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amother

Azure

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:25 am

When my daughter was 3, her favorite outfit consisted of a polka-dot dress, polka-dot leggings, polka-dot socks, and her rain boots (no polka-dots). Of course, different polka-dots on each piece! She looked like a clown. But the very first time she walked in wearing it, her teacher cracked up and said "DD, I see you chose your own outfit today!"

I'd assume most teachers know all about opinionated preschoolers.

(Anon because everyone who knew us then must have seen that outfit multiple times!)

perquacky

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:42 am

There's no harm in sending an actual letter or email to the preschool teacher, if you're really concerned that she's judging you. I'll bet she won't be surprised to hear how stubborn your daughter is. If she's like that at home, she's probably exhibiting the same behavior in school.

amother

Orange

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:53 am

My daughter went to school severely clashing. But she proudly picked her own clothing and dressed herself, so I won't complain.
I just hope her morah doesn't think I don't know how to match! Smile

amother

Ruby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:47 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Mine went out like that minus the boots, but they were dressed by dh! He got so much flack from some family members (not me) that he will not dress any child without calling me to confirm his outfit choice.
When my kids choose odd outfit choices I write a mitzvah note that they dressed themselves.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 12:18 pm

When I was a preschool teacher, one mom told me that she hopes I don't judge her because her daughter insists on making her hair herself each day. She was a totally adorable kid more so than the perfect models who were "look at me but don't touch me" types.
She told me, her friends are telling her that she is not a normal mom because she doesn't dress up her girls & take them to all parties around town, to show off, each Sunday. Instead she sits with them home, and makes crafts with them.
I told her I definitely see that your daughter is the most artistic girl in the class! You are actually a great mom!

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 12:29 pm

As a preschool teacher (2's & 3's), you will never get any judgement from me. I work with 13 of them. I know how they are. I know that some days, it's a miracle you even get them out of the house. Some days, it's a miracle they have their coats on, ready for you to pick them up, lol!

Do send appropriate clothes with the child, and we'll try to get them sorted. Teamwork!

Beingreal

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:27 pm

My 3 year oldwants to wear pjs every day and sge only lets her teacher get her dressed....

amother

Red

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:38 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Playgroup morah responding: of course we know, no preschool morah will be shocked at how a kid comes in dressed!! We don't care if he's wearing crocks, boots or shabbos shoes!
We do care if they got a bath when they needed one, if clothes are clean and child looks well taken care of!!! Smile

That’s what I was afraid of. You see, after shimmy was all dressed and ready to go he sneaked a chocolate out of the cabinet, he worked so hard with hiding it, that it got all over his shirt, that’s when the bus came.
Last week yknow the day shimmy came with markers on his hands? It was done after his bath. We tried scrubbing as much as possible, sorry.

amother

Puce

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:43 pm

I have called Pampers to ask them if there's any way they can sell me boxes with only Elmo on them! They said it wasn't the first time they got such a call but they couldn't do it because of some deal with sesame Street lol. So once the Elmo diapers ran out, it was fun with each box

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:57 pm

flowerpower wrote:

You see my child come to school with shabbos shoes/ socks on a random Tuesday. You probably think that either her dad dressed her or her mom can’t find her little booties. Well...have you ever tried fighting with a toddler?? We don’t win! Speaking of booties...I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself that she can probably use a new pair by now. Here is an fyi- she has adorable little Uggs that she refuses to wear! It still has the tag on as proof. I know she came with a thin jacket today. Yes, as per siri it’s in the mid twenties. The thing is that it’s her favorite jacket because it’s pink. Her smart mama did try to hide it last night. But the smart little devil did find it this morning before we left the house. I have lots more to say but I have to run off to wash her sweatshirt with the gold star on it. I know she wore it already this week. But she will insist on wearing it again tomorrow. Thanks for understanding!

A mom of a strong willed toddler

I dont get this. Your basically trying to have your preschool teacher understand why your kid looks the way she does- by writing a letter online and hope she understands? why dont you just tell the teacher yourself? In real life? No teachers cant read minds. If they see something that looks like neglect- they will assume neglect, unless told otherwise. why is it so hard to just tell the teacher?
I had a preschool boy that had long unkept hair, choppy in different parts. and he was already post upsherin- his hair looked atrocious! Not that it makes any difference in how I care for him but he did look awful. The mother explained to me that he is petrified of the hair cutting machine and of scissors and the only time she can cut his hair is when hes sleeping and after the first 5 snips he always woke up. as soon as she explained it I was like oh ok. no problem.

and just btw some things are not really up for discussion. a thin coat in 20 degree weather wont work if the kids go outside to play or for a walk.

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:59 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

Dear preschool Morah. I know you know I am sick, but you don't know how my house is/isn't running. My husband does EVERYTHING! DD clothes are clean, always. He does the laundry . But her non matching tights, or coming in crocs instead of shoes, of her not so cutely done hair (yes its brushed after the bath every night) is because she doesnt have a mommy that can wake up with her. Her totty is mommy and totty now. He does a super job. But I cant drive him crazy about every detail. He is juggling it all, work (had to cut down on that) shopping. Childcare, laundry, carpool.
So my kids are happy and loved because totty fills in so much. I spend time with them from my bed or couch.
But no, sometimes they dont look put together.
This has been going on for months.Hopefully in a few weeks I will feel stronger and better. Then I will make dd cute braids, make sure her tights aren't too big and shleppy on her.
For now. Thank you for giving her a great time and all the love in your amazing preschool classroom. She really loves going. Dh even learned to write her mitzvah notes.

again- TELL your Morah in real life! She can be so much more sympathetic and understanding- maybe brush her hair for her, give her extra hugs if she knows that your husband is juggling it all. and if your daughter is happy - tell her! when Morahs are told the kids are happy it gives them a boost to be even better Morahs.

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:00 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

yes agree!

amother

Blonde

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:03 pm

I had one who went to day camp right before his third birthday with a button down white shirt, long pants, alligator boots and his long hair down. Thank goodness his morah was my friend.
Another one had a shirt that he loved. I washed it every night but the teacher called me saying it was off-putting to the assistant. I guess they thought it was the same, unwashed shirt! Same kid went to playgroup with a long sleeve onesie type shirt but no pants. At least the diaper area was covered, but I did get comments.
After all that, I NEVER judge a parent by what their kids wear!

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:16 pm

Id love to start a Dear Preschool MOM thread.
dear preschool mom.
Why dont you ever send in the items we requested to be sent? We rely on those supplies and you dont pull your weight.
why do you never sign the forms? We need those forms, they arent just a formality.
why is your kid the only one not wearing Shabbos clothes on special days? Or not wearing a costume by the costume party? Your kid always feels awful about themselves.
Why do you always come for carpool late consistently every single day? and your child has to be left in the office waiting to be picked up wondering when his mother is coming?
why is it that we call the performance for 2:00 and every single mother is there by 2:10. and we start at 2:15, because we cant wait any longer and you stroll in at 2:30? Your child spent a half hour feeling devastated.
Why do you always forget to send in shabbos party when your kid is chosen to be shabbos Aba or Ima?

I could go on and on but I'll stop here. AND NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT FORGETTING ONCE OR TWICE. all parents forget things and we make allowances for that. I am talking about the mothers who consistently forget. or the one mother who is an example of every single item on the above list.

At the end of the day, I can keep an extra costume or white shirt in school for your child to use. I can forgive the missing supplies, or hold your child tight on my lap and tell him I can be his pretend Mommy until his mommy comes, while you are late but at the end of the day this is YOUR child. He will leave my class, and move on to the next class. He will notice all these things more and more as he gets older. He will grow up feeling like he wasn't so important to you.

hodeez

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:17 pm

Reading this thread has me saying BH my daughters agree with my clothing picks for them!

flowerpower

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:19 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

It’s more like a humorous vent from one mom to another. My dd gets a bath often, goes to school smelling fresh, and I have spoken to the teachers a few times over the phone. I really don’t think they think it’s neglect. I know that they don’t go outdoors in this weather to play so I’m not worried about that part.

BetsyTacy

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 4:33 pm

The funniest thing is the Elmo diapers. Maybe you have a friend whose kid doesn't care and you can exchange the less desirable muppets with her while you take all of her elmos!

amother

Tan

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 4:37 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Those moms are usually the ones who feel like they are in life over their head. They aren't just forgetting about preschool stuff, they burn the dinner, they forget the laundry, they need to go back to the grocery store 3 times before they can make Shabbos.

They are scatterbrained, ADHD, perpetually late, frazzled mothers. They love their kids dearly but can't possibly remember all the 10 million details you think should be first and foremost in their minds.

Their kids see the same behavior at home, when mommy is running around frantically looking for her purse. They know her, they know she loves them, and they know she is forgetful.

When you send a form, the mother needs to
1) notice the form
2) realize that it is a form, not a dvar torah or newsletter which can be pushed off till shabbos
3) read form
4) find a pen
5) sign form
6) find safe place for form so it makes it back to school
7) ensure that actually happens.
If any of the above steps gets dropped, you don't get your form.

Maybe recognize that these mothers are organizationally handicapped, not deliberately ignoring you? And provide them some accommodations?

Perhaps let all parents know that from now on, forms will be on fluorescent yellow paper? Have parents sign them in school during pickup? Text these specific mothers at night reminding them about the form?

Make a Google calendar they can sync to their phones with info like "Shabbos shirts needed tomorrow!" and "Form for zoo field trip due!"

Use the classic Sheva Brachos tip and tell these chronically late moms that the performance starts a half hour earlier than it does? Or tell those kids, "Mommy might be a little late, but Morah is videotaping the performance so she can see any part she misses"?

Ask these parents if they'd rather give you money instead of needing to remember supplies each time.

And thank Hashem that you don't have those challenges.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 4:39 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Please try to find it in your heart to feel compassion for those moms. I promise you, they aren't happy about dropping the ball all the time and letting so many things fall through the cracks. They beat themselves up over it, they desperately try to keep up, but sometimes they just can't do it. Thank Hashem that He gave you a brain that can function well enough to do all of the above. Because there are many moms who DON'T have those abilities. Maybe they're getting help (therapist, coach), maybe they don't even have the awareness and skills to reach out for help.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 5:23 pm

Let's get back on track here.

I really miss the preschool age. DD would not wear anything that didn't have ladybugs on it.

It could be raining, but the only rain boots she would wear had to be the ladybug ones. Same with the raincoat, the sweater, the umbrella, etc.

Tights, skirt, shirt, same. Ladybugs everywhere!

She insisted that her true name was "Ladybug Princess", and that was what you had to call her. This actually went on for quite a few years, until she moved on to something else.

I am totally outing myself here. If you recognize the ladybug girl, then you know exactly who I am. 🐞

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