DOUBLE YUK!!!!! | Imamother

gonewiththewind

Sun, Mar 30 2008, 12:06 pm

I was disturbed by the flippant reference to Yehuda, as we must be careful how speak of the shefatim, so I am posting an explanation of the story of Yehuda and Tamar according to chazal:

Tamar was very beautiful and Er did not want to mar her beauty in anyway. Thinking that pregnancy would make her ugly, he began practicing a form of birth control that is completely against Halacha. It was as a result of this sin, the spilling of his seed, that Er died at a young age.

Soon after Er died, Yehudah approached his second son, Onan, and asked him to marry Tamar and perform the rite of Yibbum with her. Yibbum is performed in situations when a man dies without having children. In these situations, an unmarried brother will marry the widow and according to Rashi a child from that union will be named after the dead brother. Yehuda told Onan that if he consents to marry her it must be strictly for that reason, simply to perform the mitzvah.

Onan agreed to marry Tamar. However, he committed the same sin as Er. The Chumash says he did it because he knew the child would not be his. Sifsei Chachomim explains that according to Rashi not only would the child be named after the deceased, but would also be considered as the child of the deceased.

There are however those who disagree. Reb Mordechai Rosen z"l (whose Divrei Torah are found on the Shema Yisrael Parsha site) explains Onan’s actions in this way. The Pasuk says "VaYedah Onan Ki Lo Lo"-- Onan saw that the children that would come from him and Tamar would not be for Hashem - they would be Reshaim. So he took it upon himself to prevent them from being born -- this was not acceptable in the eyes of Hashem and he was punished.

Yehudah had one living son, Shelah. Rashi explains that Yehudah was afraid that if this son married Tamar, he would also die. Even Haazer relates a Klal that if a woman has buried two husbands whose deaths were illness related, it is considered dangerous to marry her. Because Yehudah did not know why his son’s died, he could only assume it was because Hashem wanted Tamar to suffer.

According to Akedath Yitzchak and the Rambam, Yehudah knew exactly what his sons’ had done and that is why he prevented Shelah from marrying. He believed that his older sons had acted immorally because of their youth. He was afraid that this son would commit the same sin. He therefore asked Tamar to wait until Shelah was a little older and more mature. In the interim he would take the time to daven to Hashem for mercy.

Toldoth Yitzchak says that Yehudah never intended for Shelah to marry Tamar. He wanted him to perform "Chalizah," which is a ceremony in which the brother absolves himself of marrying the widow. This can only be performed by a boy over the age of thirteen. That is why Yehudah told Tamar to go live in her father’s home until Shelah was older.

One year passes and the Yehudah's wife dies. Soon after her death, Yehudah travels to the city of Timnah to spend time with friends and be comforted. It was at this point that Tamar became despondent. Sforno explains that after Sarah died, Yitzchak moved Rivka into her tent. When Yehudah’s wife died and his daughter-in-law, Tamar, was not asked to move into her lodgings, she began to think that Yehudah had no intention of marrying her to Shelah. The Ohr Hachayim explains that Tamar saw through Ruach Hakodesh that Shelah was not fit to be her husband. She therefore decided to be intimate with Yehudah.

The Chumash tells us that word came to Tamar that Yehudah had left his house and gone to Timnah. Tamar took off her widow’s garb and sat in the middle of the road in a place called Pethach Eynaim. The Medrash explains this as a toll gate -- anyone passing to Timnah had to stop there and pay a toll. The Me’am Loez says that Pethach Eynaim was the house of Avraham. It was a holy house set aside for guests. Mizrahi feels that she went to Moaras Hamachpela and davened that she not leave Yehudah’s house without bearing children.

Tamar had covered her face with a veil so she would not be recognized. Rabbenu Maimon (the father of the Rambam) held that in ancient times if the brother of the deceased did not marry the widow, another close relative would. Tamar seized this opportunity to be intimate with Yehudah, even though she had to resort to trickery. It was her wish to have children that were descended from Yehudah.

When Yehudah saw her sitting at the side of the road, he thought she was a harlot. The Ramban explains that he thought she was a harlot because of her actions. In those days a harlot would sit at the crossroads with part of her face covered. When he saw Tamar with part of her face veiled, sitting on the side of the road he assumed she was a harlot. The Gemara in Sotah explains that Yehudah did not recognize her, because she had always had her face covered in his home. Chazal explain that from Tamar we learn that a woman who is always modest in behavior and dress will be worthy to have rulers and prophets as her descendants. But a woman who dresses and acts immodestly will be despised in the eyes of Hashem and man.

The Chumash relates the conversation between Yehudah and Tamar. He tells her that he wants to be intimate with her and she asks what he is willing to give her. The Yad explains that before the Torah was given it was perfectly okay for an unmarried man and woman to be intimate without any ties. However, on the day that the Torah was given, all forms of pre-marital and extra-marital relations were forbidden. Even though our Avos kept the Torah before it was given, it was by choice. If they choose not to follow a specific commandment, that was okay -- for example, Yaakov married two sisters, which is forbidden by the Torah.

The Yafeh Tohar explains that Yehudah tried to ignore Tamar and continue on his way, but Hashem sent the Malach that controls s-xual desire to compel him to desire her.

The Gemara in Sotah relates that Yehudah asked her if a. She was an idol worshipper b. Was she married c. If she was menstruating. Tamar answered that she was not an idol worshipper, she was unmarried and ritually clean. It was only then that Yehudah was intimate with her.

Yehudah offers to give her a sheep from his flock. Tamar agrees but asks for something to be used for security until it arrives. She asks for his seal, his wrap and his staff. Rashi explains that seal meant signet ring, wrap was the cloak he wore and the staff was that which he held in his hand. The Ramban says that the warp was a shawl that aristocrats of that time wore around their necks and the seal had the form of a lion on it. The Medrash explains the symbolism of each piece as follows: The signet ring symbolized that from this liaison would come the royal line of Israel beginning with David Hamelech. The wrap symbolized the Sanhedrin who would pass judgement with great respect. The staff symbolized Moshiach who would be a descendant of this liaison.

This was a liaison that Yehudah should have avoided. Even though this may have been a permissible act, Yehudah was not just any man. He was a leader and teacher of his generation and should have been above being intimate with a woman whom he suspected of being a harlot. It is obvious that this whole affair was ordained and coerced by Heaven.

Tamar became pregnant from this intimacy. The Chumash says "VaTahar Lo," she became pregnant to him. The Medrash explains that this teaches us that her two sons were as saintly as him -- Yehudah.

Mizrahi and many other Mefarshim believe that Yehudah married her. Their feeling is that Yehudah would not have been intimate without marriage. As an important leader he would have traveled with an entourage and they would have been witnesses to a marriage.