Double standard? (re: ripping out sheitel hairs)

amother

Thu, Sep 06 2012, 8:17 pm

candyheart wrote:

amother wrote:

I wish there was a resolution for this; but I have come to believe none exist.

I believe I have a failproof solution for you:

Tell her "because cars are so difficult to clean thoroughly, our family's minhag is to never bring chometz into our car at all, ever. This is a chumrah we hold by. DH is very strict about it."

Say this with total seriousness. She doesn't have to know that you are joking.....

I did find the solution. My Rabbi said this is against halacha. It is called stealing. I don't quite understand the stealing part.

If I tell my guests the Rabbi said this is against halacha no one will knowingly violate halacha. This they have respect for.

Imagine trying to explain this outside the frum community!

ally

Fri, Sep 07 2012, 12:06 am

Fox wrote:

ally wrote:

As an aside, if you posted here that you were going away for a month in the summer, and I asked if I could stay in your house since it was empty anyways - you would think that a polite, normal request?

Yes, I would think it was completely normal. In fact, I would be thrilled, because it means my house wouldn't be standing unattended for a month.

I never go anywhere, but I've had people stay in my house for periods of a week (vacationing students or people who weren't able to clean for Pesach) to a month (a couple whose apartment rental fell through shortly before they moved) up to two years (a bochur). I've hosted tons of people for meals and Shabbosos simply because they got stuck at O'Hare.

I'm not crazy; I check people out and require some sort of verification through a rav, etc., that they are who they say they are.

Now, there is a difference between asking and receiving. Not everyone has the energy, let alone the space, to do this. Some people have antiques, seforim, or other possessions that they feel might be vulnerable to guests. Personally, I've never had any serious problems, but I can understand the sentiment. I have, in fact, turned down guests who seemed suspicious or who were unable to provide any reasonable references.

But, no, I think the request was pretty reasonable. Perhaps not realistic, but that's another story. Like Ruchel says, "everything is cultural." It may seem shocking to you, but I can assure you that not everything thinks the same way.

There is a very big difference between hosting people in your house and leaving an empty house to strangers. Most of the people I know in tourist areas of Israel are hosting strangers for Shabbos almost every week and for almost every yom tov. In between there are people who come looking for a place to stay while they go on shidduchim, vacation, take a break between jobs and I don't know what else.

When you leave your empty house,it means people are sleeping on your beds, using your china and your crystal and everything else that you own. You need to reorganize closets and if you don't want them to touch certain things, you need to put them away and lock them up. And trust they won't use it.

I think that maybe the cultural difference here, isn't an Israel-US thing but more of a suburbia vs popular holiday destination.

ally

Fri, Sep 07 2012, 12:11 am

Fox wrote:

BetsyTacy wrote:

I am the American who agreed with the supposed "anti-Kollel rant." I wasn't agreeing to a rant--I was agreeing to the idea that working-very-hard-to-pay-full-tuition people often don't get to go to Israel either. And if they do go, they generally pay for their own airfare, and have a plan in place for housing. That is not being "anti-Kollel"-that is being a mature adult.

So where do you draw the line? Should someone traveling to EY refuse to share a taxi because, after all, their fellow travelers should have budgeted for their own transportation? Should someone book the first hotel they find rather than attempt to locate a less expensive hotel because, after all, if they can afford to travel, they should budget for the top-of-the-line accommodations. Should a visitor to EY avoid using the buses because, after all, he's taking up valuable space, and if he can afford the ticket to EY, he should be able to afford a taxi?

Why is it your business why the couple is traveling, etc.? Either you have information for them or you don't. If you don't have information or an apartment, then it's a moot point. If you do have information or an apartment, you can get the details and decide how to proceed.

I'll grant that some situations are inherently more sympathetic than others. Visiting a dying grandmother might elicit a different reaction than, "Oh, we just wanted a break." But the OP gave no details initially, and even if she had, individual circumstances make it almost impossible to make a cheshbon. Do we really want to start parsing whether someone is "deserving" of free or low-cost accommodations if he's visiting his dying grandmother but had attended yeshiva in EY for 3 years but visited her only twice, etc., etc.?

amother wrote:

??
She clearly doesn't live in Israel, because she says she and her husband don't TRAVEL TO ISRAEL.
Not to make assumptions or anything, but I'm pretty sure that means they don't live there......

Right, and we know that because . . . she said so! I'm actually presuming she doesn't live in EY, but it's completely irrelevant to my points, which are:

1. There are a handful (more than 2; less than 6) posters in EY who are consistently unhelpful in an insulting way when someone asks what they consider to be an inappropriate question;

2. The OP did not say anything in her first two posts that required more than a simply explanation of the options for travelers to EY; and

3. The pile-on started before the OP's more strident post regarding chesed.

The pile-on was by a bunch of amothers, ONE of whom was American.
So HOW does that make them regular Israeli posters with a fear of freiing?