Teachers instilling fear in kids

nchr

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:11 pm

This sounds a little shocking for 2020 - maybe there is some exaggeration involved? We thought DS had a Rebbe who said all types of brimstone comments re davening but when we investigated it was coming from another student..

ExtraCredit

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DD was davening over the weekand I saw she was crying! She's 9 years old. I asked her why she's crying when she's davening, she said that her teacher said that Hashem only listens to our teffilos if we daven really with kavana and heart. She's scared Hashem won't listen to her davening so she crying that Hashem should listen. The teacher also told them that if they skip one word, the davening is nothing worth. She's so nervous about it that she cries. She said that if a girl peeks out of her siddur, she gets a stern talking too from the teacher & the girls are scared to move when they daven.
She's mentioned some other very strict and fear inflicting things that the teacher has said. Like if you don't dress tzenuis the malachim won't know you're Jewish and bad things will happen to you.... and other such type of things.
What would you do about this? How do I address this?

Seriously? I would be very uncomfortable if my daughter would have a teacher talk this way. Definitely talk to the principal. It wouldn’t help to talk to the teacher because she’s obviously convinced it’s all true and important to instill such fear in 3rd graders. Is she a first year teacher? Otherwise I’d be curious what the moms from last year’s students say...

amother

Seashell

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:17 pm

As someone who was told some crazy things in my school years, I can tell you it still affects me 30 years later. Although I speak to Hashem day and night, I can barely bring myself to pick up a siddur. I probably officially daven only on RH and YK. I hate teachers like this. What is wrong with people?!

ExtraCredit

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:21 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Right. If this is what the 9 year old repeats (only after her mom noticed her crying during davening) I don’t want to imagine what else this teacher says and the child doesn’t repeat. I would really be uncomfortable with such a teacher. The principal must stop the “fear mongering”.

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:41 pm

nchr wrote:

My other DD tends to exaggerate so I don't always believe everything she says. But this DD is very honest. And I also confirmed it with other mothers. I don't like to call the school with issue before I confirm it with other parents.

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:42 pm

little neshamala wrote:

OP this is insane. Not because the teacher is "too strict", but because the teacher is flat out wrong, and is peddling misinformation to impressionable young minds.
Even worse is that this misinformation has the ability to make them view their religion in a negative light ch"v and who know where that can lead...
You absolutely MUST correct what the teacher told your daughter. While normally I do not encourage contradicting teachers, in this case I view it as pikuach nefesh, and you absolutely must inform your daughter that this is wrong.
As a Rav for guidance if you need.
And tell the principal asap so you can save some other neshamos too.
HASHEM YERACHEM

Yes we did talk to DD about it and told her that the teacher isn't really correct about it.

nchr

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok. We asked other parents and found out it was a student spreading these things like for every letter you don't pronounce with kavana that an extra fire is burning in gehenim, etc. Since it was a student, the Rebbe handled it privately with his parents and then in the classroom.

Would you feel comfortable calling the teacher directly rather than going straight to the principal?

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:56 pm

nchr wrote:

I'd rather call the teacher directly. I need a respectful way to talk to her about it.

nchr

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 3:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'd rather call the teacher directly. I need a respectful way to talk to her about it.

Keep in mind I probably wouldn't call, but if I had the courage to do so, I would call and make it sound like my child is the problem rather than the teacher saying something like, "Chavy is having a difficult time with davening at home. I know at her age we still discuss it in school. She seems to feel like she will be punished for every wrongdoing or if she does x y z. Can you help me create a chart to work on her davening with simcha? Do you think it could be beneficial for the entire class?"