Rebbe / Rov | Imamother

amother

Mon, Sep 10 2007, 4:51 am

For complicated reasons our family doesn't really have a rebbe right now. shita wise there are a few things we are looking for but what I really want is a Rov who really cares about his people and is available to them. For example, when I read the stories about Rabbanim such as Rabbi Friefeld zt"l or even Rov Dessler zt"l who treated their students like family members I actually feel real pain from jealousy that people have connections like that which they use for ruchnius and clarity. Recommendations anyone?

Also, how do you get close to a Rebbe in a way that differentiates you from someone who just comes for the occasional shaile/brocha? How do you express your seriousness that you really want to build a realtionship and receive guidance.

willow

Mon, Sep 10 2007, 5:10 am

Amother I am really impressed by your courage to realize you want and need a relationship with a Rav.

Life is so hard and to have direction that you trust and respect makes decision making and daily living so much easier. When you have Das Torah you will be more confident living.

On a practical note you wanted to know how to build a relationship.
Coming from someone who is a bit shyer and reserved I want you to know that it is not easy. You have to be the one to go to them. Rare is the case when they will come to you. But it is very worth it.
When you get scared and feel that "they won't understand, or what I have to say isn't so important, or its so embarrassing"... You must realize that they have heard so much. In addition thats what makes them great.
Both my husband and I have relationships with really big people. You would be shocked to know that sometimes (obviously not always) the Bigger Tzadikim they are usually the more "normal" they are. What I mean to say is that they understand you. Also you would not believe how they are available. If you really are serious and and you are willing to go to any lengths to find what you want you will be successful .
My husband actually just asked one of his (now Rebbeim) to learn with him every week!! The Rav is so incredibly busy but he rearranged his schedule a bit to fit my husband in. All you have to do it ask. Yes it is by no means easy its actually quite scary especially for someone like me. But I think to my self whats the option? To live without it? I have such a better quality of life with it.
I guess what I am trying to say that you will be the one making the effort. After all understand that they have thousands of people trying to get through to them.They are busy but are always happy and glad when we call. My fathers Rebbe never ever calls him (he has thousands of talmidim) but he is so happy and helpful when ever my father will call.
Thats just how it works.
If you want more info Pm me:)

shalhevet

Mon, Sep 10 2007, 5:20 am

I agree with willow.

It says 'asei l'cha rav' which seems to imply that you have to work on it.

It's like any relationship that the more you put into it, the more you'll get out, but here, as willow says, the work is one-sided (as far as building the relationship goes). If your husband goes to see the rav often about various guidance/ questions in halacha/ questions in limmud, the relationship will blossom. The rav/rebbe will know more and more about you and will be able to guide you better and better.

I would add that I think it's better not to try this with a 'big name' rav/rebbe because you will be one of thousands, but rather with a choshuve less know rav/rebbe - a rosh yeshiva, a rosh kolel or a neighbourhood rav, where you will be one of dozens or so and really can build up a relationship. I also think it's important that it's someone with a similar personality/ puts a similar emphasis on things so that a person will really respect them. There are rabbonim who are more gentle and emotional and others who are more fiery and 'shtark', for example.

willow

Mon, Sep 10 2007, 6:18 am

I forgot to add that yes it is really important that you find someone with whom you feel comfortable with. Because while a Rav or his wife will be willing to give you their time you may not feel "the click". And yes it doesn't matter if others feel that the Rav you choose is "big" or not it matters that you respect them and would feel comfortable approaching them.
Like shalhevet said make sure you "match".

Ruchel

Mon, Sep 10 2007, 3:19 pm

Quote:

treated their students like family members I actually feel real pain from jealousy that people have connections like that which they use for ruchnius and clarity.

Quote:

I also think it's important that it's someone with a similar personality/ puts a similar emphasis on things so that a person will really respect them.

Quote:

it is really important that you find someone with whom you feel comfortable with. Because while a Rav or his wife will be willing to give you their time you may not feel "the click". And yes it doesn't matter if others feel that the Rav you choose is "big" or not it matters that you respect them and would feel comfortable approaching them.

I agree with all this.

Coming from a house where the rav was to ask a shaila and exchange rosh hashana cards LOL

I can to appreciate that dh was close with some rabbis.