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L'chaim

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GetReal

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 10:14 pm

Do something small for family only and tell the couple the money will be put aside toward their down payment.

GetReal

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 10:25 pm

Can I say Mazal tov or not yet?

LovesHashem

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, I think this is what I have to do.

Sit down with everyone, tell them point blank that these are the rules I must follow and it's not really an option.

If they feel they must make a big event it won't include me.

Any tips on having this conversation in the most productive and drama-free manner possible?

(It's possible there won't be drama, I haven't met their parents yet.)

Csn you say as a Healthcare worker you have to follow certain rules for your job?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:54 pm

How does the chosson and kallah feel?
The other side?
Your spouse?
If everyone in that group wants a small affair who cares about the community.
But if anyone will be didsapiunted you need to find a solution that will somehow make everyone happy.

DrMom

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 12:39 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Csn you say as a Healthcare worker you have to follow certain rules for your job?

This. I can't imagine marrying into a family which would take issue with this utterly reasonable explanation.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 12:58 am

Yes- I would get dh on board and tell my child and then the chosson’s family as warmly as possible that you hope everyone understands that due to your job you are going to have to follow certain protocols and explain what they are.
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:29 am

Not sure where you live but in most states there are pretty strict rules now in place. Having as your red line the state and/or local guidelines might be helpful. In terms of having the conversation, I can advise you what not to do, since most every conversation I have had with those who disagree with me about covid ends badly.

1) Don't try to convince them you are right.
2) Don't try to convince them that Covid is dangerous.
3) Don't try to convince them that simchas the way they are usually celebrated are dangerous.
4) Don't tell them they will be culpable if someone cv gets sick or go with any other guilt trips.
5) Don't turn up the emotional temperature by talking about anything bad that you have seen in the hospital or other health care setting.

Hatzlocho and Mazel Tov

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