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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:44 am
Do you flirt and has anyone ever flirted with you?
I am not one at all!! As far as I can tell no one has ever flirted with me, but also I can't see anyone doing so either.
Do you feel if someone flirted with you it would be considered se*ual abuse? Not abuse, but I can't think of the right word and besides I don't think it would be.
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amother
Orange
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:51 am
I am constitutionally incapable of flirting. I wish I could be light hearted and seductive at times... For dh of course.
Oh well.
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zaq
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Sun, May 19 2019, 11:06 am
Flirting isn’t abuse but it can be harassment if the flirtee objects to it, it’s repeated and pervasive or creates an uncomfortable or hostile environment. Is someone flirting with you on the job? Does it bother you? Have you told him or her to stop? Have you reported this objectionable behavior to your superiors? If the person IS your superior, the offense is more serious than if s/he is your peer or subordinate.
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:09 pm
I have a very flirty personality. That’s how interact with everyone. I hope no one accuses me of s-xual harassment. But maybe I think of flirting differently then other people. For me it’s not really a s-xual thing. I talk like that to women too. The problem is, sometimes when I’m talking to men they think I’m actually flirting with them and then I can get uncomfortable because I didn’t mean it that way at all.
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Ravenclaw
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:16 pm
Comparing flirting to abuse undermines abuse.
That being said, zaq made a good point about harassment. But I would like to make another point. Many times what is considered flirting, small talk or harassment depends on cultural norms. I have seen this play out again and again. For example, I have heard many sheltered ladies say that the taxi drivers are flirting with them. But when I asked what did they say, it was more “so you live around here? Gorgeous weather huh? etc” I.e. small talk
And then if you look around the internet you see people asking on quora and other forums “why are Jews snubbing me and won’t talk to me?”
It all comes back to what is normal and accepted in a culture.
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amother
Chocolate
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:26 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote: | I am constitutionally incapable of flirting. I wish I could be light hearted and seductive at times... For dh of course.
Oh well. |
I’m a BT and I am so relieved I don’t have to do the “flirting” thing anymore. When not Niddah, my DH is mine, he’s a sure thing.
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momsrus
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:38 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | I have a very flirty personality. That’s how interact with everyone. I hope no one accuses me of s-xual harassment. But maybe I think of flirting differently then other people. For me it’s not really a s-xual thing. I talk like that to women too. The problem is, sometimes when I’m talking to men they think I’m actually flirting with them and then I can get uncomfortable because I didn’t mean it that way at all. |
That means you need to be more careful the way you talk to men
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amother
Chocolate
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:39 pm
momsrus wrote: | That means you need to be more careful the way you talk to men |
And women. I don’t need or want women flirting with me.
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:47 pm
momsrus wrote: | That means you need to be more careful the way you talk to men |
Or maybe men need to not have their heads so full of themselves. I’m not changing my personality. I smile a lot and I’m very friendly.
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Learning
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Sun, May 19 2019, 12:50 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | Or maybe men need to not have their heads so full of themselves. I’m not changing my personality. I smile a lot and I’m very friendly. |
Do you want to a a pretty women much younger than you when you get older smiling and flirting with your husband just because it’s her “personality”?
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momsrus
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Sun, May 19 2019, 1:06 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | Or maybe men need to not have their heads so full of themselves. I’m not changing my personality. I smile a lot and I’m very friendly. |
Don’t change your personality. Just your behavior.
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, May 19 2019, 1:15 pm
Learning wrote: | Do you want to a a pretty women much younger than you when you get older smiling and flirting with your husband just because it’s her “personality”? |
Sure. I love smiling, friendly people. Male and female.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, May 19 2019, 1:42 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | Sure. I love smiling, friendly people. Male and female. | You love when women are friendly with your husband? Cool! I wish I had your confidence!
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Boca00
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Sun, May 19 2019, 1:43 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | For me it’s not really a s-xual thing. I talk like that to women too. The problem is, sometimes when I’m talking to men they think I’m actually flirting with them and then I can get uncomfortable because I didn’t mean it that way at all. |
I'm not sure how you are interpreting "flirty", but I feel that friendly and flirty are totally different. Guys dont always get the difference though.
I have a friendly personality too, and I don't flirt (or get into long conversations) with random men. I've had guys try to flirt with me a few times (not in a "hows the weather" type of way), and yes, I think some guys just misinterpret normal polite interactions as "hey, let's be friends".
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, May 19 2019, 2:08 pm
Learning wrote: | Do you want to a a pretty women much younger than you when you get older smiling and flirting with your husband just because it’s her “personality”? |
FTR, it’s a myth that men have affairs just with young and pretty women. If you look at some of the women whom famous men have had affairs with, many of them are pretty ordinary and nowhere nearly as young or attractive as those men’s wives.
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, May 19 2019, 2:10 pm
Boca00 wrote: | I'm not sure how you are interpreting "flirty", but I feel that friendly and flirty are totally different. Guys dont always get the difference though.
I have a friendly personality too, and I don't flirt (or get into long conversations) with random men. I've had guys try to flirt with me a few times (not in a "hows the weather" type of way), and yes, I think some guys just misinterpret normal polite interactions as "hey, let's be friends". |
I said in my first post that I’m definitely not flirty in that way. Just that I have that very friendly and open personality.
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cm
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Sun, May 19 2019, 3:09 pm
To the best of my knowledge, I have never seen married adults flirting. I occasionally saw unmarried adults flirt with each other when I was much younger and knew more unmarried people. Being friendly is not the same as flirtatious.
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amother
Red
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Sun, May 19 2019, 3:22 pm
A non Jewish male colleague was constantly flirting with me. It was horrible. He was the guard at the Jewish place I worked at. It got to the point I considered leaving my job after I repeatedly asked him to stop and he just wouldn’t. Eventually I gave it to him ‘over the head’ and he got the message and stopped. It included text messages aswell. I would call it harassment - it’s horrid.
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sequoia
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Sun, May 19 2019, 3:31 pm
I definitely flirt and so do my friends. It’s just a way of having fun. FTR, deep meaningful conversations are much more likely to cause affairs than a bit of banter.
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amother
White
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Sun, May 19 2019, 3:49 pm
sequoia wrote: | I definitely flirt and so do my friends. It’s just a way of having fun. FTR, deep meaningful conversations are much more likely to cause affairs than a bit of banter. |
True
A bit of banter can ruin a marriage though.
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