Is it ok to lock a child in a room

Laiya

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

For all those who mention going into the room with him. I have a baby and toddler as well. It is simply impossible to bring them both into the room with him. I also can't leave them unattended. And, he is simply not going to sit in some quite corner just because I told him to. I can't lock myself, baby and toddler in a room and leave him free rein of my apartment because I think him having access to the kitchen is not safe. Standing and holding the door is a good option. I used to do this, but he spends the whole time struggling to open the door. That's why as a last resort I just locked out with a key. I think it could probably be done for 2, to 3 mins instead of five. Thing is, when he has had a chance to just sit down with not destractions for a minute or two he comes out and I can give him a hug and he's then fine. It really seems like the best option, but my problem is that I too have heard that halachikly is not allowed and I'm not sure why not. I would never have to do this for my other kids but for this kid it seems to be what he needs.

Why can't you leave the baby and toddler in another room for 2 or 3 minutes so you can focus on the 4 year old?

I really can't imagine what is halachically wrong with helping a child to calm down and then giving him a hug?

amother

Coral

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:25 am

No! No! No! A 4 year old doesn’t have the same brain capacity as an adult. He likely needs help calming himself down. You can go to a room with him and help him calm himself down. Empathize, tell him to take deep breaths and use his words to express his frustration. Locking a 4 year old in a room is NOT okay. To most 4 year olds, that interprets “my mommy doesn’t love me, care about me, and is treating me like an animal in a cage”. As a parent, you need to give a 4 year old tools to calm himself down because how is he supposed to know how to handle his emotions if he’s not taught?

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:26 am

Laiya wrote:

What may be halachically wrong is locking a child in a room.

For me, I need to give an out of control child more like 20 minutes, if not longer, to get them to calm down.

ETA: I have calmer children also, for whom helping them with words is enough. I also have some very high-intensity children who will NOT calm down quickly, even if you give them words, affection, support, empathy, hugs, and attention.

Laiya

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:29 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

What may be halachically wrong is locking a child in a room.

For me, I need to give an out of control child more like 20 minutes, if not longer, to get them to calm down.

I thought she was saying to stay in the room with him.