3 yrs old DS keeps getting send to principle office...

amother

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 2:49 pm

A bit of background: he's in a class full of boys (19 total), he doesn't speak as well as other children due to exposure of 2 languages and therefore as trouble expressing himself at times.
Because of that when kids bother him he either bits or scratch and gets send to principle's office. I am really getting upset because I feel and know the teachers are not bothering to get the full picture. Why I say that because each time he did it because the children "attacked" him first. DS tells me "so and so bit me so I scratch" Now I do not excuse IN ANY WAY DS's behavior and always tell him to go tell the morah. But the morahs are not doing their job and are just sending him to the principle's office which he hates (morah themself told me last time he was crying he didn't want to go). I found it very traumatic for a kid his age since he is the yougest kid in the class, most kids are either 4 or turning 4 soon. Also the fact that the morah dont even ask him "what happened? why did you bit/scratch ect.." before they send him to the office. I really want to talk to them about them NOT sending him anymore to the principle's office because it obvisouly doesn't work!!! but instead doing somehting else.
BTW each time I have pointed it out to them the next day that he didn't just do it out of nowhere!! and they're like "oh ok" Also another time I came early and witness an incident that im not happy about: he was playing nicely and the kid next to him was bothering him, he CLEARLY express it (morah and kids didn't know I was in the classroom, they all had they back to me) and the morah were at reaching distance and didn't do anything- they kept doing what they were doing. If I could hear it from where I was for sure they heard it and didn't do ANYTHING, then they come telling me my kids misbehaves and wanders why!!! shock

well other kids bother him and you dont do anything about it so that s how he'll get attention ( and again I reprimand his actings, they're not good midos and I tell him that and he fully understands also and feel sorry after he does it)
Im just really frustrated please tell me how I should handle it because right now I feel like screaming at the morahs and principle for letting this happen...

ElTam

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 4:37 pm

It sounds like he is too young to be in this sort of setting, especially since you say he is the youngest in the class. Can he come out at the mid-year break and go to a playgroup for the rest of the year.

I also am very concerned that teachers can't manage this very normal behavior and are sending him to the principal at such a young level. This does not sound like good chinuch and can really be setting him up for failure in the future. It also makes him a target for bullyin, low self-confidence, etc.

If you can't take him out, you and DH should meet with his moros and principal to find out other solutions. He needs to learn how do deal with the issue. Sending him out of class doesn't give him the chance to do with this.

lkwdmommy

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 4:43 pm

Ditto the above. My feeling is that -for a child who is young for his grade - if there is anything that might be setting a child up for difficulty in the classroom, that child should absolutely be held back. There is nothing like being the oldest, most capable child in the grade to boost his self-esteem. School is hard enough-why make it more difficult?

Personally, I held back two of my borderline children and it was the best move I made.

amother

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 8:12 pm

OP here
thanks for the replies. I spoke with my DH and we both agree he can't be sent to principle's office anyone. DH came up with something good: to put a chart in his room and every day he doesn't bit or hurt then he get 1 sticker and at the end of x amount of sticker a small toy. I think its good because it reinforces a good behavior as oppose to a bad one, the only concern I have with this is when we wean him off of it.
Now DH brought another issue, he heard from a co-worker (who kid is in my DS class) that he came off beaten and his parents weren't call. they were so upset that now they're thinking of pulling him out of the school. It seems to me that overall the teachers are not paying attention to whats going on in the class and the kids are really mean!! I saw it first hand and this is where my DS is getting his bad behavior cause I know he's not an angel but he copies certain things I saw the kids doing when I was there myself and in other settings too.

I also dont know to approach the principle and morah without being a lioness ie Argue

because sometime I can come off pretty strong.
Also any specific advice on how to stop the behavior in particular except for constantly repeating to him" we dont bit/hit, if a kid bother you go tell the morah!!"

As far as language he did an evaluation and we're waiting for further testing. Im the type of mother that is VERY on top of children's education and very involve in general so before the school even suggested I had him tested.

arghh I feel so annoy and a bit discouraged Confused

thanks for the advices Smile

the world's best mom

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 9:22 pm

Trying to work on his behavior while he's in that setting is like trying to dry a kid off while he's sitting in a bathtub full of water. You must get him out of there first.

A teacher who sends a 3 year old to the principal more than a couple of times a year at most clearly doesn't know how to discipline. She also sounds like she's not noticing or acting upon seeing bad behaviors.

You cannot train the teacher to be a better teacher. Since your kid is young, your best bet is probably to switch him to a more age appropriate stting- but first make sure the teacher has some idea of how to handle children.

imasinger

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 9:27 pm

It doesn't sound like a good situation. You might want to ask the principal if you can go in and observe the classroom once or twice. Write down everything you see that is problematic, either while you are there, or right after you leave, before you forget. Then, you will have factual information to take to the administration. If you feel that you want to give them a chance, you can give a certain amount of time to see if things improve. If at the end of that time, you still don't think it's right, find another setting for your DS. However, if you don't even want to give that chance (depending on what you observe), you may want to leave even sooner. Get the information, then trust your instincts.