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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 4:14 pm
I need some encouragement. I have an out of box child. She’s not cut out for sitting in desks or following rigid rules. School is stressful for her. She does love learning and the social aspects. Some years she gets teachers that understand her and sometimes she clashes with teachers. I just want to hear from similar parents that you made it through schooling in one piece.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 5:33 pm
I guess no one is dealing with this.
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amother
NeonOrange
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 5:39 pm
Just be grateful every day she isn’t a boy who needs to sit in a yeshiva.
Sorry not helpful I know, but many of us struggle with sons like that and it’s just so much harder.
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Cookiegirl
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 5:42 pm
I have had kids like this...we often fondly quote one daughter who indignantly said in first grade "My teacher doesn't understand that I can color and listen at the same time!" She spent a lot of time out of her seat, and some teachers were more relaxed than others about it, even through high school. She has multiple college degrees now...it will be ok. Your daughter will have to face some consequences of not conforming as some teachers really clamp down on disruptive behavior (rightfully so), but she will figure it out. Good luck!
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behappy2
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 5:59 pm
Still in the middle we all know that some kids make it through and some kids are forever wounded by the system. What are you wanting to hear?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:01 pm
behappy2 wrote: | Still in the middle we all know that some kids make it through and some kids are forever wounded by the system. What are you wanting to hear? |
I don’t know. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and sorry for her.
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behappy2
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I don’t know. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and sorry for her. |
Everybody has their destiny. This is your child's. There's so much you can do to encourage her and support her. We really need to accept the lives our children have. We can't make every booboo go away. My son once told me "Mommy, I know that I'm going to have a really good life when I'm older because I already went through so much". I wish.
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amother
Raspberry
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:12 pm
Can you make a change? Instead of having stranger placate you ( that doesn't work too well) maybe see if there is something you can do to make her situation better. Then you will know that you are doing your best from her without needing reassurance from other people
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:14 pm
amother [ Raspberry ] wrote: | Can you make a change? Instead of having stranger placate you ( that doesn't work too well) maybe see if there is something you can do to make her situation better. Then you will know that you are doing your best from her without needing reassurance from other people |
I’m doing all that already. I’m working with the school but we can only do so much. The rest is up to her.
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Cookiegirl
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:16 pm
Try to show her appreciation for her spirit and "out of the box" identity. Support from you can counteract a lot of negative feedback in school. I have another DD who is dyslexic and really struggled academically, but has such high EQ, and amazing simchas hachaim that she got by in school on the merit of her social skills alone. She was not a great student, but she was very successful in the "life" part of school life. Your job is to keep pumping up the recognition of her uniqueness and individuality and keep her confidence level high
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:18 pm
Cookiegirl wrote: | Try to show her appreciation for her spirit and "out of the box" identity. Support from you can counteract a lot of negative feedback in school. I have another DD who is dyslexic and really struggled academically, but has such high EQ, and amazing simchas hachaim that she got by in school on the merit of her social skills alone. She was not a great student, but she was very successful in the "life" part of school life. Your job is to keep pumping up the recognition of her uniqueness and individuality and keep her confidence level high |
I focus a lot on her strengths and she has outlets out of school for them.
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Zehava
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:21 pm
amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote: | Just be grateful every day she isn’t a boy who needs to sit in a yeshiva.
Sorry not helpful I know, but many of us struggle with sons like that and it’s just so much harder. |
Not necessarily. I have both genders. I get a ton of phone calls and interventions from school, and a “boys will be boys” vibe from cheder. Somehow boys are expected to be wild to a certain extent while girls are expected to be these perfectly mature little angels.
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behappy2
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:24 pm
How is she doing now? How's her self esteem, mood, social life? Is she doing well now?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 6:26 pm
behappy2 wrote: | How is she doing now? How's her self esteem, mood, social life? Is she doing well now? |
She comes home stressed out. She’s doing well socially. She has a rigid teacher this year so it’s been tough. I just gave them a lot of ideas for working with her but this teacher seems more rigid than usual.
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behappy2
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 7:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | She comes home stressed out. She’s doing well socially. She has a rigid teacher this year so it’s been tough. I just gave them a lot of ideas for working with her but this teacher seems more rigid than usual. |
She comes home stressed and then she calms down or is she stressed all evening?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 7:13 pm
behappy2 wrote: | She comes home stressed and then she calms down or is she stressed all evening? |
It depends on the day and how much time I have available to devote to her.
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behappy2
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | It depends on the day and how much time I have available to devote to her. |
Try not to get so hyper focused on what kind of a day she had at school. What's more important is how she is coping with it all. Its ok for her to be stressed. Does she have something she can do as soon as she comes home to help her her destress?
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amother
Outerspace
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I’m doing all that already. I’m working with the school but we can only do so much. The rest is up to her. |
She might need outside help. Have you gotten her evaluated?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:11 pm
amother [ Outerspace ] wrote: | She might need outside help. Have you gotten her evaluated? |
She has been evaluated and is receiving help in school, but it's still a process and a lot of it is her personality which can't be fixed.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:13 pm
behappy2 wrote: | Try not to get so hyper focused on what kind of a day she had at school. What's more important is how she is coping with it all. Its ok for her to be stressed. Does she have something she can do as soon as she comes home to help her her destress? |
It's just hard to watch her go through, wishing I can make it all go away. She does have things to destress and I try not to focus on it.
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