How do you feel if close relatives/friends change their name

amother

Thu, May 17 2007, 2:08 pm

As somebody who changed names when I got married I can tell u that it was extremely difficult cuz I felt I lost my identity. I lost all my memories from childhood and from my 1-st marriage (although this I didn't mind). I felt like a newborn baby w/ no past. the reason I changed is bec. my mil is called by the same name. I have three names and now I'm called by my first and third name instead of my middle only. It took me about a year to start feeling like it's me. My family got used to it pretty quick. But with my friends I never bothered to change it. So, I'm basically being called by two different names by different people.

amother

Thu, May 17 2007, 2:09 pm

GramaNewYork

Thu, May 17 2007, 2:26 pm

Thank you, LL and Bamba.

Bamba said "...calling her something else felt unnatural, forced... just plain weird..."

I guess that's sort of the feeling I felt. Thanks.

TzenaRena said: "the uncomfortable feeling of changing the way you call someone is on the surface."

I guess for me that uncomfortable feeling is not on the surface but deep inside of me because of the close bond. If I wasn't attached to the person, I wouldn't care at all about calling them by a different name than I have called them since we met and grew our relationship for years. If I didn't like their shoes, I'd say that was more of a "surface" thing.

Seraph

Thu, May 17 2007, 3:28 pm

With my husband, it was especially hard because a nickname is a term of endearment, and a full name sound so formal.
For example, its like my husband's name is Michoel. I knew him as Mickey for 5 years, and now he wants to be called Michoel. But his family calls him Michael (pronounced Mikel, the non jewish way). So no one really calls him Michoel anyhow, and it sounds so formal. I can manage to call him Michael when talking to his family, but I think I've maybe called him Michoel twice since we were married. It sounds so weird and unnatural and formal. Like calling him Mr Lastname, almost.

Motek

Thu, May 17 2007, 4:06 pm

GramaNewYork wrote:

I really dislike when this happens. I feel that a name is a very intimate element of a relationship. If, after years of close interaction with a loved one you have to start calling them by a different name, I feel that it has a negative emotional effect.

I agree with you.

Yes, I respect those who switch to using a Jewish name, no problem with that.

What I find annoying is when relatives change the form of their name, like Chana Sarah becomes Sari or Shmiel becomes Shmuel. 4 family members have done this and it's a pain, especially when with some of them, it's the wives who changed their husband's name from what it was before they came along.

happyone

Thu, May 17 2007, 4:16 pm

I still call my friends by their maiden names, as that's what's a part of them. I have some friends/aquaintances that have changed their first name, but to us that have known them their whole life we still call them by their nickname or previous name.
But --- it's your own business or choice on how you would like to be called. Most people I know did not choose their name but were named at birth by their parents. People do have a right as they get older to have a choice in how they would like to be called. When I think of it now, I probably should respect their wishes and use the new name.

su7kids

Thu, May 17 2007, 5:01 pm

GramaNewYork wrote:

Breslov, you seem to be the only one that understands me on this.

Su7Kids, it seems like you did have the same problem...when you changed countries (and therefore cultures, enviroment, lifestyle) it was easy for you to switch, but while you were in the same atmosphere that you built your bond in, it was hard for you.

Others are saying they support people when they change their names (who doesn't!?) but I didn't notice if they said that someone close to them changed their name so they know how it feels or they just "support" it in theory.

Actually, we only lived ni israel for 5 years. We were raised and married in South Africa.

It was a MINDSET. I didn't WANT to before, and now I did want.

mummy

Thu, May 17 2007, 9:45 pm

some of my siblings changed the way they were called because they didnt like their nickname. It was a really difficult change for everyone but out of respect for them we tried really hard, of course slipping many times but after a while it becomes second nature.

greenfire

Thu, May 17 2007, 9:59 pm

I'm a little tired so I skipped over the arguments ...

I am so with you gramaNY cause I can't stand when people go and change their name ... I feel as if they are expecting me to get it ... suddenly you are somebody else ... I have tried and can't do it ... whether its a nickname to a full name ... or an english to a hebrew ...

for some reason though whoever I introduce myself to as my english name ... if they hear my hebrew name ... suddenly I'm "green" a'la... this happens over and over again ...