Did you invite your parents friends to your child's simcha?

amother

Tue, May 08 2012, 12:33 pm

OP gila-rina
The only time he saw the grandparents friends at a Bar Mitzvah was when the grandfather foot the bill for the party. Otherwise it was relatives, boys friends, neighbors, shul friends etc.
Just some background info my mother is not this "bubby" type of grandmother. She never babysits the kids, never asks how they are doing in school, doesn't know which kids have social issues or academic issues. When she comes over she never goes to play with the kids. She sits in our living room to be entertained by us.
We are invinting her relatives to the bar mitzvah so its not like she won't know anybody.

amother

Tue, May 08 2012, 12:44 pm

Are these friends that you have/had any kind of relationship with?
How would your parents take it if you said no?
If it would become a huge fight , then just come up with a number (eg: one table worth) & the expenses also include centerpiece benchers, tablecloths.

You aren't under any obligation, certainly not to burden yourself with added cost.

BTW I did have my parents invite friends- they did about 5-7 couples each simcha. However since I live oot only 2-3 came. Additionally as they were so few , these are the people who had been in my life since childhood

amother

Tue, May 08 2012, 4:27 pm

OP here
I wouldn't want her to pay for benchers and centerpieces for her friends table because why is it really her business what I'm spending on the affair. I don't need her opinion if I'm spending too much or too little. But is it worth it to get my husband to okay her friends? It will be a fight between my husband and myself or my parents and myself? Who would you choose to have the fight with? I hardly see my parents friends that she wants to invite. And some of them I don't know.

amother

Tue, May 08 2012, 4:27 pm

amother

Tue, May 08 2012, 4:27 pm

Raizle

Tue, May 08 2012, 7:03 pm

amother wrote:

OP here. The reason why I asked is because we are making a bar mitzvha in a few months and my husband thinks its weird to invite the grandparents friends if its our simcha. Besides he doesn't really see his friends inviting their parents friends. So what would you do? His parents are not asking to invite anybody. Just some background info my parents don't help at all. The last time they bought the bar mitzvah boy something to wear was when he was a year old. And my other kids when they were born. The only thing they give my kids is a birthday presant once a year and sometimes a chanukah presant. They stopped giving me a birthday presant years ago. She offered to pay whatever it costs to sit down her friends for the meal. But thats without adding on the cost of renting the hall.

ok but do you have to get a bigger hall to accomodate them?
if it doesn't change what you are paying already on the hall and if she is offering to pay then I'd do it.

you can include in the price anything it costs to set up another table for them but remember that you don't buy a bentcher per person. you only need to order bentchers for about half the people plus a bit extra for the singles and boys. Not everyone takes and it's understood you have one per couple

b from nj

Wed, May 09 2012, 12:06 am

BH, we have a lot of relatives to invite to bar/bat mitzvahs that I certainly wasn't gonna start with my parents' & in-laws friends. that is just too much & unnecessary IMO & my parents/in-laws never requested it. the only request my MIL had was to invite her second cousin who was like a sister to her which I did without a problem but their friends, no way jose Wink

shanie5

Wed, May 09 2012, 11:14 pm

yo'ma wrote:

shanie5 wrote:

For my first sons bar mitzvah I invited a few of my parents friends. They talked all through his leining so I did not invite them again.

For the weddings, I invited my parents friends that I felt a connection to. My mil insisted we invite some people she wanted. As neither dh nor I had any connection to them, we told mil that she can invite whoever she wants as long as she pays for them.

Uh oh, did my mother talk? She's usually very good Very Happy

. Was she even there for the shabbos bar mitzvah?

We're b'h making a bar mitzva soon and if we were living in NY, I wouldn't invite my parents friends. My dh might be inviting some of his parents friends, but that's because he's friends with them too. When I say friends, I mean friendly, neighborly, and travel in the same circles.

Nope, your mom didnt come for the shabbos. I think she came for the bo bayom. And your mom wasnt just my moms friend, she was mine too!

As for my mil friends, one originally said no, then came to the wedding and asked if she could stay. I was fine with it, but then they wanted me to find her a seat!!! Who has time for that at their childs wedding? I think that friend left-upset.

yentaof8

Sun, May 13 2012, 12:32 am

My mother gets invited to her friends' grandchildren wedding and would like invite them to our son's upcoming wedding. They were invited to my DD's wedding 3 years ago and many came. I didn't object bc it did give her nachas.

pumpkinsbubby

Sun, May 13 2012, 1:03 am

Yes! Yes! Yes!
I would not have it otherwise.
My simcha is my parent's simcha...and here's a chance to do a mitzvah and make them happy.
We married off all of our children, ka"h, and before each wedding, we asked my parents for a list of any and all friends they wanted us to invite. And we did not ask them to help pay for the wedding. In reality, only a few of their friends showed up, but it made my parents very happy to have their friends share in their simcha - the marriage of their grandchildren...
May there always be simchos, and may we always have parents to honor at these special occasions!

groisamomma

Sun, May 13 2012, 1:45 am

Certainly NOT. They had their turn to host their friends when they made their simchos. Including not inviting a single (!!!!) one of my friends to my own shabbos sheva brachos because they had other people and friends they had to impress.

amother

Sun, May 13 2012, 7:47 am

But isn't YOUR simcha THEIR simcha???
Maybe you are young and just starting out...I am in my late 50s and realize that if I can make my parents happy in their later years, here's a chance to do a mitzvah; it doesn't cost me much extra, because most of their friends won't come anyway, but it makes them really happy.

pumpkinsbubby

Sun, May 13 2012, 7:52 am

yentaof8 wrote: