How do you feel when you leave someone outside?

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:07 am

I guess I see both sides of the story because my dh is kindhearted and loves to give, but isn't the greatest at clear communication. I can totally see my dh texting something like don't worry we'll take care of you, but he would be referring to the ride, whereas the kid is thinking yay I can rest up at their place. It would honestly not occur to my dh that his words were misleading. The man in your story is probably feeling great that he was able to help a kid out with a ride, and thought a 17 year old would be able to understand that his wife didn't want a stranger hanging out in her house all day. He probably sees the kid as a quasi-adult able to take care of himself, whereas you as mom see him as your vulnerable child and were worried about him.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:14 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

I don’t understand this. Who cares if there was absolutely no communication at all and the kid just showed up? A normal human being doesn’t leave someone outside for hours. Letting the boy in to relax is not “above and beyond.” It’s called behaving like a normal, decent human being. Like I said, my brain cannot even comprehend these responses making excuses for this guy and his wife.

amother

Blush

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:20 am

I can definitely see both sides.
Did the husband or wife know what time your son would be arriving? Was no specific time agreed upon? If the plans were never well thought out then I think your son needs to take responsibility for what happened. He's the one who needed clear plans.
If the plans were well thought out with the husband but he changed his mind about timing, I hold him responsible.
If he never cleared the timing and actions with his wife it is still his responsibility.
If it was all cleared with husband and wife and she knew he'd be arriving before they left on their day trip but changed her mind about leaving him home alone, then I hold her responsible. Somehow I doubt this is what happened though.
Last thing, if there was no clear agreement, I don't think leaving him outside until they return is a problem. No one needs to trust someone they do not know well. Or maybe they know him well enough to not be comfortable leaving him alone inside.
We wouldn't know.
It was nice of the friend to drive your son to his destination. I'm wondering how far it was.

avrahamama

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:23 am

Maybe she didn't find out until it was too late and they had no way of getting him a key. But I would have been worried and found a friend to pick him up and give him a place to be and refreshments until we returned. Or sent him to the supermarket with my acct number to get what he needs and sent him to our shul to relax until we got there.

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:34 am

DrMom wrote:

Maybe she didn't even know about it.

Maybe OP's son's friend agreed to this without even telling his wife, who was finally on her long-deserved vacation.

Maybe she had been complaining that she finally needed some quiet time after 5 months of corona-craziness.

I can certainly imagine such a scenario.

How come her husband committed without consulting his wife??
That’s the question.
Not fair of him to do that.
But leaving a guest on the steps... terrible.

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:41 am

Is it really unthinkable that different people have different comfort levels? I’m not comfortable with strangers unsupervised in my home, especially teenage boys when we have internet. I was a snoop when I was a kid and would babysit. I would go through people’s drawers in their bedrooms once their kids were asleep. It was horrible of me.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:44 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

You can't understand, because you are one of kindest, most caring and generous people on this board.

B'H, it's beyond understanding for us. I try to be DZLK, but I'm reeaaaalllyl stretching it here.

amother

Cerise

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:45 am

All op said is that the husband said we will take care of you meaning a ride. The husband never offered that the boy can stay in his house all day. This boys sounds more of a lost soul who else travels alone like that so probably the wife had a lot of reasons not to want him him alone all day in her house. Chessed begins at home I wouldn’t let such a kid in my house.

Texting we will take care of you does not give you access you someone’s home. If the boys wanted to spend the day alone in his Blair he should have been clear. It sounds to me like the husband said he will give a ride in the evening the husband obviously didn’t realize the boy needed a place to stay the whole day. The wife has to protect her home before she has to protest a stranger. And this boy obviously has communication issues. Of course he told his mother it’s fine it was his fault. He knew the man wasn’t available until the evening. Offering a ride does not mean offering your home and this boy should have been more responsible and found a place to hang out with all day. If he sat on their steps all day obviously the wife wouldn’t want such a kid in her home.

amother

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:47 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

This story took place in switserland in the mountains, where there is no kosher grocery or shul where he could have waited.
They knew when he was arriving, he was in contact with him the whole night by text.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 8:54 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Did I misunderstand?

To me it seemed the couple and 17 year old were in a vacation area - not home. And the 17 year old wanted a ride to a different destination, neighbor said he can take him at night. Wife didn’t feel like having a 17 year old teenager in a small vacation unit with just her and her husband.
I’m a really generous and giving person. But if I went on vacation with my husband I probably would be very reluctant to invite a 17 year old in. I finally went away to spend the time with him!! Though I probably would try to help the boy find someplace to hang out, if I understood the story correctly it’s hard to call her heartless.

It seems pretty heartless to me. If it was you how on earth would you be able to enjoy your vacation knowing that you left a boy outside stranded? You wouldn't even bring him food or water ?
Life isn't black and white...just because you "deserve" your vacation doesn't mean that's how it will go. Things happen. Life is fluid.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 9:01 am

OUCH, Cerise!

You do realize that the boy's mother is the OP, don't you?

It's not nice to assume the worst about the kid, when it's most likely just a communication issue. Maybe it was the friend who has the communication problems? Did you think of that?

Calling him a "lost soul" and "such a kid", implying that he's going to be a terrible house guest, is really uncalled for.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 9:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow. That’s awful. I’m so happy your son is okay and that he’s not bitter about it.

You’re right that it should never have happened, but if he survived this he can survive almost anything.

I think the only thing you can take away from this story is to not trust this family in the future.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 9:02 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

Wow. Just wow. Teenager's travel alone all the time. You never traveled as a teen? They also do not fully think their plans through. Or maybe they do but they are reliant on others. Maybe this boy asked his friend to take him on the next leg of his trip thinki g it would be as soon as he arrives and the man said I can only take you in the evening. So now he has a full day to kill and he knew that but what choice does he have exactly ? its not like he's in Brooklyn where he can walk down the street and find stuff to do. Somehow you label him a lonely teen you wouldn't want someone like that in your house ? I'm shocked.
The couple in this story sound atrocious. Where exactly do they think this boy is ?

number

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 9:04 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

Can you post who you are so we all know what you mean when you offer or agree to do a favor? Because you clearly live in a different planet than we do and we’re likely to misunderstand otherwise.

The five people who liked your post should please identify themselves as well.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 9:07 am

Not sure I understand this. DS's friend and his wife were in middle of a vacation when your son texted to say he needed a ride for the last leg of his journey? And the friend said, okay, I'll drive you there, but I have a priority to my wife and we have a full vacation day planned tomorrow so I can drive you in the evening?

And your DS arrived while they were out and had to wait for their return, at which point friend drove him to the destination? How long was the drive to the destination?