NOT stealing the afikomen?

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 11:06 am

Is there anyone here who does NOT have the "minhag" of stealing the afikomen? As a child, we did not steal the afikomen and didn't get any presents. My parents said stealing is an aveira and that was it. I usually felt pretty left out and hurt after pesach in school when I was practically the only one in class who didn't "get" anything for afikomen. Over the years I've gotten used to it and when asked what I got for afikomen, I would answer a piece of matza!
Now, I DO let my kids steal the afikomen. I dont want them going through what we went through, and I really dont understand the reasoning not to. Everyone knows its a game of give and take. The kids dont really think they're stealing.
Recently I've heard that there are others who also davka dont have this minhag. Anyone here? And how do your kids take it?

And btw, we used to stay awake till the very end of the seder anyway!! Tongue Out

greentiger

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 11:11 am

Yes! My mother always said that the afikomen isn't a game, it's a mitzvah. If someone takes it we can use any other matzah instead. There was also something there about not stealing...

grin

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 11:13 am

WE don't do it - instead I try to get them all some new toy/game before Pesach. Noone needs to feel left out; they all get something.

When I was growing up, us kids made a whole game out of hiding and finding the afikoman all thru the seder; by my dh they just didn't steal it at all. Neither of us knew from "afikoman gifts", just Pesach ones.

one year when a kid stole it, my dh just took other matza instead.

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 11:26 am

Yup, OP, same story as you-- we were always told that there is a common minhag for kids to "steal" the afikoman, but that it really isn't good chinuch-- so it wasn't gonna happen in our home!

Seraph

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 11:29 am

its actually brought down in sources to do it, so that way the kids will participate in the seder and want to stay up...

its not just a minhag shtus.

now the dilema we have for when older- my husbands father hid the afikomen and the kids had to find it. by us we kids stole it and my father had to find it. everyone got a gift regardless.
I want to do my minhag when our kids are older, my husband his. how did u solve this dilema if you had it? which minhag do u suggest we do?

AGINY

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 12:21 pm

As per our minhag of not teaching children to steal (under any circumstance), we don't steal the afikoman, and on chol hamoed we all get an "afikoman" prize for not stealing.

Ruchel

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 12:28 pm

In my family there was nothing special that I remember.

In my husband's, the afikomen was hidden and the child who finds it has a small gift. There may be comforting gifts for the losers. There is also a small thing for the child(ren) who sing(s) ma nishtana (to encourage others to sing along).

catonmylap

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 12:33 pm

breslov wrote:

You can sort of do both.

My father would always hide it. As we got older, we would try to steal it before he went off to hide it. Either way, we would then bargain to get what we wanted to get something. When we were little, we all got a gift regardless.

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 6:16 pm

In our house, it didn't matter either way b/c 9 x's out of 10, my father didn't get anything for us anyway. Luckily, my grandparents were there and my grandparents got us something. One year I got a jar of pickles, yum! Now, my mother takes the kids (grandchildren) to toys r us.

trafficgal

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 9:04 pm

we dont steal it for the reason you stated stealing is not a trait we want to teach our kids.

Growing up it really did nto bother me. More recently my aunt started a tradition that now goes on yearly... we get a few bags of cheap prizes and if the kids (or adults) ask or answer a good question (up to the judgemnet of my mother) we get a prize... It really livens up the Sedder and makes the kids get involved!!

chayitty

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 12:25 am

as a kid I rem. stealing the afikomin...very few times do I actually rem. getting something. but it was still fun and the whole family would get involved and since we lived in a condo my neighbors would also join us in hiding by our house...it was all very busy and alot of fun and all the kids stayed up till the end...as I got a lil older my nieces and nefews would steal it and they usally got wat they asked for..(execpt when my 5 yr old nefew asked for a lexus!!)...my kids r still very young and so they dont know yet about afikomin(maybe this yr my almost 4 yr. old will understand)..but my nieces and nefews steal ours and we always make sure to but em wat they asked for. I guess for me its tradition and something that ill cont. to do

Mitzvahmom

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 7:28 am

now...I did not grow up in a frum home..

But my family hides the afikomen, and then when the kids are bored they search the house for it. But who ever finds it keeps it, there's no stealing. They are the one that get to bargain to give it back.

mimivan

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 11:37 am

Yes, it is Chabad minhag not to steal the afikomen for chinuch reasons. It wasn't an issue I thought about before, but now my son goes to a special needs gan with all kinds of hareidi kids and he came home and said he would steal the afikomen and get a prize (he learned this in gan)

So I came up with an idea so he won't feel deprived. Why not give him a present for saying "ma nishtana" instead of after taking the afikomen? So I said, "You are learning in gan X, but at our seder, you will iy'h get a prize for saying ma nishtana"

There...no one feels deprived now.. Wink

amother

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 11:44 am

We almost never got a prize for "stealing" the afikoman...but it was fun anyway! When we were younger, my father would try to hide it, then the kids would look for it, and whoever found it would hide it again...etc. By the end of the seder, whoever knew where it was hidden could "bargain" for a prize...but they hardly ever got one, and they knew it! We would ask for things like a pony, a trip to Israel, etc. It was fun, exciting, kept the kids interested...but didn't involve huge prizes for us Smile

I don't know that it would work nowadays, or in all families, but it worked in ours...

Also, for those people who are against "stealing" the afikoman b'shitta: Would you let your kids play capture the flag? Steal the salami? I mean, as long as you make it clear that it's just a game, is it really such a problem? Is it the word "steal" that makes it not okay? What about stealing a base in baseball? I'm not trying to be confrontational; I'm just trying to understand...

amother

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 11:48 am

Quote:

Yes, it is Chabad minhag not to steal the afikomen for chinuch reasons.

(OP here) Nice to know Smile

guess I didn't really know any Lubavitchers when I was a kid.
What really got me, is when my kids were in Preschool, the day when they came back to school after pesach vacation, and the teachers would go around the class asking every girl what she asked for Afikomen! Surprised

As I said, my kids do get, but I was just imagining had my teachers done that many years ago! I guess these teachers really never heard of anyone who doesn't get anything. Confused

mimivan

Mon, Mar 31 2008, 12:30 pm

I guess the ganenette is going to have to ask my son what he got for saying ma nisthana instead.. Wink

Glad you mentioned this, so I can cue her before she asks the question...