my kid is a TERROR

Tamiri

Fri, Apr 18 2008, 1:15 am

Raizle wrote:

Oh well!
at least I have one person earlier who agreed with me LOL

.

People hear things and respond to certain expressions differently.
When I hear the word disciplining I cringe. Maybe it's because I've heard the word too much in context with old fashioned type disciplining.

Raizle, I assume that most of us don't have negative connotations with the word disciplining. Only in recent pop-psych years has that word become "abusive". Perhaps, if more parents used the word and actually did it, there would be less "un-mechunach" children parading around. Discipline is not child abuse.
There is nothing wrong with discipline. I would like to know how many boys you have? Girls - you may get off easy there. But a lot of boys, especially alpha-male types, could use a bit of training and disciplining here and there. Think army LOL

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To the OP: Your son sounds very typical (I have 5 boys and have been around a lot of them). I know that keeping him home is not an option but school MAY be part of the problem. Not on the Morah's part or anything, just perhaps he is in an environment that he is not ready for. Many times we think that by putting a child into a school/social framework at an early age, we are doing him a favor when, in fact - the opposite is true.
Some children are not yet ready to handle the multitudes of children and rules, or the rigidity of getting up and out of the house every day for set times.
Imagine how sick of work some adults become, yet they *must* go out every day. A small child is too young to understand that and parents usually won't discuss it with them. It's against popular thought to even raise such an issue because parents need to work and have the child taken care of.
As I suggested previously, a few good sessions with an expert may make all the difference in your lives, and help your little boy be a happy camper. It's worth the effort to go check it out.

anon

Fri, Apr 18 2008, 8:12 am

If the child was never properly disciplined at home, and didn't learn to follow firm rules, then it would follow that he might have a difficult time in school. But then, the root of the problem would be his lack of discipline, not school, per se.

I think that directing attention all over the place (school, internal struggles, anger, etc) is unhelpful, considering that the OP made it clear that her child has the upperhand at home. Advice should focus on how to implement a new approach to being mechanech...something that will be very difficult in the beginning for both child and parents.

I don't think that you can accurately speculate about contributing problems until at least the main problem is addressed.

I do agree that going to an expert would be a good investment at this time.

Motek

Tue, Apr 22 2008, 10:58 am

Tamiri wrote:

I would like to know how many boys you have?

How about asking personal questions via pm rather than putting a poster on the spot publicly?

Quote:

To the OP: Your son sounds very typical

Maybe because parents today are doing an awful job of being mechanech their children.

Quote:

I know that keeping him home is not an option but school MAY be part of the problem. Not on the Morah's part or anything, just perhaps he is in an environment that he is not ready for. Many times we think that by putting a child into a school/social framework at an early age, we are doing him a favor when, in fact - the opposite is true.

I agree!

greenfire

Tue, Apr 22 2008, 11:35 am

it's not an easy task when we want our children so badly to be happy and well-behaved ...

when parents do not have a united front guess who becomes CEO ... the kids ...

every negative has to be replaced with a positive to balance out ... don't say NO ... say yes you can - then give them a time when they can (even if it is not now) - give them s/t to do so they can find a way to feel good about what they are doing ... and always stick with what you say ... if sticker charts don't work - have the stickers accumulate into a prize - so the reward is worth his while ...

and kudos to GR for spending so much time with your kiddies - it pays off ... that is what kids need Thumbs Up

juko

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 11:03 pm

I just wanted to point out that while a child is not a terror by nature, there is definitely such a thing as a kid being born with a certain personality that makes them harder than other kids. Some kids are just more difficult than others. They are not BAD they just have more energy and are more curious by nature. I have a friend who lets her kid do whatever he wants. literally. She doesn't care and neither does her husband. But their son is an angel. By nature he's just a mellow kid.

mommyX2

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 11:13 pm

I didn't read thru all the posts- not time...but I just wanted to tell u it should be called the terrible threes not the terrible twos. bec. for my son that's what it was...so be patient and hang in there, when he turns 4 you will see he'll mature a lot!! not that he'll always listen but he'll be a LOT easier to handle...atleast that's the way it was with me.

raizy

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 11:21 pm

sometimes u can talk till your blue in your face and listhen till u are red in your face and the kid will still not listhen...

well today I had it with talking so I started bribing my oldest. I know he loves chocholate so I said if he pickes up evertything off the floor I will give him some.. that stuff just magically dissapeared from the floor. ...now I gotta stock up on the chocolate. lol.

I feel for u ... my oldest is giving us a run for our money... sometimes it so quite and normal till my oldest comes home and then all hell breaks lose. like all the kids would be coloring andhe comes home and the whole house erupts in firecrakers... I tried everything. I serve supper for all the other kids before he comes home . and have his supper ready and waiting the minete he walks in .. not all the time it helps...etc.

Raizle

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:21 pm

Motek wrote:

How about asking personal questions via pm rather than putting a poster on the spot publicly?

8)

I didn't answer the question she asked because first, just like you said its a personal question and second, I don't see the relevance.

Tamiri wrote:

To the OP: Your son sounds very typical

Then why should she call him a terror? I don't think that is a typical expression to describe a typical kid.

justanothermother

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:37 pm

Motek wrote:

raizy wrote:

well today I had it with talking so I started bribing my oldest. I know he loves chocholate so I said if he pickes up evertything off the floor I will give him some.. that stuff just magically dissapeared from the floor. ...now I gotta stock up on the chocolate. lol.

how old is he?

How about asking personal questions via pm rather than putting a poster on the spot publicly?

Seriously, how is this different than Tamiri asking how many boys she has?

Raizle

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:40 pm

justanothermother wrote:

Seriously, how is this different than Tamiri asking how many boys she has?

It is different because raizy brought up a personal topic and started talking about her own son on her own accord, so questions of that nature are in order

I on the other hand did not say anything at all about anyone in my personal life and made no mention of any family members.

but I think we are getting off topic here Wink

raizy

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 8:55 pm

its no secret he is 8 and half yrs. he makes our life very intresting .... he can be an angel and he can be a devil . but so what so can all the kids out there. as long as u take it with a grain of salt.

all kids can be diffucult and all kids can have good days. but dont ever call your kid a mounster or a terror.

my sil called her nephew from the outer side a mounster . why bc he turned over the pots and pans and he turnes over all the toys. he runs around and yells and screams. like all normal boys do.

I am glad she doesnt see what my boys are up too. who knows what she will call them.

mom21n2

Mon, May 05 2008, 1:35 pm

Just curious, but how many moms here have a son(s) who at age 3 or 4 did NOT: refuse to listen/call names/hit/need time outs (not just once but repeatedly over a several month period)? My DS has had a spat of this behavior (beginning around when he got siblings, if you are looking for his "reason" to be "angry") and it sounds like many others have the same experience with their boys as well. Doesn't this happen with everyone?

Clarissa

Mon, May 05 2008, 1:42 pm

mom21n2 wrote:

It didn't happen here at that age. He never hit anyone or called names, but he started the not listening thing much later, at around 6 or so. Earlier he was really easy. From 6 or 7 on, more rebellious and challenging.

Motek

Tue, May 06 2008, 9:30 am

mom21n2 wrote:

Sounds like it would be more likely if they go to playgroup where they learn poor behavior from other children or, like you say, younger children are born and they feel displaced. Happens with girls too.