DD embarrassed of bra

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My 10 yr old dd is soooo nervous to go to day camp tomorrow. She is afraid to get undressed and dressed for swimming since she just started to wear a sports bra and most girls her age dont need to wear one yet. How can I make her feel better about this?

I find it bizarre that most replies centre on how best your DD can “hide” her growing body. I think that it would be best to make her feel comfortable about herself. I had a bra at that age and I found that when I was proud of my breasts and comfortable with my status as lone bra wearer, other girls started to think it was cool and look forward to when they would wear one. I think you should encourage your DD not to be embarrassed at her development. Why teach her that her bodily changes should be hidden from others. Also, there will likely be other girls who are also developed.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:20 am

If the DD is the ONLY one changing privately that will look weird too.
I think it's time to change the policy.
My sister was a DD when she was 11. Puberty is getting younger. She got her period at 10.5.

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:24 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Same. I used to be jealous of all the kids who had bras.
My mom wouldn't let me wear a two peice bathing suit so when I first got my training bra I used to walk around me bedroom proudly pretending I was wearing a bikini LOL

DrMom

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:28 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I don't think anyone wants OP's dd to be ashamed of her body, but changing in front of other girls who are not developed is awkward.

Even if the other girls are all developed it would be awkward. Would you like going to the mikvah if you all had to prep and dunk as a group?

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:35 am

DrMom wrote:

The mikvah scenario is different, but no, group preparation doesn’t sound like fun lol.

I feel that it is only awkward if you make it awkward. At that age, most girls are so self-absorbed that they might not even notice. There are others who may say “you wear a bra, cool, can’t wait until I wear one, what is it like?”

gingertop

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:40 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

This is not about having a bra but about getting undressed in front of other people, exacerbated by being more developed.

I would rather not go swimming than change in front of other people and I'm pretty body positive at this point in my life.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:51 am

Iymnok wrote:

Most 10yo girls do not need a bra at all. A year later most will have something. She just feels really different and some girls may tease her.

I was the only person in my year with a bra and while the girls initially did tease me, once they saw how confident I was about having breasts, they started to want to wear a bra themselves and look forward to it. These days at 10 with puberty coming earlier than in my day, it is likely that several of them wear bras already.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:53 am

gingertop wrote:

I prefer changing on my own but I wouldn’t care if other people are around while I change for swimming. Certainly not enough to miss out on the swimming.

amother

Jade

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 9:00 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Bully for you. The reality is girls that mature earlier and uncomfortable

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 9:22 am

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Bully for you. The reality is girls that mature earlier and uncomfortable

Maybe their discomfort stems from attitudes passed on from their parents. These days, so many girls mature earlier and seem more proud than embarrassed about it. My DDs were happy to wear crop tops before they developed fully and then bras without embarrassment.

amother

Natural

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 9:29 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

As a parent, you can do many things to encourage, educate, and help your children. But you can't actually make them feel anything. Op is not teaching her dd to be embarrassed about being the only one wearing a bra, she's working with the reality of her dd's existing feelings. Sweeping them under the rug or invalidating is much worse.

amother

Black

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 9:45 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Not everything is passed on from the parents. You can model all the self confidence and assurances in the world, but every child will gain their own wings at their own pace.

Despite healthy attitudes from parents, some children will pride themselves with being ahead of the game, and some will cringe with embarrassment for being different than everyone else.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 9:59 am

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

I understand that and of course OP must validate her DD’s current feelings. However, I do think it is appropriate to discuss how it is a natural part of being a woman and how all her classmates will soon be in the same boat.

amother

Natural

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 10:05 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Sure. But that's not something she's going to come on imamother for. She came here to ask if there are any practical tips she can give her dd.

I know a boy who refused to go swimming in camp because he was self conscious about other boys peeking into the stalls while he was changing. There was a lot of dialogue about his thoughts etc but bottom line he still needed advice on how he could change without anyone seeing him.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 10:06 am

This young lady WANTS privacy, so she is entitled to it. Any other camp rule that does not accommodate this needs to be modified so that the child feels comfortable. Otherwise it negates everything you have ever taught your child about safety, personal space, and the right to feel comfortable and not have anything to the contrary forced on you.

Agree with those who say OP needs to communicate with the camp staff (probably the director) so her DD can change in a bathroom.

Would wearing a bathing suit to daycamp, necessitating only one change, be a possibility? The spandex should hold her like a bra...and then she only needs to be accommodated with the bathrooms once, after swimming when she gets dressed.

amother

Oak

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 10:06 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

True. But privacy is still valued even if it is natural, and they will all be in the same boat

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 10:08 am

BTW Gap had very nice undershirt bras. I had ordered them for my DD, and they looked like nice quality. Didn't keep them because, well, everyone's different, and my DD preferred the sports bras.

momsrus

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 10:55 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Seriously? You think this is rocket science and that op didn’t explain this to her daughter?

Preteens that will be u comfortable will be u comfortable. You can explain it to them until you are blue in the face.

The reality is, op needs ideas of how her daughter should not feel different.

yksraya

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 11:06 am

It's not about "being ashamed". It's a natural instinct. The middah of tznius. Some girls just don't naturally have this middah but it looks like OP's DD does. Good for you OP!

For preschoolers it's ok to get dressed in same room as they still need the counselors help. Older girls should have their privacy. It's not about hiding in shame. It's all about protecting your privacy.