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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
OP
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 1:08 am
My 6yo DD has a bad/strange/unsightly habit that compromises her modesty (and cleanliness somewhat). She is extremely upset when I mention it- but I have SUCH. A. HARD. TIME. not saying anything. I tell her that if she needs to do it, she should go to the bathroom- to which she answers me: "so I should go to the bathroom every second???". You get my point- she's doing it ALL THE TIME.
I don't want her to lose friends over it, but commenting isn't helping.
I've suggested charts with stickers but the results are very short term...does anyone have any strategies that have worked in similar situations?
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amother
Cerulean
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 1:15 am
I can’t even imagine the habit but I know how hard it must be for you. My own child had a terrible habit of pulling hair out of their head and was half bald. It pained me to watch. When I commented, they just pulled more. We went to a dbt therapist whose doing a fantastic job Bh. The first thing the therapist did was get the child to see that THEY didn’t really want to do this behavior anymore. Once the kid realized you’re right I’m the one who wants to stop, then they could chart a path going forward. Until the kid owns the problem and wants to fix it, it’s basically impossible to stop.
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amother
Silver
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:29 am
You can try NAC supplement. It helps for hair pulling, nail biting and other behavior that is done repeatedly, without self-control.
N- Acetyl L- Cysteine (an amino acid that helps the brain regain self-control and regulate the anxiety that triggers the action.)
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 5:04 am
OP, your child is touching herself, is that right?
She may have a yeast infection or a bladder infection, and rubbing makes it feel better for a few minutes. Check for pinworms, too.
A 6 year old can use the bathroom or bedroom for self touching, without needing to do it every 5 minutes. There must be something irritating her, and she doesn't know how to describe it.
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Iymnok
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:06 am
What FF said. When we have pinworms I tell my kids to go to the bathroom if they need to touch then wash well with soap. If they need to touch themselves or adjust their underclothes to go to their room or bathroom. We just had pinworms, a rash and a yeast infection in various kids. This touching is in addition to regular curiosity or feel good touching. It’s okay, but not in front of others.
Ask if it hurts or itches. There may be a simple reason.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:36 am
FranticFrummie wrote: | OP, your child is touching herself, is that right?
She may have a yeast infection or a bladder infection, and rubbing makes it feel better for a few minutes. Check for pinworms, too.
A 6 year old can use the bathroom or bedroom for self touching, without needing to do it every 5 minutes. There must be something irritating her, and she doesn't know how to describe it. |
I know my description may sound like that, but no, she is not touching herself.
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myself
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 7:12 am
Is she adjusting her underwear? There must be an underlying reason for her behavior, perhaps if you share what it is, we can help you get to the root of the problem.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 7:48 am
If she's doing it all the time, it's not a habit. Either something is bothering her or it's a sensory issue. I would check further into it.
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shabbatiscoming
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 8:37 am
OP, why not tell us what it is that she is doing because without that specific information, we cant really help you.
I also thought it was her touching herself for pleasure, but if it isnt that, then what is she doing?
So many different answers for so many different things she may be doing.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:19 pm
I was hoping to get advice about how to help a child stop a bad habit- the details are not relevant- other than the fact that her habit drives me crazy!
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LittleMissMama
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:23 pm
Maybe the details are indeed relevant. It's so strange (and annoying) when someone is anonymous and still so incredibly vague.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I was hoping to get advice about how to help a child stop a bad habit- the details are not relevant- other than the fact that her habit drives me crazy! |
Step one is getting her to understand why the habit needs to go.
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sarahmalka
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:30 pm
Does it bother other people too or just you?
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solo
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 4:49 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote: | I can’t even imagine the habit but I know how hard it must be for you. My own child had a terrible habit of pulling hair out of their head and was half bald. It pained me to watch. When I commented, they just pulled more. We went to a dbt therapist whose doing a fantastic job Bh. The first thing the therapist did was get the child to see that THEY didn’t really want to do this behavior anymore. Once the kid realized you’re right I’m the one who wants to stop, then they could chart a path going forward. Until the kid owns the problem and wants to fix it, it’s basically impossible to stop. |
Dont wanna derail but would love to hear more. My 6 yr olds been pulling since she’s a baby. Therapy hasn’t helped
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amother
Yellow
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 5:51 pm
solo wrote: | Dont wanna derail but would love to hear more. My 6 yr olds been pulling since she’s a baby. Therapy hasn’t helped |
I’ve pulled my hair out since I was 4 years old. I’ve been in therapy for my general anxiety, but never placed much focus on my habit. I don’t really care about it, especially now that my hair is covered.
DO NOT harass your daughter and remind her to stop pulling. It will not work, and it will only hurt her more. I’m happy to read that you sent her to therapy - I hope that the therapist is teaching her ways to handle her anxiety other than pulling, and that the therapist told you not to harass her about stopping.
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amother
Babyblue
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | My 6yo DD has a bad/strange/unsightly habit that compromises her modesty (and cleanliness somewhat). She is extremely upset when I mention it- but I have SUCH. A. HARD. TIME. not saying anything. I tell her that if she needs to do it, she should go to the bathroom- to which she answers me: "so I should go to the bathroom every second???". You get my point- she's doing it ALL THE TIME.
I don't want her to lose friends over it, but commenting isn't helping.
I've suggested charts with stickers but the results are very short term...does anyone have any strategies that have worked in similar situations? |
It might be an uncontrollable habit or even OCD. how do u expect her to just stop it?
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amother
Babyblue
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I was hoping to get advice about how to help a child stop a bad habit- the details are not relevant- other than the fact that her habit drives me crazy! |
Not sure why u won’t share, you’re anonymous here
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lavenderchimes
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I was hoping to get advice about how to help a child stop a bad habit- the details are not relevant- other than the fact that her habit drives me crazy! |
The methods for helping a child to stop a bad habit have a lot to do with what the habit is, both in why she is doing it to begin with and what might help her stop. I'm sorry, but the details are quite relevant.
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singleagain
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:21 pm
Also... Is the habit, dangerous or damaging or just irritating?
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Emotional
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Mon, Sep 16 2019, 6:29 pm
singleagain wrote: | Also... Is the habit, dangerous or damaging or just irritating? |
Even if it's just socially off, it can be damaging in the long run.
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