Flirting both ways?

amother

Copper

Sun, May 19 2019, 4:24 pm

Staring is considered flirting. Anything longer than 4 seconds. Unfortunately I have ADHD. I am a functional adult but constantly daydreaming. I don't even realize that I might be accidentally flirting until I notice men staring back at me. Banging head

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 19 2019, 4:33 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Lol. Staring is just rude.

naturalmom5

Sun, May 19 2019, 4:40 pm

Learning wrote:

Do you want to a a pretty women much younger than you when you get older smiling and flirting with your husband just because it’s her “personality”?

insecure much ????

Librarian

Sun, May 19 2019, 9:52 pm

I never flirt - stay away from men in general. But I have had gentile or not yet frum men flirt with me, try to pick me up etc. I will admit I am flattered and get a kick out of it. I especially enjoy reporting it to my husband he thinks it's funny especially because I am quite tzanuah and a grandmother!

Learning

Sun, May 19 2019, 10:09 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

insecure much ????

Are you serious. If you are fat and insecure do you want a pretty “secure “ woman to flirt with your husband. He can fantasize about her and not interested in me. The fat woman just as an an example. And what happened If he dreams and fantasize about you and make an avaira (you know what I mean). There is s story in the Gemara that one woman (idk if it was bruria’s sister) that was walking and she heard people saying :look how nice she is walking. She tried to walk nicer and she got a punishment from hashem that she was put in a harlot house. Just saying. You are playing with fire. Man can do an avaira because of you. Besides of you ruing marriages. . Try to be less cute if you feel that the guy is into you.

sequoia

Sun, May 19 2019, 10:31 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Naturalmom is in her fifties and I’m pretty sure isn’t flirting with anyone Smile

Learning

Sun, May 19 2019, 10:55 pm

sequoia wrote:

Naturalmom is in her fifties and I’m pretty sure isn’t flirting with anyone Smile

So she shouldn’t encourage other women to flirt. And I know 50 year olds that are very pretty and attractive

Israeli_C

Sun, May 19 2019, 11:34 pm

I'm in the same boat as mommy3b2c, although it's not so much flirting rather wanting to make people laugh. I think it has a lot to do with growing up in Ireland where having a good sense of humour is highly prized. I always used to be the one to make everyone laugh in high school and often used it as a means of 'charming' men before I was religious. I would say I even feel uncomfortable NOT cracking jokes. DH finds my sense of humour thoroughly inappropriate 90% of the time (which is a pity...!), so I've started avoiding talking to men altogether and instead I host talks on my conversion process for women or shiurim in general in the Beit Chabad and use it as an outlet to make women laugh.

Learning

Sun, May 19 2019, 11:49 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

I agree. It is better to not really talk to men. Unless the situation is that completely there is no attraction

Israeli_C

Mon, May 20 2019, 12:09 am

Learning wrote:

I agree. It is better to not really talk to men. Unless the situation is that completely there is no attraction

It's amazing, even the men where I thought they no longer had it in them surprised me! Like REEEEALLY old men. The spark is still alive, and sometimes they've lost their verbal filter over the years lol. I have a neighbour who is very respectable (well put together, a retired doctor etc) and I would chat with him on occasion if we met in the building. One day I didn't lock the door to my apartment and I was hanging clothes on the line outside my bedroom window when I heard a noise. I came out to see what it was and found him standing in my hallway (I have a small Israeli apartment, but the hall is already quite far from the main door). He saw my shocked look and said that he "popped in to say hello" (!!) It was quite scary and bizarre, even by Israeli standards. After that day I made 3 new rules-
1) I ALWAYS lock the front door
2) I ALWAYS walk around the house fully dressed, including hair covering
3) NEVER to talk to any of the male neighbours beyond 'hello' or 'good morning'

naturalmom5

Mon, May 20 2019, 12:15 am

Learning wrote:

If you are going to quote things you heard in Seminary, at least quote it correctly.
Its a Gam' in Avoda Zara .

She heard one of the Romans say look how comely she walks . She started intentionally paying attention to how she was walking.

Rashi and other Rishonim say it was gaiva.

I don't know what your point here is.
If you have a reason to be insecure in your marriage say so, and address it with your spouse.
Don't hide behind religion ..

Learning

Mon, May 20 2019, 1:02 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

I said that I’m not sure exactly about the story. It wasn’t gaiva because she got punished according to her sin. Actually I’m very secure in my marriage. I just gave an example. Every men can be distracted when his wife is pregnant or just gave birth. If a woman is really trying to. It is obvious. Idk why are you arguing. Even a secular woman doesn’t like when a friend flirts with her husband.

giselle

Mon, May 20 2019, 7:46 am

When I was younger I did unintentionally. Now I try not to talk to men if I can avoid it. I feel like they’re all flirts. I know that not every man is, and I’m sure many of you will want to defend your husbands/brothers/fathers, but that’s been my experience with many different types.

ETA - Yes, there are levels of “flirting” that can definitely be harassment.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 20 2019, 8:04 am

giselle wrote:

But then it’s not flirting, it’s harrassment.

youngishbear

Mon, May 20 2019, 10:17 am

It's prudent for a frum woman to tone down her natural friendliness when dealing with men, because of their built-in s-xual overperception bias. It's not you; it's them, but it's wise to stay on the safe side.

Explanation starts at around 3:17