Feel like made a mistake with the name

amother

Wed, Dec 14 2011, 8:10 pm

Anyone ever felt like they made a mistake when naming their child? I know you get the name through ruach hakodesh, but I feel like I listened to the wrong choice.
I named after a relative whose real name wasn't known. There were 2 possible choices. One is a common hebrew name, and the other is an uncommon name that can either be the nickname for the hebrew name or a name on its own.
I always thought the name was the uncommon name and was going to give it. But to make sure I made some phone calls. I spoke to 2 out of 4 children of the person and both said it was the uncommon name. Then I spoke to grandchildren of the person, who knew her and all insisted they have proof the hebrew name was the real name and the uncommon name was the nickname. I tried to get in touch with another child but I couldn't.
At the last minute I chose the hebrew name (our rav advised that if we weren't sure, and there was proof that the hebrew name may have been the name we should go with that).

This was a few weeks ago and I'm still not comfortable with my choice. to make matters worth I recently spoke to a third child of the person and they also insisted the real name was the uncommon name. I tried just using the uncommon name as a nickname but its strange if it isn't really her name. I'm just trying to figure out how to make myself comfortable with this.

chatz

Wed, Dec 14 2011, 8:31 pm

We had a similar situation where we were deciding between two different names or a combination of the two. We decided in the end to name X, but for some reason, both of us sometimes called her Y without realizing and just felt that maybe we should have called her Y. DH spoke to a Rav who said to leave it for a month, and after a month, if we both felt strongly about Y, we could add the name.

After a month, X just felt better. After 6 months, she is X through and through.

I think you should just leave it. If, after some time, you still feel strongly, speak to a Rav about adding/changing the name. (You can definitely add; I don't know about changing.)

Bear in mind, that a name is 1)Ruach Hakodesh 2)Hashgacha Pratis and 3)connected with a person's inner essence.

and Mazal Tov on your baby Smile

happy chick

Wed, Dec 14 2011, 8:58 pm

chatz wrote:

Bear in mind, that a name is 1)Ruach Hakodesh 2)Hashgacha Pratis and 3)connected with a person's inner essence.

and Mazal Tov on your baby Smile

very well put. it is all part of destiny and what hashem had planned.
I had a similiar situation and dd is now 13 months and I still think about it sometimes, but I dont agonize myself over it cuz its all part of hashems master plan.

studying_torah

Wed, Dec 14 2011, 11:12 pm

I had a similar situation- I was leaning towards giving one name that I knew hubby would really appreciate, but for personal reasons I didn't care for the name. We ended up giving a name that is totally not in my family (something no one has ever done in my circles!) but one I really liked. Afterwards I felt bad not to have given the name that hubby liked and felt close to. I thought we gave the wrong name. But now, that my baby is nearly 5 months old- his name became a part of him.... So like the other women said, give it time!
Good luck!

imaima

Fri, Dec 16 2011, 3:53 am

We had something similar going on. We had a baby and named him after a relative who was called, let's say, Avraham. Well, a bit later my dh casually mentions that Avraham is just a name everyone in the family called him, but his Hebrew name was Lazer Echezkiel. Like, two totally unconnected names!!! They just have this thing going on in the fam - everyone goes by names that a different from what they were given! Who would have thought? Anyway, the ds remained what we named him initially and it suits him right.

lilacdreams

Fri, Dec 16 2011, 4:56 am

Same happened to us. We called a child X-Y, but had planned on calling the child mostly by the first name. But then we decided child looked more like the 2nd name and we were stuck. We consulted a Rav who has written a sefer on names and he said to stick with the first name and to leave the order of the names as we had named said child. It took some time but now a few years later that child is definately more X than Y!

freidasima

Fri, Dec 16 2011, 8:51 am

Never heard this business about a name being ruach hakodesh until imamother. Certainly not today's names. More like a name from the family or a name you like or a name you feel you have to give or a name that you are forced to give for sholom bayis. Or any combination of the above together. Don't take it so seriously. If you don't like the name you chose make up a nickname and use it. If you kids don't like their names tell them that they can change them when they get older. Some actually do!

auntie_em

Fri, Dec 16 2011, 9:41 am

freidasima wrote:

I am so glad you said that. I thought I was the only one who never heard that before!

amother

Sun, Dec 18 2011, 3:07 pm

dear OP, yes, I also felt like I made a hugh mistake after naming a child. I wanted to name after a very dear relative who had passed away close to the birth of my child. dh agreed, but a couple days before the bris told me that he never really liked the name and only wanted to name the relative's first name and not both first and middle name. he felt so strongly about it, that even though I was close to this relative, I agreed with dh because I felt that shalom bayis is more important, and that it was his son too so he should be comfortable with the name. well, after the bris, I was so upset with myself for my decision to go along with dh. I even got into a big fight with him about it, and he said if he knew I felt so strongly about it he would have given both names, which made me feel even worse.
so how do I deal with it? I remind myself that a child's name is bashert, and although at the time I could have made a different decision, no matter if my reasons were right or wrong, the outcome is what is bashert. in other words, it was bashert for my son to have this name, and it would have happened somehow or other no matter what I did. (I even think it is bashert for it to work out this way, and for me to feel guilty about the name! how confusing is that?!?) but he is a few years old, and his name is his name, and my only choices now are either to feel bad about his name or to feel good about his name. I choose to feel good about his name (and although I also choose not to be upset at dh about it, I'm still working on that part....) I think it would help you to look at it this way too - once the name is chosen, it doesn't matter why it was chosen, it was bashert for the child to have that name.