Rabbi names nanny who abused him as a child

amother

Papaya

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 6:07 pm

amother wrote:

Are you suggesting that there is a hidden problem of nanny abuse in the frum community?

Actually, I heard a professional locally say publicly that there is. I live in the 5 Towns.

He said household help abusing young boys/teens (his main clientele) is a very real problem.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:06 pm

Raisin wrote:

This is really brave of him to come forward. My takeaway is not that you shouldn't leave kids with nannies or hire non Jewish nannies. Unfortunately, Jewish, frum people do these things too. Rebbies in yeshivos, camp counselors, uncles, cousins, female principals of frum schools, therapists...these are just a few off the top of my head who have abused children.

I have a few thoughts:

1) He was able to survive this experience and move as well as he has because his abuser was not a frum person in authority. When a kid is abused by a rebbie, for example, his whole world shatters. The person who is teaching him torah and how to be a good Jew is doing this. This can obviously have a terrible effect on yiras shamayim.

2) Because the abuser was not frum he has not had to go through the additional trauma of being harassed and abused and disbelieved by members of the frum community, or watch while his abuser is given support and tzedaka.

As I mentioned once before, a frum therapist friend told me of horror stories resulting from allowing non Jewish nannies to be with the kids...not just abuse.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

You lived a really charmed life if you think that its always a choice.

It absolutely is a choice whether to hire a Jewish or non Jewish person to care for your children.

amother

↑ Seagreen

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:09 pm

Cheiny wrote:

It absolutely is a choice whether to hire a Jewish or non Jewish person to care for your children.

Are you suggesting that no Jew ever committed abuse?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:09 pm

amother wrote:

My toddler became dehydrated due to neglect by her frum babysitter. Does this mean that one should never hire a frum babysitter?

Any particular reason you’re posting anonymously, against the rules?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:11 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Cheiny, many just dont have a choice. We dont live hundreds of years ago when women minded the home and children and men went out in search of food. Times are more difficult and sometimes, most times, families need BOTH husband and wife to work in order to put food on the table, get braces, shop for clothing, in america pay for school. Its not so pashut as you seem to think.

I never said it is. But this should make people more aware and less trusting of whom they allow to care for their precious children. One non Jewish caretaker actually bought the child pizza from a treife place. You can not trust a non Jew to care for kids unsupervised for many different reasons,

Last edited by Cheiny on Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Are you suggesting that no Jew ever committed abuse?

Are you putting words in my mouth? But you have a much lower danger of a frum nanny feeding your kids treif than a non Jewish one.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:16 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Are you putting words in my mouth? But you have a much lower danger of a frum nanny feeding your kids treif than a non Jewish one.

you also have a much higher chance that your child will be taken care of well, then being abused or fed treif pizza, period.

amother

Beige

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:19 pm

amother wrote:

Actually, I heard a professional locally say publicly that there is. I live in the 5 Towns.

He said household help abusing young boys/teens (his main clientele) is a very real problem.

In general, I thought it was pretty uncommon for a female to be a zxual abuser. Surprised to hear that this type of abuse is common anywhere

↑ Cheiny

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:22 pm

amother wrote:

you also have a much higher chance that your child will be taken care of well, then being abused or fed treif pizza, period.

True but some people here will find that very undiplomatic and even racist to say....frum Jews are a better idea than non jews to take care of your kids?! What a horrible thing to say! Oy.

amother

↑ Teal

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:23 pm

Cheiny wrote:

True but some people here will find that very undiplomatic and even racist to say....frum Jews are a better idea than non jews to take care of your kids?! What a horrible thing to say! Oy.

You misunderstood me. I didn't say anything about the caregiver's religion.

LittleMissMama

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:40 pm

In defense of the original poster, perhaps she is young. When I was young, I was always right. Then I lived a couple more decades and learned about the real world, learned about the world beyond my front door and my misconceptions and realized I knew nothing.

I'm was very touched by this article. I'm happy there is more open dialogue in the frum community about this kind of abuse. If we value our children, this kind of open discussion is a necessity.

Ema of 5 ↓

Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:51 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Are you putting words in my mouth? But you have a much lower danger of a frum nanny feeding your kids treif than a non Jewish one.

Are you equating being fed non kosher food with being zexually, physically, or otherwise abused?

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 1:44 am

Cheiny wrote:

Any particular reason you’re posting anonymously, against the rules?

How is this against the rules. She posted something revealing. It seems to me, Ma’am, you are engaging in bullying with this post.

↑ Raisin

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 6:12 am

You might want to choose a frum nanny for the same reason people choose a frum school: You want them to be educated by a frum person. (brochos, jewish music/videos/books, etc) And of course kosher is not an issue.

But it doesn't lessen the risk of any type of abuse to choose a frum nanny.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:18 am

amother wrote:

I feel like posts like this point fingers at the parents as if it is chas veshalom their fault. Beyond normal vigilance, we have to just pray. No one can guarantee that nothing will happen to their children chas veshalom.

It can certainly 'happen' to anyone. But for something that took place around 100 times over the course of 18 years...? Sorry but I beg to differ. There is some parental supervision or involvement that is severely lacking in such a situation.

↑ Ema of 5

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:22 am

amother wrote:

So when a child god forbid is molested repeatedly by a sibling or parent during the night, is supervision lacking there as well? You have no idea how involved or uninvolved the mom was, how can you POSSIBLY blame her?!?! And you don’t think she is blaming herself as well???? A little sympathy goes a long way....

amother

↑ Scarlet ↓

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:28 am

amother wrote:

You are obviously ignorant about the manipulative nature of abusers in terms of grooming both parent and child to trust, as well as the effects of abuse on a child which causes him to hide the abuse as much as possible because of fear, shame and guilt. Please stop assigning blame and causing more harm to those abused and their family members.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:39 am

amother wrote:

Actually it is specifically because I am aware of the manipulation of abusers, that I feel that as parents we need to notice the subtleties in such situations.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Sun, Feb 10 2019, 3:35 am

amother wrote:

If you truly believe what you are saying, then you live very far underneath a rock. Your statement is so far from the truth its actually scary that someone thinkis this way.