Au Pair - Nanny - yichud

cdawnr

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 8:54 pm

Hi,

A friend of mine suggested that I look into having an aupair (since she knows I can't afford a regulr nanny). It sounds like a great idea, since my dh may be doing a lot travelling for work in the next year or two (which I am not so happy about anyway).

I know I obviously will need to consult our rav if we go with this idea, but I just wanted to get an idea if anyone has had a "live in" how that works as far as yichud.

thanks

anuta

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 9:44 am

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

Motek

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:15 pm

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

TammyTammy

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:17 pm

Motek wrote:

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

Obviously, in this case, the au pair is male... or so I would presume.

Tammy

cdawnr

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 8:53 pm

TammyTammy wrote:

Motek wrote:

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

Obviously, in this case, the au pair is male... or so I would presume.

Tammy

I was also confused...I have also never heard of a male au pair, although I am sure it is possible...

anuta

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 9:15 pm

There are male au pairs, but ours is female.

Ask your rav.

The presense of the man's mother (my mother-in-law who lives with us) matters.

Also, our au pair is not jewish, so the rules of yichud are different for jews and non-jews.

I am not qualified to answer those questions though; you should ask a rav.

cdawnr

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 7:42 am

Thanks Anuta, I plan on asking when I get to that point in the process...

But since you have an au pair, can you tell me alittle about the whole situation...as my friend explained it, an au pair is a foeigner whohas come to be a student and is paying you back room and board by taking care of kids...ok, that might be totally off,

technic

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 8:59 am

different countries have diferent rules...

in england, my understanding is that au pairs are (usually) foreigners who come to live in ur home, eat ur food, and get paid a certain amount of money - and in return they do a strictly-regulated (maybe abt 5 hrs a day?) amt of housework and/or childcare...there r categories like demi-pairs and au-pair-plus where u have the option of paying more and getting extra hrs....

anuta

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 9:19 pm

cdawnr,

no, au pair doesn't pay you, you pay her, but including her stipend, all the agency fees and her educational allowance, it is still much less than a live-in nanny.
We got our au pair from this agency www.aupairusa.org

She doesn't come to be a student; she does have to take 6 credits during her year with you, and it is a cultural exchange program, where she gets to live in the US and learn English better, for taking care of the kids. This program is set up by the government, so the rules are pretty well defined. The au pair though cannot work more than 45 hrs a week. Our au pair is from Brazil; we are very happy, she enjoys taking care of the kids and genuinly loves them.

cdawnr

Thu, Jul 05 2007, 9:24 am

thanks so much for the info.

We are moving to Canada in October, so I am going ot google au pair and Canda and see if I can find a program like that.

I can't afford a nanny, but since I will be working from home, and finding aftercare is tough, this sounds like a potential solution!

mumoo

Sun, Jul 08 2007, 2:28 am

TammyTammy wrote:

Motek wrote:

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

Obviously, in this case, the au pair is male... or so I would presume.

Tammy

why is that obvious? I assumed the mil and dd's age are mentioned because there is no yichud with shomrim. Some poskim say that a girl aged three is old enough to serve as a shomer. Rav Feinstein z'l says 7 years. Also, one shomer is enough during the day, but two are required at night.

eek225

Wed, Dec 12 2007, 7:36 pm

is there a way to find the equivalent of an au pair but, in a frum jewish girl?? I wouldnt feel comfortable with a non jewish babysitter, but id LOVE to find s/o with such a setup, give a girl in college or something (here for touro or maalot maybe??) a room downstairs, and in exchange she could be home when im not a few hrs a day???

Raisin

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 7:36 am

I would be uncomfortable asking a frum, or even not frum, Jewish girl to do housework, but if you just need her for babysitting, then try it. Maybe you could put an ad up in the frum colleges and see if you get a response.

Look at au pair websites to see what you should offer, and how many hours work you should expect.

Also, check out the yichud problem.

cdawnr

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 9:15 am

Raisin -- why can't a Jewish girl clean???
When Iwas in Israel this was how all the Sem girls (maybe the BT sem girls) made extra money?

Also eek didn't say she wanted someone specifically to clean but to be home so she could run errands....of ocurse she would probably ask that she help straighten up as well, but not necessarily be asking to do the grunge work cleaning.

anuta

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 10:54 am

There are jews in every country, so you can get a jewish au pair through a regular au pair agency.

My sister just got an au pair from Brazil in November who is Jewish.

shalhevet

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 10:56 am

TammyTammy wrote:

Motek wrote:

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

Obviously, in this case, the au pair is male... or so I would presume.

Tammy

What a coincidence, when you are too.

Raisin

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 11:13 am

Sure Jewish girls can clean, but I would feel uncomfortable asking. I have had 2 babysitters for my kids, who come and babysit for about 2 hours in the morning while I teach. I had to run out leaving the kitchen in a big mess from breakfast etc, and never did either of the 2 (both Jewish) clean up. Since they didn't offer, I didn't want to ask them. Both of them were also friends, so it was awkward.

But maybe other people feel differently. It also very much depends on the personality of the girl. Some people have no problem cleaning and tidying and do it anyway. SOme people you have to ask every thing.

Crayon210

Thu, Dec 13 2007, 11:20 am

shalhevet wrote:

TammyTammy wrote:

Motek wrote:

anuta wrote:

We have an au pair; but my MIL lives with us, and our daughter is above 3, so its not a problem.

can you please elaborate, specifically, what does your daughter's age and your MIL have to do with the au pair? Isn't the issue between the au pair and your husband?

Obviously, in this case, the au pair is male... or so I would presume.

Tammy

What a coincidence, when you are too.

Thanks for the laugh!

ss321

Fri, Dec 14 2007, 8:52 am

Raisin wrote: