is it weird to invite them?

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 7:10 am

we are moving to the same city as my husband's boss. he is what we would call mesorati, in the israeli way, meaning he is not a full practicing jew, but he does shabbat and he even told my husband that he sometimes puts on tefilin.

I wanted your opinions of what you thought of inviting him and his family for a friday night meal, not in a kiruvy way, just as a "nice to meet you" kind of way.

is that weird? would it look like kiruv?

In the kitchen

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 7:17 am

It might not be weird at all. It could be quite nice I am sure.
Obviously it would be uncomfortable if the topics of conversation turn to halachot...but you could have plent of good Shabbos conversation getting to know them and them getting to know you etc without touching areas that might seem like you are imposing your religious standards on them. Kol hakavod for the nice idea to have them over, if you do, I hope it goes well!

amother

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 7:55 am

Does he have kids your kids' ages? I don't know if this is relevant to you, but we had the same situation. Moved to a new city, invited DH's not frum boss over (also masorti type). He lived very close and his kids wanted to hang out with our kids all the time. I had to put an end to it making things very awkward for DH at work.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 7:57 am

amother wrote:

why couldnt your children play with their children? am I missing something?

Tablepoetry

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 8:27 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

why couldnt your children play with their children? am I missing something?

I assume she didn't want her kids socializing with non-dati kids.
Does he live close enough to walk? Or would he likely drive? Would that bother you?
Other than that, it sounds like a nice idea if you're very friendly. Personally, I wouldn't do it because I don't like to mix work and leisure, and I would feel uncomfortable hosting my boss. But if you 'click' and don't mind the relationship becoming closer, go for it.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 8:33 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

why couldnt your children play with their children? am I missing something?

oh, I see. no, I would not have any problem with my daughter playing with someone not religious.
no, he does not live close enough to walk and no it would not bother me if they drove (I grew up in a home where kiruv was THE thing and we had many many people drive to us on shabbat)

Peanut2

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 9:05 am

It is not weird to invite them. My father invites all sorts of work people, none observant and many not Jewish, to shabbos meals. It's a nice dinner, kiddush is nice, and have a plan in advance about washing and bentching. My parents don't make people wash, and no one has to bentch if they don't want to.

I love it and people love coming to their house.

MiamiMommy

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 9:06 am

Not weird, we do that all the time! We even have one older guy who comes every week now! I try to make it extra fancy (I pull out the china and silver) when a higher up is coming.

Another thing- when a wife is coming also, try not to spend tons of time in the kitchen during the meal. It can make them feel weird, and that "frum women only stay in the kitchen, etc". I try to prepare as much as I can before hand. I also don't clean as I go as much as I normally do.

Peanut2

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 9:53 am

Make sure you all are in agreement about what day they're coming.

Lots of chiloni Israelis call Shabbat dinner "aruchat shishi" and think a shabbat meal takes place on Saturday.

And by people enjoying shabbos meals at "their house", I meant my parents' home.

lilacdreams

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 12:11 pm

rauw wrote:

my dh boss is mormon. We have had him over several times, he loves my cooking, b'h. We just do weekdays, and choose the menu carefully. (no bread, so no washing, for instance) wine isnt a problem, the mormons don't drink.

lol, my dh's boss also!!

louche

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 1:05 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Do people in dh org normally invite their bosses to their homes? would you invite him if he were 100% dati? if so, then go ahead. If the answer to either question is "no," then you shouldn't.

Sherri

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 1:18 pm

louche wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Do people in dh org normally invite their bosses to their homes? would you invite him if he were 100% dati? if so, then go ahead. If the answer to either question is "no," then you shouldn't.

I agree with louche. I think it is more a question of whether or not this is professionally appropriate than a matter of kiruv or not.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 01 2010, 2:06 pm

Sherri wrote:

louche wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Do people in dh org normally invite their bosses to their homes? would you invite him if he were 100% dati? if so, then go ahead. If the answer to either question is "no," then you shouldn't.

I agree with louche. I think it is more a question of whether or not this is professionally appropriate than a matter of kiruv or not.

I am not sure what you mean about this question louche, meaning, my husband works in an accounting firm in the computer department. his department is about 10 people, my husband and his boss and a lot of college girls who do the rest of the work and maybe one or two other people who live nowhere near the boss. they have a nice relationship at work, friendly, and so because we will be moving to the same city as them, I thought it would be nice to invite them.
what would be unprofessional about that? my husband's boss already told my husband that if he ever needs a ride home to just let him know and he would be more than happy to give my husband one. its that kind of east relationship.

louche

Tue, Jun 08 2010, 10:13 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I thought it would be nice to invite them.
what would be unprofessional about that? my husband's boss already told my husband that if he ever needs a ride home to just let him know and he would be more than happy to give my husband one. its that kind of east relationship.

There are organizations in which inviting your boss to your home would be considered major sucking up by everyone including the boss. OTOH, there are orgs in which inviting your boss to your home is an expected rite of passage, and NOT inviting him would be the social faux pas.

Any way you slice it, trying to be mekarev your boss is not a good idea, and I would avoid doing anything that so much as smells like it. If I were to invite, I'd probably pick something more pareve, like Purim or Chanuka.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 08 2010, 10:55 am

louche wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

no, they are a very chilled out department and it would not be expected and it would not be not expected. I was just thinking that we will be living in very close proximity to them and that it would be nice, thats all.

as for smelling like kiruv, it would be the farthest thing from that. I think I mentioned that my husband's boss in traditional so he does do certain things for shabbat too.