Do you feel bad when you can’t afford to be as fancy

amother

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 8:49 pm

As your friends?
They can afford really expensive clothing, can spend on gorgeous dresses and jewelry and makeup for simchos, whereas I have a more limited budget. So I leave their simchos feeling a bit bad for myself even though I’m trying not to. (I am by no means poor, I just can’t drop $600 for a vort dress and $2000 on a gown and $150 for makeup each time for my sister’s wedding and then another $600 for a bar mitzvah outfit for my brother’s bar mitzvah… and $200 outfits for my kids each time…)

hodeez

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 8:55 pm

It's all shtuyot, your friends are probably jealous of their friends who can afford even more luxurious items. Happiness isn't in the stuff you can buy. Bh you are by no means poor. Live within your means and don't look around too much; you'll save yourself a lot of tzaar.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:09 pm

No. I honestly don't. I feel bad for them that they feel a need to spend so much money on nonsense. I don't think the level of fanciness and amount of money you spend correlates with happiness. Bh I am happy with what I have and really don't care what others do.

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:22 pm

I’m not gonna lie I like to feel really good about if how I look even though I know it’s so not important.

That said I think your numbers are really high. I probably spend more than I should on my appearance (I don’t spend beyond my means though) but I don’t spend quite as much. If you have an eye should be able to find nice clothes that suit you for much less. If you don’t have an eye ask a sibling or friend to help! I’m always finding nice clothes for people

amother

Offwhite

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:35 pm

So glad I don’t have many friends like this! Most of my friends are like me, down to earth and not showy. One friend who spends a lot
On the stiff you mentioned, frankly, we mock her (to her face too!) Ifs such shtuyot!

amother

Chambray

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:39 pm

I think today with all the fast fashion available it’s possible to look really really good on a shoestring budget, and that’s what I’m sometimes jealous of not being able to pull off. That I just don’t have what it takes to make myself look glam.

amother

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:32 pm

amother [ DarkMagenta ] wrote:

It’s not that I think they’re happier. I am very happy with my life. I just leave these events feeling down about myself. (It’s why I don’t go on Instagram- I can’t look at women with perfect skin perfect clothing perfect wigs perfect everything all day lol)

amother

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:33 pm

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

Most of my good friends are like me. But a few are not. And I would never mock them- why would I do that? They are good people! If they have, let them spend! I just end up feeling bad about myself.

amother

Offwhite

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Most of my good friends are like me. But a few are not. And I would never mock them- why would I do that? They are good people! If they have, let them spend! I just end up feeling bad about myself.

It’s good natured mocking. It’s when each meal of a shabbos bar mitzvah has different color scheme with matching outfits. It’s just not something I understand spending money on.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:46 pm

Sometiems for some things. Like not really for the actual clthes as much as for the ease of being able to just buy wherever whatever without the struggle of looking for something cheaper.
The actual clothes once I find them look as good on me as their $$$ do.

amother

Coral

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:26 pm

My kids are happy with what we have and aren’t even interested in exotic trips etc. They love our family suppers and shabbos table. That to me is worth millions and then some.

If I ch”v was living in dire poverty or had kids that didn’t like being gone perhaps I’d feel differently.

BTW the tachrichim they bury us in after 120 don’t have any designer options. They are all the same. The next world that will last hundreds of years plus (eternity) is where people will really differ from each other. What’s a few years on this world in comparison?

amother

Ecru

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:41 am

When I read things like this I'm glad I grew up out of town and now in Israel. I don't think I've ever felt like that and most of the time people are just not so fancy. I Just can't imagine living in a community where this is the norm. And people do get dressed up nice where I live in Ramat Beit Shemesh but I've never left a simcha feeling bad about myself even if I didn't get dressed up fancy and I just ran in. I just felt like I was happy to be part of someone's simcha And same with mine. Just seems like something's lost when you go and then come home feeling so bad when you should feel so happy that you're able to join someone in their simcha

amother

Honey

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 2:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sometimes. But I learned to focus on keeping out of debt, and remember that most people who buy fancy stuff are paying in installments and have lots of debt. Not everyone, obviously, but a large number.

So those who can, good for them. Most people I see are like me but with different priorities. I choose to live within my means, they choose not to. I have nothing to be jealous of. (I wouldn't be jealous of the few who are of means. It only gets hard when you're the only one who doesn't fit in. If there are a few people dressed like me, I'm happy.)

essie14

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 2:42 am

Totally not. I like things to look nice but I really dislike spending so much money for a one night affair.
I'd much rather spend my money on home renovations or an experience for my family.
I don't need a new wig for every Simcha that I make. I don't need each child to have 5 outfits for a bar mitzvah.
I have some acquaintances who really make over the top smachot, yet don't own their homes. It's priorities.

LovesHashem

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 2:53 am

OP the money you spend is something I wouldn't be able to afford at all.

I sometimes do want nicer things, but I don't feel bad about myself for living within my means and spending what I can.