This system isn't working for me

amother

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 2:08 pm

I am a SAhm and tend I do most of cleaning, laundry ect., I also am a little type A about certain thing like washing dishes ( no food specs for me) and vacuuming. However if I ask DH he will do whatever I want and certain things he does just because he s better at it like making coffee , omelets, paperwork and putting the kids to bed. So some jobs are specific and some r non discriminatory. However as a child who never had cleaned up after himself my DH doesn't naturally do it himself, so while he will do what I ask, I have to ask for a lot of things to be done, but the longer we r married the more my dh knows and anticipates what should be done. As DH says a husband can only be happy if his wife is happy.

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2013, 3:40 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

As much as I agree with everyone about the importance for DH's to do their fair share, it usually doesn't happen. DH's usually end up "helping" more than taking half of the responsibilities. For example, my DH will help tremendously in making Shabbos, getting the kids dressed, bathed, fed, grocery shopping, etc. But at the end of the day, it is my orchestration and organization that gets everything in place when it's needed. I pull it all together, and make sure each piece of the puzzle is in its proper place. The responsibility of it getting done often falls on my shoulders, even if I ask for and get DH's help.I think that the only thing that's his sole responsibility is paying the bills. And all of my friends, relatives and acquaintances concur; I have yet to find a woman tell me that her DH is equally responsible for the household and childcare duties. They've even done studies on it and found that women still bear the brunt of those duties despite working as many hours a week as their DH's.

Do I like it? No. Do I get resentful? At times. My DH is tremendously involved and helpful. But it's probably not gonna change. So I accept it.

And take a break from it for a few days a year to get my bearings.

My husband takes more responsibility in running our home than me, and he could complain on 'imafather' that I just 'help'.
We both work. Him more hours then me.

I spend a lot of time with the kids, taking care of them, playing with them, my kiddies seem to thrive on quality time, and I give it to them on expense of other things.

We both are involved in childcare. We have 2 kids. I give one a bath and the second put to bed, while my husband gives one a bath and puts another to bed (so we each have time with each kid every night...)

My husband does ALL shopping for food, veggies, toiletries, cleaning supplies etc.

We both cook. I usually do suppers and he does most of shabbos. while we both enjoy an neat home, he does the lions share of cleaning. I usually do the once-every-few-week major few-hour-marathon clean up, and am the main one who organizes the house (clothes, toys etc.) but DH keeps the house running day to day. He usually winds up cleaning the kitchen, (and it's a big job), loading the dishwasher, and sometimes cleaning the toys bec. he is more motivated and less lazy than me. Of course I 'help out' or sometimes take responsibility but not nearly as much.

A cleaning lady does the heavy cleaning (mopping, vacuuming, etc.) and most of our laundry.

I do the bills. And budgeting. (I'm the bigger spender since I buy the clothes, house ware, toys, baby / child gear so necessary that I'm more aware.)

He deals with insurance of home, car, medical, and all legal forms I have no patience for.

We both wake up at night to deal with the kids. He usually gets the older one ready in the morning since we are very pressured with time, and it takes me much longer to get dressed for work then him (brush sheitle, make-up etc.)

And... he does most of the dirty diapers when he's home.

Am I a horrible wife?? I know my husband is definitely unbelievable in many ways. Perhaps it is unusual but here u have an example of a man who is more responsible for the running of the home then his wife, and he is the main bread winner to. No, not all men are as domestically incapable as they are made out to seem. And not all women are the super wife and mom keeping things running.

Sorry for all this rambling, but in short -YES, there are some MEN who pull the family / home together. I know bec. I'm married to one!

Anonymous because I'm embarrassed that I seem to so so much less then most women Sad

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