I don't send them, but I do think the whole concept of sending a note to say what I said in person is crazy.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 10:18 pm

Quote:

It is a common courtesy

this is what is done.
A heartfelt thank you at the time of giving is enough.
Why do you need a card? You'll throw it out anyway.
A phone call or a card is nessesary only when one wasnt' able to do it in person.

who said it ALSO has to be written?

I was the biggest pain - to remember who gave what & to write the cards.

Quote:

People like to know that the gift that they took all the effort to shop for and prepare and bring over to you is appreciated.

when the time comes, I will get a gift for them too, IY'H

Rivka

Mon, Feb 28 2005, 2:57 pm

We managed to send out wedding thank yous before our son was born coz we figured it was crazy, it took a year and even then we didn't manage to send them all out because a lot of people didn't write their address, so we couldn't send them a thank-you and some people didn't even write their name, so who was it from? We had 5 pages full of names, addresses and what they gave, so we had to sit and write everything and thanked for the gift, if we couldn't remember the gift coz we didn't write it down, we just thanked them for the thoughtful gift.
Baby presents, a lot of people gave them to my in-laws which is kind of annoying, so we didn't even know who gave to us. Those that gave presents to us we thanked in person or on the phone, I do not see a point in getting a thank you card if you already got a thank you in person.
My sis-in-law always sends thank you cards to us when we sent a present for a new baby (which has been twice) and yes it's cute, but what was the point?
It just said thank you on it and that was it, she already thanked me on the phone for it, I don't need a card which will clutter my desk and get chucked anyway, no matter how cute it has been made up.

I think for the next baby I will probably be more organised with the thank yous coz I won't be just married and would be more settled. I think sometimes it's just an extra pressure if you already thanked someone for them to expect a card as well saying it on paper, just incase word of mouth wasn't good enough. And stamps are very expensive, you don't want to know how much we spent on stamps for thank you notes to be posted....

Crayon210

Wed, Feb 08 2006, 8:56 pm

I was browsing old threads and found this.

Thanks to this thread, I don't feel guilty about throwing out written thank you notes already.

I wish the practice would be abolished. It's so silly and time-consuming. How many times can I write "Dear so and so, Thank you for the ... blah blah many more simchas blah blah Crayon and family..."

I heard recently of a new shtick that at bridal showers, the last gift the bride receives is an envelope with a note inside that says,

"This is the last gift: don't write us anything thank you notes!"

What a great idea!

Crayon210

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 11:52 am

Maybe phone, e-mail, an occasional note...

I don't think it's such a high form of written correspondence when I spend hours upon hours writing essentially the same thing to people, many of whom I don't know (parents' friends, friends' parents, etc.) Even if I write them "individually", it comes across as though I've written the same thing (since often I've just changed the name of the gift)...

queen

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 12:18 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

I wish the practice would be abolished. It's so silly and time-consuming.

well..... are you as fast to abolish gift RECEIVING??!!?!?!?!?
It takes me oodles of time, yet sending each person a personalized card, is my way of expressing my appreciation and letting them know how touched I was in getting us the gift. Especially when the gift wasn't cheap.

That being said.... my babies 4 months old and I still have another +/- 20 thank you notes to write. (about 80% done)

Crayon210

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 12:44 pm

I understand why people are so attached to it, but when 80% of the cards are to people I don't know, I don't have much to write:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. ________,

Thank you so much for the _________ (outfit for the baby). It's beautiful/pretty/cute/stunning... We look forward to dressing the baby in it (???). Thank you for sharing in our simcha (who are you?). May we always share smachos (who are yoU?!?!)

Sincerely,

Crayon and co.

Sorry, that's a bit lame-o. And if I don't know them, how can I make it personal? And even if I do know them, how can I make it personal? It's a struggle for me and sucks up other useful time.

I understand that people see it as basic hakaras hatov, and I disagree-I see it as basic bittul zman.

Motek

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 12:49 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

but when 80% of the cards are to people I don't know, I don't have much to write

wow! you're lucky, getting gifts from so many strangers, what's your secret?

do you really want to call up strangers to thank them? I still don't understand your solution for how to thank people for their gifts when they didn't hand them to you directly (so you could thank them in person)

Quote:

Sorry, that's a bit lame-o.

but appreciated by the people who gave the gift because you acknowledged it

queen

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 12:59 pm

well, if they are friends of your in laws (and ppl you don't know) can always write how your in laws are very fond of them and how you look forward to seeing them when visiting your in laws.....

SO many ppl told both my parents and in laws how much they appreciated the personal note. That tell me that the effort was not for nought.