child with no friends

e1234

Tue, Sep 25 2007, 7:39 am

my son (almost 7) complains he has no friends..
now when I invite people over I see that he plays like a baby -- or rather in the middle of playing he'll suddenly act crazy -- doing stupid things that forsure pushes away kids from being his friend...
How can I teach him how to be a friend???
any suggestions?

Clarissa

Tue, Sep 25 2007, 8:23 am

First of all, I know this kind of thing can make a parent feel awful, but I just want to reassure you that it's so common. I hear it from so many people, with children of various ages. Kids can take their time to hit their stride socially. Also, at that age, there's a real behavioral range. Some kids can seem so mature and some do behave in a very childish way. Also, some behavior that we may deem infantile is just a kid being silly.

The weird thing is that kids who are bullies often are surrounded by friends, which makes me think that being confident can matter more to other children than actually being kind. Hopefully the kids who are attracted to the bullies eventually realize what qualities are really to be valued, and kids who are nice but just socially awkward are appreciated for who they are inside.

At any rate, your son complaining that he doesn't have friends gives you an opportunity to explain that his behavior on playdates, and possibly other situations, may be causing some of the problem. Talk to him after you observe a situation where he's behaving in a very immature way. You can say something like, "Today, when Sammy was over, I saw you get kind of wild and silly when you guys were playing that game. I think that Sammy might not have liked it so much. What do you think?" Start a dialogue, if you think his behavior is really the problem.

Some kids are just "different," and can go through phases where other kids don't get or appreciate them. This passes, and at some point, some nice kid will appreciate how special your kid is. In the meantime, do anything you can to offer advice, since he's obviously aware and hurting about the situation.

southernbubby

Tue, Sep 25 2007, 9:10 am

There was a book sold at a Detroit bookstore with self-help books called Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In. That was years ago when I bought and read it and then gave it away. The book outlined ways to analyze the child's social behavior and role-play better social behavior. It talked about teaching the child what distance to stand from another person, how loud to speak, etc.
I am sure if you google search or go to the library, you will find such a book. Babyish behavior (and extreme anger) is the is the worst thing for children socially. Kids go to great lengths to distance themselves from anything babyish.

Last edited by southernbubby on Tue, Sep 25 2007, 9:48 am; edited 1 time in total

greenfire

Tue, Sep 25 2007, 9:23 am

my son didn't really have friends when he was younger ... he was a different sort of fella ... it started mostly because the boys were too vilde would take his toys pocket them and couldn't sit still to even play ... when he got older he learned what type of guys he liked and what type he didn't ... he tends to stick with the computer type book smart guys ... not the basketball playing type ...

so may I suggest finding friends that have mutual abilities in the way they play - and also teach him how to behave so his friends will want to come back and play another time ... call him out on his behaviors - keeping in mind again that there are different types of boys out there ... good luck!!!