Hashkafa of debt | Imamother

amother

Red

Wed, Nov 11 2015, 9:28 pm

We are of simple tastes, have lived simple lives, want to be generous, do basic mitzvos like tzedaka and invite guests for shabbos. We eat simple meals--buying "expensive" foods (I.e. meat) l'kovod Shabbos/y"t, most of our fleishig meals during the week are leftovers from Shabbos. I have barely bought anything for myself--and what I have purchased has been l'kovod y"t. We barely ever go out--anniversary and maybe birthdays (my recent b-day we went out for ice cream instead of a full meal). And yet, despite all of our reasonable hishtadlus and barely doing the above mitzvos, we have been faced with the nisayon of debt. I keep having emunah that HaShem provides for us, and that HaShem determines our parnassah at the beginning of each year. We are entering our 30s and we have several kids. Any savings we managed to have has been eaten up over the years of misfortune. Every time things have "looked up" another expense comes our way. How do we get out of debt?

The Happy Wife

Wed, Nov 11 2015, 9:46 pm

It sounds like you try to keep expenses down. If you want to improve finances, you either have to reduce expenses or bring in more money. And daven.
Hugs. It's so hard to be given that nisayon.

amother

Red

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 9:06 am

Op here. Thanks, what makes it so hard is I'm a highly qualified individual in my field but I've been underemployed--exploring every possible way to earn more and I kept hitting dead ends, and we've fallen behind. Yes my husband is learning, but he is earning a stipend and doing odd jobs, and we'very calculated I'd if it would help us I'd he stopped and often it would be "just one more case", "one more job" and we'd be ok, but it wouldn't come. We aren't supposed to take on debt without a way to pay back, so why hasnt there been work just so we can get out/stay out of the hole? Now I'm working full-time, but it just seems an insurmountable mountain to climb.

The Happy Wife

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 9:24 am

If your husband got that one more job, would you REALLY be ok? Would you just be able to cover expenses or would you be able to start paying off some debt, too?
Maybe your husband could just learn half day and find a steady job for afternoon/evening, at least until your finances are more stable.

SRS

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 9:39 am

I think the best way to develop a "hashkafa" to what you refer to as the nisayon of debt is to get out of debt. One full time income with periods of underemployment is not going to get you were you need to be. It seems like you are doing your part and your husband is going to need to change his approach to income. Odd jobs and a kollel stipend do not an income make.

SRS

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 9:51 am

Also, don't worry about the things you are not doing religiously like tzedaka. You are in debt and have to get out to even be obligated in what is essentially a custom. Furthermore, same goes for shabbos. Eat at the lowest possible level "make your shabbos like a weekday" until you are getting out of debt.

amother

Lime

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 10:35 am

You have chosen your nisoyon by choosing for your dh to learn rather than work. This is entirely your own making rather than something random HKBH sent you to test you.

Facing the consequences of your own choices is tough, but this issue was predictable and self inflicted in your case, from the information you have shared. You are adults, can both work, and have chosen not to bring in enough money to finance your lifestyle (ie number of children, tuition, normal expenses )

If you said your dh was sick, had enormous medical bills and was unable to work, this would be a financial nisoyon.

I speak as someone who did have that nisoyon, a great career but sudden and long term ill health so unable to work for many months and a dh who had to change from his beloved but poorly paid high level research post to one which was less satisfying but financially viable. BH we came through. I hope you can also find a pathway through this.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Nov 13 2015, 11:40 am

amother wrote:

You have chosen your nisoyon by choosing for your dh to learn rather than work. This is entirely your own making rather than something random HKBH sent you to test you.

Living this every day and in total agreement with this post. OP, he needs to step up now or you'll miss your chance. I know I did and I'm thousands of dollars in debt and dreadfully resentful of his learning.

November

Sat, Nov 14 2015, 4:41 pm

See if you can find a way to listen to Dave Ramsey on the Radio or internet. He speaks about getting out of debt and gives great advice. I learned so much from listening to him answer callers' questions.