Successful 9 yr old - Jealousy!?

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 1:44 pm

My 9 year old is a very good boy ka"h. He's clever, quick minded and very well behaved in school (at home he's like every other kid) and is popular with many friends.

His teachers love him and and have said they wish all their pupils would be like him. His fellow classmates love him too and whenever my husband sees any of them they never fail to tell my husband that our son is the best boy in the class. On one occasion my husband went to collect my son for an appointment and half the class jumped up from their seats. They each wanted to be the one to tell my husband what a good boy our son is.

Now, first and foremost, I am extremely grateful to Hashem for all this and hope that with His help our son continue to make us all proud. We have explained to him that he should be aware that his talents are a gift from Hashem and he should not feel bigger or better then his peers because of it. Although he is very studious we make sure that he gets plenty of play-time so that he doesn't get burnt out and we often show him how pleased we are even when his results (on rare occasions) are less then the best so that he doesn't feel a pressure to do well.

But, I am worried about his teacher's excessive praise in front of the other kids and although he has many friends I am worried about them resenting him and harbouring jealousy. What, if anything, do you think I can do about this? Although I'm delighted every time one of his classmates tell me about him, I find it a little peculiar and it makes me feel uneasy. Ideas!?

amother

Mon, Mar 19 2012, 5:08 am

de_goldy wrote:

amother wrote:

On one occasion my husband went to collect my son for an appointment and half the class jumped up from their seats. They each wanted to be the one to tell my husband what a good boy our son is.

This is extremely strange behavior.

OP here. I totally agree. The whole thing is really bothering me. What do you think is behind it?

amother

Mon, Mar 19 2012, 7:44 am

I have the same thing with my ten year old son. He is by far the most advanced in secular studies. This year he is really applying himself to Gemura. All the boys rush to tell us that he is beating the former best boy.

I would not worry. In secular schools, the boys look up to the best athletes. Here, the boys are conditioned to look up to the best learners. If your son went to public school and your son made an amazing play during the day, I think the boys would rush to tell your husband especially if they had known him for awhile.

Relax and thank Hashem for your good fortune. As long as he remains good with his peers, I would not worry about it.

BTW, except in class, my son does not flout his brains. He is just like any other yeshiva boy. His friends may envy him just as other boys would envy a good athlete. I think if anything it adds to his popularity to be so bright.

I went to public school. Being bright there was a sign of being a weirdo.

6coop

Mon, Mar 19 2012, 8:13 am

de_goldy wrote:

amother wrote:

On one occasion my husband went to collect my son for an appointment and half the class jumped up from their seats. They each wanted to be the one to tell my husband what a good boy our son is.

This is extremely strange behavior.

I don't think this is so strange. This happens a lot in my 12 year old ds's carpool, where the other boys will race to tell me about something great that my ds did in school, or a high grade that he received. This also happened once with my younger son who received a 100 on a school-wide bechina and at a kiddush on shabbos, at least 3 different boys came up to me and said "Did you know that 'so and so' (my ds) got a 100 on the bechina?"

I don't think that all forms of jealousy are the same. It's possible be "jealous" of someone because you want to emulate them and be more like them, but not because you begrudge them what they have. I wouldn't worry about it all unless your son develops a big head, or becomes a snob about his successes.