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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
Iymnok
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 12:23 am
It’s your DH’s responsibility, not the principal.
Your children’s emotional well-being is vital here, their dad's paramour is their teacher.
Don’t blame this woman however guilty she mq hi hugs. B. Njbbhbjjay be. That’s just moving the guilt around. He may just find a different woman.
A therapist, Rav, or other trustworthy individual is a much better bet.
(Though, as a principal, I wouldn’t want a teacher without such basic values.)
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weasley
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 3:33 am
Jewishfoodie wrote: | OP! So sorry for what you're going through.
Step by step here.
1. Your husband volunteered this info. Correct? If so, he wants to get it off his chest for whatever reason. You are well within your rights to insist you go to couples counseling to resolve his issues and need for attention from other females etc.
2. If your child is in this school, maaaan. Awkward! But it's still not the teacher who needs her job revoked, though I question her moral compass. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else, if he had the need for a "friend".
3. This is quite controversial in some circles but the reality is that men are usually completely comfortable with being open with other women, besides their wife, and it's not because you're not enough of a wife. It's because they want to be liked. By a lot of women. Not just one. Please dont hang me; it's true. Just look at the workplace. You have no idea how many bosses have "heart to heart" talks about their wives and marriage with coworkers; male and female alike. I didn't say it was right. I just said it's a fact in many environments.
4.To solve this, you need your husband to make a commitment to you. A commitment that will not be easy for his nature but is necessary in order for your marriage to continue at a happy pace. And in order for you not to be hurt.
5. Some people are happy not knowing. Their husbands bring in a fine income, how he gets to it is not their wives' concern, and they "fool around" at their leisure, knowing their wives are stuck relying on them. Baruch Hashem that is not the case by you. You sound too angry for it to be the case. So take a deep breath, and get to the bottom of his "need for other friends".
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's a horrible feeling thinking your husband's allegiance may lie elsewhere. But it's a workable situation. Don't let your mind go to.. "He's cheating on me" because this could be in innocence. I don't know your background but I find in some circles, where men have never spoken to a female other than their sisters prior to marriage, some of them kinda go a bit overboard after marriage. Like it's forbidden fruit to them..
I'm sorry that this is happening but do know that it happens in all circles. You do whatever it takes for you to trust him again.
Unless he's not willing to take the steps you recommend, you should be able to solve this to your satisfaction.
Good Luck, I hope this is just harmless unburdening, on his part. Very likely, it is.
Though I'm hating the teacher for getting in your way.. |
If they're holding hands it's very much past the unburdening stage.
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Jewishfoodie
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 6:01 am
weasley wrote: | If they're holding hands it's very much past the unburdening stage. |
Possibly. But I'm hoping he was referring to "holding someone's hand in yours, while they unburden" as we do with people who tell us a sad story. Like, "I'm so sorry for you" and instead of hugging, you just take their hand, to show you care.
I'm praying it didn't go farther than that. But none of us actually know any of that as fact.
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Woman of Valor
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 6:15 am
I am skeptical that it was just holding hands. If it was more, why would he admit it?? Why is this man taken at his word when he clearly crossed the line??
Not trying to make OP more upset. But just trying to be realistic. Hatzlacha getting whatever intervention you need to move forward in your marriage.
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imasoftov
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 8:38 am
If I was the principal I'd tell you the same thing that I'm saying now. Your choices are to demand to your husband that he end the affair or go to a beit din (or put up with it, which I don't recommend). If the principal fires your rival, that won't get your husband back, she'll just have more time to spend with him. Even if she has to move somewhere else to get another job and that ends the affair, he'll just find someone else.
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mha3484
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 8:43 am
If I was the principal of a school I would find it extremely unprofessional for a staff member to be involved with a parent in that manner. I would think that its a disciplinary concern if not a cause for termination.
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kjb
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Wed, Mar 14 2018, 12:40 pm
Im not sure what sort of community you live in OP. In what social context is your husband finding the opportunity to go round holding hands with this woman?
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