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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
How do you prefer to be served as a guest?
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| I prefer to be served family style and chose what I want to put on my plate |
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50% |
[ 134 ] |
| I do not have a preference |
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14% |
[ 38 ] |
| I don't mind if the fish course is pre-plated but please let me plate the rest myself. |
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25% |
[ 67 ] |
| I prefer a beautifully presented pre-plated plate |
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10% |
[ 29 ] |
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| Total Votes : 268 |
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amother
Olive
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 Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:43 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Are the people who plate in their kitchen taking orders and making special plates for everyone? Or just putting a bit of everything on the plate and leave what you don't want? I got the impression of the latter, so Moishe will leave his lokshen kugel, Yehudis will leave her sautéed vegetables, and Avigayil will leave her chicken. Seems like a lot of waste to me. |
And Moshe and Avigayil will leave the table hungry because they can’t/won’t eat anything that was on the plate with the dangerous food.
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Sprinkles1
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:47 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Did you read the thread? Plenty of people replied with why they dont like being served. And as I said in my OP, this is not about a wedding or restaurant. |
Why is it different than a restaurant/wedding? Do you mind being served plated by a wedding?
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tichellady
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:50 pm
| Sprinkles1 wrote: | | Why is it different than a restaurant/wedding? Do you mind being served plated by a wedding? |
I feel bad about how much food I waste at a wedding. I’m not a picky eater but I often fill up before the main course and then just eat a small amount of it and the rest gets tossed. Also at a wedding, the person giving you the plate isn’t the person who made the food and isn’t sitting at the table with you looking to see what you eat and don’t eat.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:50 pm
| Sprinkles1 wrote: | | Why is it different than a restaurant/wedding? Do you mind being served plated by a wedding? |
Because I am literally only asking about what a guest in a home on shabbos/yt feels and prefers. Different expectations etc for catered affairs with many many guests.
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SixOfWands
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:50 pm
Still curious how you are "beautifully plating" the main course on Shabbat.
I'm not at all artistic in any case. But if there are 2 people at your table, how do you have time to do anthing but spoon some on, and go on to the next?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:51 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | I feel bad about how much food I waste at a wedding. I’m not a picky eater but I often fill up before the main course and then just eat a small amount of it and the rest gets tossed. Also at a wedding, the person giving you the plate isn’t the person who made the food and isn’t sitting at the table with you looking to see what you eat and don’t eat. |
And so much this.
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amother
Gold
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:55 pm
| SixOfWands wrote: | Still curious how you are "beautifully plating" the main course on Shabbat.
I'm not at all artistic in any case. But if there are 2 people at your table, how do you have time to do anthing but spoon some on, and go on to the next? |
I don't plate beautifully. I just make sure it looks appetizing.
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amother
Bronze
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:57 pm
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My family even far prefers Buffett at a pesach program. I love seeing the food and taking what I want. Of course I get the concept of people preferring to be served while on vacation but I prefer not to be
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amother
Azure
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 5:01 pm
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I definitely don't want a plated meal. I'll tell my host about allergies, but not about food I just don't like, because I figure I just won't take it. If that lands on my plate, and is in front of me the whole meal , and mixes with my other food, I'm not happy. Also, I know how much of something I'll want, and the ratio of protein to veg to starch. But if I get a plated meal, I won't take more of anything until I've finished everything.
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doodlesmom
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 5:05 pm
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I guess the best option is preplated for all with extra plates in the center and a general announcement that if you want you can take off whatever you want onto a separate plate.
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thunderstorm
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 5:11 pm
| flowerpower wrote: | | Once I am done serving that course I want to sit down at the table. Not getting up to refill plates. This works for me. As a guest I was embarrassed to take from the serving tray so as a guest I prefer individual plates too. | I used to do plates but I found that if I do plated and I’m busy serving individual plates I don’t have the time to sit down at the table and enjoy the course together. When I serve family style , we all begin eating at the same time since all the food is at the table together .
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SixOfWands
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 5:18 pm
| amother [ Gold ] wrote: | | I don't plate beautifully. I just make sure it looks appetizing. |
The survey says "beautifully presented." Which I would consider to be something like this:
Which, BTW, all create cross contamination issues.
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amother
Goldenrod
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 5:54 pm
| amother [ Oak ] wrote: | | I think virtually everyone that’s a guest would prefer family style but in many homes that’s not how they do it. As a picky eater it’s always awkward for me |
Same! Thankfully I’ve never been at a stam shabbos/YT meal where they’ve plated anything other than maybe an appetizer. It’s already awkward enough to have to turn that down if it’s not my taste I can’t imagine not eating a whole plate of food. I already feel awkward when I don’t like what’s being served and don’t take most of it
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:11 pm
| Sprinkles1 wrote: | | Why is it different than a restaurant/wedding? Do you mind being served plated by a wedding? |
I always eat at the shmorg because I know there’s a high chance I won’t be able to eat the plated food at the meal due to cross contamination.
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amother
Mauve
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:23 pm
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I bring platters to the table and serve at the table. Each guest tells me what they do or don’t like. Noone is touching or breathing on the food. there is no baal tashchis, no awkward feelings or me missing out on conversation because I am in the kitchen.
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amother
Orchid
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:25 pm
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I don’t eat fish or anything that’s on the same plate as fish. I don’t eat chicken either, but don’t mind eating other stuff on the plate as long as it wasn’t cooked together. Yes, I am very picky and sometimes when I eat out I eat mostly challah and salad. But at least I can choose what to eat and not go hungry. Agree with PP, at a wedding I don’t have to worry about making anyone feel bad.
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amother
Goldenrod
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:34 pm
| amother [ Mauve ] wrote: | | I bring platters to the table and serve at the table. Each guest tells me what they do or don’t like. Noone is touching or breathing on the food. there is no baal tashchis, no awkward feelings or me missing out on conversation because I am in the kitchen. |
See that would make me feel very uncomfortable because I’m so picky and there’s a good chance I may not want many or any of what you’re offering. How would I say no thank you to everything? I’d have to pretend to like stuff and then try to force myself to eat it? I hate being put in a situation where I feel forced to eat something.
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amother
Salmon
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:46 pm
| amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote: | | See that would make me feel very uncomfortable because I’m so picky and there’s a good chance I may not want many or any of what you’re offering. How would I say no thank you to everything? I’d have to pretend to like stuff and then try to force myself to eat it? I hate being put in a situation where I feel forced to eat something. |
It would make me uncomfortable too. I would not like having to explain my preferences to the hostess and the listening guests. Maybe I don't want everyone knowing I am on a diet. Maybe I don't want them all discovering I've decided to be vegetarian. Maybe I don't want everyone's attention that very minute focused on what I want on my plate.
It's weird and it puts you and the hostess on the spot. When there are platters in the middle of the table, then everyone takes at once and no one is focusing on what you choose to put in your plate. You don't need to explain your preferences to anyone.
People here mentioned the problem of platters getting stuck on one side of the table. So either make sure to pass them around, or do what I do - place smaller platters with repeat dishes. So two bowls of rice instead of one, at opposite ends of the table.
As for people breathing on the food - sorry, I don't get that. Each platter has a serving spoon and I've never seen anyone breathe into the platter. And in any case, you are all seated in close proximity around the table, breathing close together. If you are so worried about breath particles maybe landing on a common platter, you should be worried about those breath particles landing on your plate, which is a few inches away from your neighbor's elbow.
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amother
Brown
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:47 pm
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Not sure if this has already been said but I prefer family style that is not set at the table but on a buffet table or island instead. This way you don't have to worry about people breathing on the food like one poster said and don't have to be uncomfortable asking for a dish to be passes.
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amother
Salmon
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:50 pm
| amother [ Brown ] wrote: | | Not sure if this has already been said but I prefer family style that is not set at the table but on a buffet table or island instead. This way you don't have to worry about people breathing on the food like one poster said and don't have to be uncomfortable asking for a dish to be passes. |
Yes, but then it's more awkward to get up for seconds.
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