Encourage reading in a 4 yr old or steer to other activities

WitchKitty

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 5:24 pm

I was reading adult-level books at age 6. I was bored in reading class but I don't remember it being bad because I was complimented.
I would bring my own books to school and read them instead of the kids reader, or looked at the pictures and imagined stories about them. There was also one time that I tried counting my hairs. I remember all this.

When I moved to Israel and had to sit through English class, the teachers hated it (they knew my English was better than theirs) and that's when I started acting out in class.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 7:13 pm

I will dissent from the majority here. This has nothing at all to do with being bored in school. I see no causation from early reading causing that.

But I have 6 readers and one on the way. Reading way, way above grade level. And I purposely steered my 7th to other activities in Pre-K and not so much on decoding when she had the opportunity. Why? I'm still traumatized by my 5th who at 5 years old was reading Kids Speak and having nightmares of kidnapped kids. I have a library of books and my kids have access to things which may be on their reading level but are not on their emotional level. I really am not happy with my kids reading things they're not ready for and it's harder to control when they're 8 and reading about postpartum depression or car crashes or anorexia (all true exposure my kids had) but at least when they're 4 and 5 I can hope they'll be more age appropriate because as soon as my kids start reading, they go rapidly up levels. So if they don't need to read at 4 and it'll happen at 5 instead because they also like art work and I can fill up some of the otherwise "academic" time with that and dramatic play and gross motor development, etc I am happy to buy time because I really understand how hard it is for kids to be on a way higher level than their emotional development is.

I know I'm a minority here. But I've just seen too much to realize there's no reason to go ahead. I wouldn't take away reading learning opportunities (my husband and I both were reading by 4 due to older siblings learning, so I get it) but if I can provide other things that my child will easily opt to do happily in its stead, I'm a firm believer it's for the best for my children. Let me struggle with their reading choices at 5.5 instead 😂

Teomima

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:21 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

That seems like an odd reason to discourage reading. Why not just move the books, instead?

Dh and I are big readers. But we have all our books organized in different bookcases (one for judaica and Israel-related books, one for nonfiction, several for the rest of our literature but with more mature themes placed higher up on the shelves). My younger children have age appropriate books in their room, my oldest ones have the same in theirs. So yes I have a book on childhood depression and suicide, but I've made sure none of my kids can accidentally come across it and read it. Just like I've made sure none of my kids can accidentally come across a butcher's knife and hurt themselves, or accidentally open a fourth story window and fall out...it's just yet another aspect of being a responsible parent.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:44 pm

As I said, I don't discourage reading. My kids are avid bookworms! But at the Pre-K level, I do try to find other things to do because it's really very hard to find age appropriate books at their reading level when they start out so young. So if I can wait for them to be 5 instead of 4, I've gained time for their emotional worlds to open a little more (and it's still not enough).

I'm speaking from a lot of experience here. I also have people coming into my library where it's hard to match up... I'm just delaying the inevitable and believe me there are no ill effects from me offering me non-reading activities and not promoting learning to read. They pick it up anyway and are thrilled to read.

I can't just move my books... Where am I placing an entire library? Anyway, it could just be my kids but I don't think it is. Many parents struggle with finding the match between age and level. At 9, it's not a problem for a kid to read All for the Boss. At 5, it is definitely a problem to read Kids Speak. If it can happen at 6, it's better for the kid. I know it's an unpopular opinion but it's a perspective that I don't think many people have been privy to. And I don't think a kid who can naturally pick up reading will be any worse reading at 5 than 4.

I have a lot of kids. If a teenager is reading about a car accident and leaves it in her room and her 8 yo sister comes across it, that's not being an irresponsible parent. (Shrug)

Teomima

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:56 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I do agree with the bolded. The OP was asking about encouraging vs discouraging, and from your post it seemed you were leaning towards discouraging due to content access, which to me doesn't seem like a valid reason to discourage. But I understand that wasn't actually the point of your post. I certainly didn't mean to imply that your child leaving their book out makes you an irresponsible parent.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:04 am

A bit of a tangent from the original topic, but I think what's appropriate for kids at what age varies a lot by culture. I am originally from the former USSR and there it was very normal for children's books to have a lot of really dark, devastating, violent material. Some made me sad, but I still read them avidly and without (as far as I know) any trauma.

But I see with my own kids, who have been raised here in the US where books and movies aimed at children are typically much lighter emotionally (Bambi's mom and Mufasa notwithstanding), that even what I consider relatively mild content can make them scared or anxious. The first time I tried to read Rikki Tikki Tavi to my oldest, at age 4 or 5, she freaked out right at the beginning where the snake eats the baby bird who falls from the nest. Did not want to hear any more and of course I stopped immediately. But because characters being eaten or killed was totally normal in my childhood stories, it didn't even occur to me ahead of time that this could be an issue.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:07 am

Teomima wrote:

Right, OP presented the question as binary. And so everyone jumped on encouraging.
I don't think a parent should encourage a 4 yo. That doesn't mean discourage, though.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:13 am

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

That's an interesting observation.

It happens to be that my kids don't really watch movies and I guess their books they are exposed to in the youngest of years are pretty neutral/happy.

It also happens to be, though, that many times kids who are brighter have a very strong inner world compared to the average child. They think deeper about things and get more anxious, and gifted children also feel things more intensely.
And that's part of the reason I'm so hesitant to proactively encourage bright kids to read early.

(They have enough to worry about without reading about scary experiences... My then 4 yo daughter has a nightmare about what to do if there is a bad guy and they need to go in lockdown but there's a tornado at the same time and they need to go to the middle of the school building. Shouldn't have surprised me she had a nightmare at 5 about being kidnapped because of a kids speak story.mm but I was surprised because I hadn't realized she was reading them. Or comprehending them!)

amother

Taupe

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:30 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

It also happens to be, though, that many times kids who are brighter have a very strong inner world compared to the average child. They think deeper about things and get more anxious, and gifted children also feel things more intensely.

I was one of those kids way ahead academically, and also have known a lot of extremely gifted people over the course of my education. Your observation could be true statistically for all I know, but I have not personally observed a correlation between high intelligence and emotional sensitivity or anxiety, unless you count anxiety over competition and achievement. If anything, it seems the opposite to me. Very bright people can often be somewhat detached emotionally from experiences faced by others (such as story characters) because they think more abstractly. But it's all anecdotal experience on my part.

Thinking deeply, perhaps, is more common, but that is a different thing from anxiety.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:30 am

. My six year old is beautiful talented girl bh but academics is clearly not her strong point where academics clearly is a strength for my 4 year old. When they play games together such as memory it is usually my 4 year old that wins and my six year old is less than pleased. It looks like I have some years with lots of competition ahead!

I urge you to level the playing field by encouraging them to play with each other fewer games of intellectual competition and more games of chance, and by fostering your older dd's other talents. Competition is inevitable, but your older dd needs to be able to shine in a sphere of her own where her sister isn't a star.

OOTforlife

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:40 am

zaq wrote:

Decoding? Is that Millennial for phonics?

Sort of. Decoding means that a child is pronouncing the word based on the letters in the word and the child's preexisting knowledge of letter-sound relationships. As opposed to guessing the word based on the picture and context or based on a purely visual memory of the word as a whole.

But it has nothing to do with millennials. The word "decoding" has been used this way since at least the 1960's, if not much longer.

Last edited by OOTforlife on Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:41 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I really am not happy with my kids reading things they're not ready for and it's harder to control when they're 8 and reading about postpartum depression or car crashes or anorexia (all true exposure my kids had)

Golly. All I had access to was Austen, Twain, Dickens and the like. Austen at age 8 was either boring or incomprehensible--either way I didn't enjoy it, but I hung on till the bitter end. Twain was more to my taste, but Austen came into her own by the time I was 16. Dickens I never liked and still don't. He was paid by the word and it shows.

So glad I was born in a more innocent age.

chocolatecake

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 10:16 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Right, OP presented the question as binary. And so everyone jumped on encouraging.
I don't think a parent should encourage a 4 yo. That doesn't mean discourage, though.

OP. Yes it was a bad title and I wonder if the responses would have been different had a not used the word discourage. I am going to change the title to Encourage reading in a 4 yr old or steer to other activities because that is really my question. I would never actively discourage.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 7:12 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

I refrained from using the word, but I was specifically talking about gifted children. I have a hang-up about that label, rightly or wrongly. The information gathered on this category does indeed show a higher sensory profile and a richer inner world compared to peers.