Mitzva Tanz - did you have one?

Besiyata Dishmaya

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 7:39 pm

OK here is a lengthy description. Hope you'll find it interesting.

dlj wrote:

Who do you dance with?

If there's a Rebbe or Rov at the Mitzvah Tantz, he usually gets the first honor of dancing with the kallah - with the gartel, of course.

Then the badchan says grammen. (He comes prepared with rhymes he composed of the wonderful personality of the person/group who'd be honored to be the next one/s to dance.) Some of the badchonim add jokes or funny stories they make up (not loshon hora) to be mesame'ach chosson kallah.

The people dancing are generally relatives or very close friends.

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When you dance with your father and when you dance with chosson do you hold hands rather than hold the gartel?

The only ones you'd hold hands with are your chosson (if you're not a nidda), your father and your grandfather. Everyone else gets to dance with a gartel. Some men dance in front of the kallah without a gartel. (Kallahs who are nidda do not dance with the chosson at all. The mitzva tantz would stop after the dancing of the kallah's father who gets the honor to dance right before the chosson.)

If the kallah has several brothers and brothers-in-law, they all dance together holding onto one gartel. The same goes for the chosson's brothers and brothers-in-law; uncles from the kallah's side and uncles from the chosson's side. Otherwise it would take much too long if they'd get separate dancing accompanied by the badchan giving a "live hesped" for each person.

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Do any women watch (the videos on youtube just showed lots of men crowded round)? If not, did you feel lonely or isolated as only woman in the room?

Generally the kallah doesn't sit alone. In most chassidus the chosson sits next to the kallah, a bit in front of their mothers while the men are at the opposite end. In Ger, like CM described, the chosson sits in a 90 degree angle of the kallah. Then there are those chassidus where the chosson sits opposite the kallah between the two fathers and the kallah sits between the two mothers who sit next to the grandmothers and siblings if there’s enough room in the front row. There are several rows of chairs behind them for the rest of the relatives and friends.

In some places in Israel I've seen kallahs (in her shawl she wore at the chuppah) sitting in front of a laced mechitzah all alone with her face covered like by the chuppah next to her chosson and all the women behind this mechitzah.

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What did you wear - I noticed some brides had turbans on, some had sheitls with a veil, some had just a sheitl, others had also added a mask covering their face, some had almost like a shawl draped over the top half of their dress (I liked this as often I think wedding dresses are too tight!). Did you feel comfortable in what you were wearing?

The standard is what you wear for the entire wedding from after the chupah, a sheitel with or without crown/veil or a turban.

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Did you feel it was not tzanua in any way to be standing with loads of men watching you?

Not at all. When the circle of men danced around us, we hardly noticed it. We weren't really on this world... My husband was singing quietly to himself Aishes Chayil while I was praying since the mitzvah tantz is considered to be an eis rotzon, an auspicious time for prayer. After DH finished singing, he opened the circle and took me back to my seat.

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What did it feel like to stand while people danced at the end of the gartel? Could you watch if you had your face covered? Do you look at the Rebbes or just look down and daven?

It's only when dancing with your father and grandfather that you might feel a bit emotional. Otherwise, with all the other men it's joyous. I (as well as all the women in the background) looked at every person dancing with me. When dancing with a Rebbe/Rov you feel as if he's blessing you while dancing. By looking at tzaddikim you fulfill the verse of והיו עיניך רואות את מוריך and a segulah for yiras Shomayim.

married21 wrote:

On a funny note, I was once describing what at mitzvah tantz entails to my non-chassidish BT workmate… She really flipped out!!

Until I actually bought her my wedding pictures, and showed her that yes, we actually dance with out chosson holding handing, she thought I was pulling her leg.

At 2 of our BTs mitzvah tantz, their parents who were not religious couldn't stop crying when the chosson and kallah danced together.

married21 wrote:

Actually, I really enjoyed my Mitzvah Tantz. It was for me, the most memorable part of my wedding.

It felt really special to dance with my father and chosson. Lots of emotions involved.

I personally think it’s a beautiful way to end the wedding.