whose job- tznius police

amother

Wed, May 22 2013, 8:42 pm

This brings back memories.... I had an extremely difficult situation at home as a kid. All throughout my school years I didn't have even one principal/teacher/staff member say a caring word to me or ask if there's anything I need help with. Even a smile would've helped...

But one thing the principal did notice on me (having missed the broken heart and pain in the eyes) was when my button was open or skirt not long enough...that's when she was there....

healthywoman

Wed, May 22 2013, 8:56 pm

I dont think its your job. I can see why pple think it may be but if you think back as a child- did you have a good relationship with the annoying teacher who kept telling you about your skirt being short or the teacher who didnt say anything and was understanding or the teacher who said things nicely??

I think its the principals job. who knows maybe theres a reason behind the girls decision, or maybe through a positive realtionship she will realize she doesnt need the short skirts or wtvr. you should look at the person as a whole. not judge people based on looks or what they wear. this is something people dont understand even when beyond school and its really sad!.

amother

Wed, May 22 2013, 9:01 pm

I am a limudei kodesh teacher in a school that is very into tznius.. I never tell my students "That's too tight, short, long, etc." The same way that I tell them "According to the school dress code, students are only allowed to wear the school sweater" I also say, "According to the school dress code, only one button is allowed to be open at the top of your shirt." There is no arguement, debate, or discussion. I'm not "policing" them, I'm simply letting them know what the dress code is. It generally works. If it doesn't work then there is usually a much deeper issue going on.

Jewishmofm

Wed, May 22 2013, 11:52 pm

As a sometimes limudei kodesh teacher, I have to say it is your job. I don't understand all the posts about it turning the student off to anything else you might teach - what on earth are you teaching that is more important than basic yahadus? I mean, parsing a ramban is wonderful heady stuff, but ya can't run if you won't walk. That said, it is delicate, and obviously, the way it's done can be (and has been in many instances) a real turn off. Fact is, most of do want to do what's right, and do what's right when we can. The only way to deal with a tznius issue (as with most other serious issues) is to find the core . . . is it self esteem? build me up is it money? teaching calls for creativity - I'm sure you can find a way to make sure the money is there. is it peer pressure? I think starting with a baisc statement of these are the school's rules is a great way to avoid pushing a hot button, but if it continues, you have to deal with the underlying issue head on.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 12:08 am

amother wrote:

Agreed. I went to a modern orthodox coed yeshiva. We had no uniform. We had a dress code. Skirts had to cover the knee. If you got caught with a skirt that didn't cover your knee, you had to wear the "office skirt" over your too short skirt. No mussar, no drama, end of story.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 8:01 am

Fox wrote:

I would also try to be sensitive to whether it's a growth issue or a fashion statement, particularly if the girl might not have the financial ability to simply purchase a new skirt. You know the girls, and you know who might have grown a few inches versus who is attempting to push the envelope because she wants to be cool.

In addition to a growth issue, consider that for some it may be a weight issue, which can be a very sensitive topic. I've put on a few pounds over the past couple of years and it makes my skirts hike up more because they are tighter on top. I bought some new ones but it took me a while to realize the situation and was hard to admit to myself that the weight gain actually made a difference.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, May 23 2013, 12:33 pm

Maybe a wall poster OP could point to occasionally, saying, "girls, remember this. It's the rules here". The poster would show visually, and spell out verbally, what's needed, and why, with sources. A drawing of a girl with accompanying text. It should be respectul, and attractive, as it will surface on the OTD websites and be sneered at. But it might de-personalize the issue.