Working full time. How do you manage???

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 9:56 am

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

I am not especially strong, but I think, bli ayin hara, I have been luckier than the norm. My DH is very responsible and supportive, pregnancies are pretty easy with minimal nausea and other symptoms, and besides the ADHD, DH and I don't have any special needs or mental health issues. We are OK physically BH. Also, besides for one with ADHD who copes very well with it, my children don't have any special needs or mental health issues so far. Physical health issues have been only minor. Plus we have supportive extended family nearby. I try to remember regularly that this is a lot to be grateful for.

Ok. Thanks for that. I am currently not working bec I just couldnt cope. I have a child with emotional issues who stays home from school often and needs a lot from me. I have a family member who harasses me. I have 2 weekly therapy session, recovering from trauma. My husband has his own baggage, works full time and can't help me out. I have a chronic illness that prevents me from being able run from activity to activity. I want to be able to work a bit and the ideas are great, as I listed. But at the end of the day I'm aware that I can't actually do everything you all are doing. I could never schedule so many activities in one day.

elisabeth

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 2:06 pm

1. Appointments--I do these on Friday, when I don't work a traditional day

2. Weekly appointments for yourself--Fridays, or I take off as needed

3. Shopping for yourself and kids (clothing, toys, homegoods..)---basically all online! I only shop in-person for something if (a) I enjoy the in-person experience and it's relaxing, and (b) I have time:)

4. When do you do weekly grocery order?--Online! I put in my order Monday night and it arrives on Wednesday nights. Online grocery shopping has been a huge game changer as a working mother.

5. What do you do if kid is sick?--Work from home usually, and take off a half or full day as needed (ie very different to have an 8 year old home sick v. a 6 month old!)

6. What do you do midwinter, Chanukah vacation with kids.--I am off for some of those days as well, and otherwise I take personal days.

7. Between school and camp times--I sign my kids up for in-between camps as available, and work from home/ take off as needed and depending on the number of personal days I have left.

I'm not even going to ask when you do laundry and suppers. I assume after work. And housework I assume you have hired help.--I hire help for laundry and housework, and make dinner after work. I sometimes meal prep on Sundays as well.

It's a lot to manage, but it really can be doable, and it helps tremendously if you enjoy your job! I try to have systems for things so that I can feel secure that the important "to dos" have a home on the calendar.

imorethanamother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 2:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I totally hear you. You're stronger than you think.

I have an autistic child who has to stay home often, thanks to the deplorable public school system. I also have a husband with a very high-demand job and he is not available. That's why I have a babysitter full time. It eats a lot of my salary, but frees me up tremendously. And she does cleaning as well, so it's two-for-one, and I feel like I have a clean house and a backup in case my kids are sick.

I have awful pregnancies, so I space them out and I don't have a lot of kids.

If you ask anyone who doesn't work full time if they can do it, they all will say NO. It's so hard, they can foresee a lot of challenges, etc etc. And yet somehow when they do start a full time job, they manage. It's one of those things that are more scary to think about than the reality of it really is.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 2:33 pm

For those of you who work 6 to 9 hours 4 days a week, have children under the age 14 how do you manage the following? (Considering going out to work but I see so many imposibilities to it all)
I worked 9-5 5 days a week most of my life. With anywhere from a 75 minute commute to a 15 minute commute. Once I had a 15 minute commute I could never go back to an hour+.

1. Appointments for your kids (dentists, physicals and others)
Evenings when possible. Took time off from work.

2. Weekly appointments for yourself (I.e. any type of therapy)
During lunchtime. I always got familiar with my workplace location. Found libraries all over NYC and NJ. Waxed near my NYC office.

3. Shopping for yourself and kids (clothing, toys, homegoods..)
During lunchtime.

4. When do you do weekly grocery order?
Shopped on way home from work. Or Sundays.

5. What do you do if kid is sick?
Took sick time. I was lucky to work in computers and I had a computer at home ostensibly for evening work. I pushed that if I had the convenience to work extra for them, they should let me work from home to benefit me when necessary. At the end, they benefited way more than I did.

6. What do you do midwinter, Chanukah vacation with kids.
The local Y always had child care during these kinds of breaks. The kids and their friends would all go. I would take some vacation time as well.

7. Between school and camp times
Same as 6

I'm not even going to ask when you do laundry and suppers. I assume after work. And housework I assume you have hired help.
Laundry, evenings and Sunday. Suppers I made late at night for the next day. I had help for housework.

Those years were VERY VERY hard. I was pregnant or nursing. I had tremendous resentment of my dh who did not work much and did not help much with anything on this list. Yet he thought he did a lot. He also had no appreciation for all that I was doing.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 3:48 pm

1. Looked for practitioners who have hours on Sundays, or scheduled for days when kids are off from school e.g. Chanuka vacation, intersession, legal hols when kids have half day and most businesses are open e.g. Presidents' Day.

2. I don't have any weekly appts but if I did I'd take sick leave. I really tried to hoard my sick leave and make appointments for late in the day, legal holidays when I was off from work or find a practice near work where I could go during my lunch break.

3. Clothes, etc. shopping on Sundays, legal holidays, vacations, and during my lunch break.

4. Main grocery shopping Sunday mornings; fill-in grocery shopping during lunch break when I worked in an area where there was a supermarket*, or on the way home from work.

5. If kid is sick, dh and I took turns staying home.

6. For vacations, I'd plan ahead and make a rough schedule for each day . They always had homework which would take up part of the day. yes, even over summer vacation. I looked for free or low-cost museums and other places of interest, took them to the library, got books of science experiments and crafts to do at home, tried to teach them domestic skills like sewing, baking, and cooking. We had "family olympics" with all kinds of made-up "events" using things we had around the house, like races in which older sibs pulled younger sibs down the hall in a laundry basket or how many pages of an old phone book can you rip at once.

7. Between camp and school starting we'd usually visit the out-of-state grandparents, otherwise see #6.

No, it wasn't easy. My time was not my own, everything was done with an eye on the clock. I wrote to-do lists, addressed envelopes, planned menus and did mending and hemming on the subway and at meetings, polished my shoes in the ladies' room at work, and paid bills in the dentist's waiting room.

*Talk about mimerchak tavi lachmah, sometimes I did, literally. Like in another city if I happened to be there for the day. My job involved a lot of travel.

ETA Looking at PP's I'm reminded how everything was scheduled almost to the minute. I would bring a timer into the bathroom so I shouldn't take too long in the shower, that's how tight my time was. I was always looking at the clock, because I had to catch a train to catch a bus to get to work on time to leave on time to get home in time to get supper done in time...did lots of things in advance, like measure out ingredients into containers so when I was ready to bake or cook or whatever, everything was ready for me. I never cooked for just once, always made enough for at least two meals. Bake one kugel, you kidding? Bake six and freeze five. And of course, as soon as kids were old enough, taught them how to sort & fold laundry, sweep and vacuum floors, wash dishes, etc. We had a carpet at one time and the kids loved using the carpet sweeper.