Legitimate shidduch question

tigerwife

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 1:06 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

I don't think it's a fair question because not everyone owns property.

Well then, they are definitely not applicable! I mean, if they can’t buy themselves a house, how will they buy your child a house?

amother

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 2:26 pm

rdmom wrote:

I think the better question would be.
WHO SHOVELS THE SNOW??
the husband or the wife

That would be the follow up question!!! Very Happy

Does the husband do it? Or wife? And why ?
Do the kids do it? Do they hire someone to do it?
You can really learn a lot from a family's snow habits LOL

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:01 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Well then, they are definitely not applicable! I mean, if they can’t buy themselves a house, how will they buy your child a house?

Let’s not derail the thread by pretending people can’t think. Asking who the machatonim are is a perfectly legitimate question. If this is their oldest child it’s not a question. There are a lot of shidduch questions that fall into the “if applicable” category. If someone doesn’t own a house or if they own one in Dallas or LA I won’t ask the question.

amother

Wine

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:16 pm

My father and later my brothers always shoveled out our sidewalk, walkway, steps, and driveway properly, meaning the whole width of the sidewalk rather than a narrow path. Then they would proceed to shovel out the neighbors as well as a chessed without accepting any money (although they wouldn't turn down some cookies). Now my father hires a someone to do it for him, but those of my brothers who live in snowy climes continue to shovel as they were trained.

I married a man who grew up doing the same. He doesn't have the koach to shovel out more than our own property but he does a proper job of it and clears off my car too. After nearly hurting myself trying to navigate giant snow banks to drop off our son at playgroup I appreciate his efforts even more and I came home and told him so!

amother

Lemon

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:20 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

This is so nice. It is absolutely indicative of something when you see a healthy family, going on vacations, eating out, enjoying the fine things in life, neglect to do the common courtesy of shoveling a small path or even if for some strange reason they cannot, hire or ask that someone else do it for them. It's basic mentchlichkeit. Some things are beyond my comprehension.

Ema of 5

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:20 pm

Chayalle wrote:

And do they think that if they cleared off a spot on the street, it now belongs to them and no one else can park there for the rest of the winter?

Someone above you wrote- do they take the spot that the neighbor worked to clear, because there is no spot in front of their house because they didn’t clear?

Ema of 5

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:23 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

It would be indicative of someone who is caring and thoughtful of others. I have a neighbor that owns a business in their home. This neighbor is extremely reckless - she has employees coming and going and can't be bothered to shovel. She is making jokes about it yet she literally does not care if someone slips due to her recklessness or not. I don't care how wealthy these people are- they are inconsiderate jerks.

It COULD be indicative, but there could be something else entirely. Not everyone has a business in their house like your neighbor.

Chayalle

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 3:26 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Someone above you wrote- do they take the spot that the neighbor worked to clear, because there is no spot in front of their house because they didn’t clear?

There are other possibilities, you know. Visitors from another city, etc....

But IVHO digging out your car from a publicly owned space does not preclude others from parking there forevermore.

amother

Pink

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 9:28 pm

Just to point out that although it may tell you something about the potential match's PARENTS' middos (or may not, depending on the circumstances - it could say more about their finances and stamina), it doesn't necessarily tell you anything about the middos of the boy/girl themselves.

Perhaps we should focus our research more on the middos of the actual potential chosson or kallah?

amother

Indigo

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 9:51 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Also, not everywhere do ppl clear the snow.
My driveway and sidewalk are covered in snow.
I live on a block 1/3 frum, 2/3 not jewish.
In the entire block of about 40 houses, ONE has sidewalk clear. This guy also blows the leaves off his lawn daily from august until it snows..
Sop if your ask if my family shoved sidewalk, no we don't, but neither do 39/40 houses on my street

Where I live if you don't clear the snow within 48hrs. you will get fined by the ocunty. It sad that most of your block doesn't. It would be terrible if someone who had a physical handicap of somesort could not get to where they were going safely because they were forced to walk in the street.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 11:13 pm

On my block there are a number of semi retirees who wait gleefully for snowfall to demonstrate their shoveling prowess. Hours before the storm they call errant neighbors whose cars are still on the street-in preparation for carpool, say, or last minute grocery shopping, lest they obstruct the path of the plow twelve hours later. During a storm they can be seen shoveling once or twice an hour to prevent buildup. After the storm they glare at the neighbors-in my case we have small children, and both of us work full time-who haven’t cleared the snow as expediently as they have. In fact I hire a snow clearing service, which I can’t really afford but we know we have no choiceV and these neighbors sometimes call me on the phone as the snow is still coming down to complain that we haven’t started clearing yet! I say if you want to make a shidduch specifically with people like that...go for it.

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 11:17 pm

I literally told my husband today that I need to switch babysitters because if my babysitter didn't make sure their was a good enough path for carriages and her stairs were completely clear then I can't trust her.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Feb 09 2021, 11:52 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

I absolutely agree with this. Even if for whatever reason she cannot - ask someone to do a favor for her - a neighbor, a friend. For crying out loud show that you care!!!

doodlesmom

Tue, Feb 09 2021, 11:55 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

You should.
Why don’t you? It’s for your safety as well.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 09 2021, 12:16 pm

Wow lots of moral judgment is being attached to shoveling snow.

While we are at it, we should probably ask many other equally important questions when doing shidduchim research:

Do they drive a car that has scrapes, bumps or broken parts?
Do they leave toys outside on their lawn or put everything away at night?
Is there garbage on the ground outside their house, or do they clean it up right away?
Is their home well kept, fresh paint, new windows, well kept grass and beautifully kept landscaping?
Are there weeds in their grass?
Do they have cracks in their sidewalk or driveway?

All these things can "indicate" something or another if you want to look for issues. But at some point it gets a little ridiculous.