Do you feel bad when you can’t afford to be as fancy

FranticFrummie

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 8:55 am

octopus wrote:

No I don't feel bad for myself or them. My means has nothing to do with their means. I don't really compare myself to people in this aspect

Absolutely this. I go to smachot to be sameach, not to sit around and worry about other people.

I wear what I think looks good on me, and do my best to look pulled together. I usually try to wear an interesting piece of jewelry that I've made, as a conversation starter. If someone comments, then we have what to talk about.

I have no idea what labels other people are wearing, I don't know what they cost, and I don't care one little bit. I don't even care if their diamonds are real or CZ. If it makes them happy, good for them.

Not my monkeys, not my circus.

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 9:38 am

How do you know how much they spend? I always look beautiful (IMO at least) and I spend much less then that.

I dress well but I would never drop $2,000 on a wedding dress if I’m not the bride. My friend recently made a gown for $2k for her sisters wedding (actually her mother paid for it), and I had no idea how much it was. I asked her to buy it from her and she said- my mother is asking $1500. I was honestly so shocked since it didn’t look any nicer then my $400 gown. And when I custom made a gown it didn’t cost more then $700 which of course I sold afterwards so I got my monies worth. I don’t understand dropping so much money on a dress you will wear one time.

$150 for makeup- the price is anywhere between $80-150 nowadays

$600 for a bar mitzvah dress- no way I don’t spend more then $200

amother

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 9:42 am

SuperWify wrote:

I once asked because I needed a dress for a simcha and that’s what I was told. You can’t custom make a gown for $700 these days (or if you can please share who you used!)

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 9:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I once asked because I needed a dress for a simcha and that’s what I was told. You can’t custom make a gown for $700 these days (or if you can please share who you used!)

Well I did this year. In Lakewood.

amother

Calendula

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 10:00 am

amother [ Chambray ] wrote:

I think today with all the fast fashion available it’s possible to look really really good on a shoestring budget, and that’s what I’m sometimes jealous of not being able to pull off. That I just don’t have what it takes to make myself look glam.

This! I'm short and stumpy looking, with a small waist. Everything trendy looks crazy on me! The cute booties make my legs looks like tree stumps, I lose my waist in all these cardigans, and I look bad in anything but a-line skirts. I cannot figure out how to dress well this year. Send help!

Kiwi13

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 10:17 am

BH I never lived anywhere that had that kind of pressure, so maybe that makes it easier for me to seriously not care at all about this stuff. I like to look nice, but I actually prefer shopping at Goodwill, where I can afford to buy things that look nice (ARE nice) for only a few dollars a piece. That way I also don't stress too much if something gets ruined or needs to be replaced. We don't have a lot of money, literally paycheck to paycheck, but even if I had more money, fancy clothing is not what I'd spend it on.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 10:44 am

That's why it's good to live in areas that are similar to your budget and lifestyle. No pressure.

Just remind yourself that this is all nothing. Life is about our avodas Hashem. Let's not lose track of that.

Rena K

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:44 pm

You don't know what else they are currently struggling with in their lives. And if if they have perfect lives no one knows what their future holds. And don't you want to be happy? Try to focus on the things that do make you happy. I know, easier said than done. I really want a bigger master bedroom. But it's not because I'm jealous of anyone. I just want it because mine is too small. Is looking better really something you want because you'd feel better, or do you want it because others have it?

amother

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:46 pm

Rena K wrote:

I do know!
I know their lives aren’t perfect. It doesn’t help that I feel very old fashioned, out of date, Unpretty when I’m next to them… and I’m very young.

amother

Leaf

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:48 pm

Yes. But that’s one of my life’s struggles.
Even now that were a lot more comfortable than we used to be, there are yet others who can afford even more. It’s beneficial to keep reminding ourselves to count our blessing.

tp3

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:50 pm

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

It’s good natured mocking. It’s when each meal of a shabbos bar mitzvah has different color scheme with matching outfits. It’s just not something I understand spending money on.

The oddest thing to me is matching outfits to tablecloths.

amother

Firethorn

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:53 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

You need to stop trying to be trendy.
You need to dress for your body type and coloring.
I have a well-proportioned body type and look good in most styles but my face is not very feminine, even though good-looking.
I don't look good in long curly wigs or very feminine floral prints.
I can afford it but look like a drag queen.
So I don't.

Kiwi13

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 1:54 pm

tp3 wrote:

The oddest thing to me is matching outfits to tablecloths.

I have legit never heard of this before. Well except for at weddings, I guess. I picked burgundy as the color my sister and sister in law wore, and we got burgundy cloth napkins for the seuda.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 2:46 pm

I actually take great pride in not spending a lot and working in a budget which I have to do. At our recent Simcha we all looked beautiful. I actually don't like fancy things in general.