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Forum -> Parenting our children

Shul

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amother

Green

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:00 pm

I’m struggling a lot with the concept of going to shul while being a parent to a little kid. I’ll admit it, before I was married/had kids I did a bit of judging when it came to women with kids who didn’t go to shul. But now I totally get it!!! Nap times almost always conflict with shul times, and even when they’d don’t... let’s just say my kid is not a quiet little angel who will sit on my lap and not make a peep.

There is no childcare in my shul for kids under the age of 3. There is an early minyan that my husband can go to and then we can trade, but part of what I like I’m shul is being able to daven WITH my husband. (Ok obviously it’s not really with, but I just like knowing he’s there and being able to see him).

This is especially troublesome to me as the chagim approach. How do people manage to come to shul? Or do they just not?? Please help I’m getting very frustrated!!!!

Rant over.

tichellady

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:03 pm

If there is not childcare then it’s very hard and the shul is not supporting you in trying to be there.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:06 pm

At my shul people bring their nannies. Or leave children home with same.

amother

Plum

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:08 pm

In my community, most young moms don't go to shul regularly. For Rosh Hshana and Yom Kippur they may take a babysitter or trade times with each other.

pesek zman

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:10 pm

This is a specific time in your life. Having young children isn't a forever stage: there will be a time when your kids are old enough to come to shul. This doesn't sound like it is it. I read a quote that resonated with me: Kids don't get IN the way, they ARE the way

Oh and for RH my husband tries to go to hashkamah minyan, so I can catch a late minyan. YK I stay home and if can, I get a babysitter for neilah

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:12 pm

Since when do women have to go to shul?? Especially a mom with young kids, she belongs at home not in shul.

pesek zman

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

Since when do women have to go to shul?? Especially a mom with young kids, she belongs at home not in shul.

She knows women don't HAVE to go. Read her post. It sounds like she enjoys shul and WANTS to go. Women 'belong' wherever they want to be: this religion is open to both men and women. In Your community women may stay home, in hers women may go to shul.

Ruchel

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 4:42 pm

I'd detach from a place pressuring me to go to shul or pay a sitter

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 4:43 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I'd detach from a place pressuring me to go to shul or pay a sitter

She wants to go.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 4:50 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I'd detach from a place pressuring me to go to shul or pay a sitter

Rahel read the OP carefully. She is not being forced, she wants to go.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 4:51 pm

OP, if there is no child care, why not try to start something? It might help a lot more families than you think.

mha3484

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 5:35 pm

My husband I go to different shuls for this reason. I go to one that is child friendly. He goes to one that is not.

amother

Green

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 6:02 pm

Just to clarify: I am not at all being forced to go, but I do feel bad that I haven’t gone in so log and would like to be able to again!

I like the suggestion to try to start something. I’m just not siren I have the time or energy, or that’s our shul has the resources. But totally worth a try. And thanks for the people reminding me it’s just a stage. I know that, and it helps to remember, but by the time my eventual youngest is old enough... it could be a long time!

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 6:24 pm

Havnt been to shul since 1st born 12 yrs ago- except magilla.(dh blows for me) I'm proud to be home providing a calm environment for my children and preparing for dhs arrival. To me it's the greatest form of avodah.

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