Is 13 old enough to leave your child alone.

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:36 pm

Quote:

Side point, is there any way ever to leave a sibling babysitting at night where they, and everyone else is sleeping?
Not appropriate for me yet, as my oldest is 10, but sometimes when the house is quiet, I wonder what Id do when shes a bit older, if I could nip out with my husband.

Not until she's old enough to babysit, period. Otherwise, if something happened ch'v, she's not old enough to take care of her siblings. So she shouldn't be in charge in the first place, even if it's quiet.

And I don't want to tell you how many times my teens have gotten a babysitting job where "everyone is sleeping" and as soon as the parents leave, baby wakes up screaming. They hold baby the whole time. 10 minutes before parents come home, he finally falls asleep again....and parents think they left a sitter who was doing nothing.

4g01o

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:37 pm

No way!!
I wouldn't even leave my 15 and 13 year old son's on their own without younger kids. They'd probably kill each other Hiding

Definitely not to look after younger siblings!
And I would never leave one on their own, that's lonely at best, and a disaster at worst.

Poor boy.

amother

Hydrangea

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:38 pm

amother Copper wrote:

My mother used to do this to me. I used to sit at the window crying, and when they'd pull up in the driveway, I'd scoot into bed and pretend to be asleep. I was so scared being home at night at that age, with no adult.

My daughter is 10 I used go to local vort or sheva brachos that is within 5 min drive and other kids sleeping- no babies or toddlers under 5 I have a phone and she keeps in touch with me and I let her know when and where I’m upto and if she needs me I went straight home. If it’s a further simcha or need to stay more than an hour I get a babysitter. I personally was left alone age 12-13 to watch younger siblings -babies crying screaming for an hour with no knowledge when my parents wld be back. And age 17 was left alone for few days with bunch of siblings- was not upto it at all now I struggle with responsibility and work hard not to put a burden on my kids. I’m trying to avoid having my daughter be alone for short times even.

amother

Clear

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:42 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

We’ve added an adult family member (nephew/niece who is over 20 - same gender as the 13yo) and figured between them it’s ok - one of them knows the house, everyone’s schedule etc and the other is an actual adult.

Re: “actual adult” - this is definitely kid dependent even if legally it is ok. I have a 22-year old child that perpetually loses their keys/can’t drive/basically not like an adult in anyway other than chronological age. I would leave this DC on their own overnight, but never in charge of younger siblings.

amother

Maple

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:45 pm

Fab4 wrote:

No way!!
I wouldn't even leave my 15 and 13 year old son's on their own without younger kids. They'd probably kill each other Hiding

Definitely not to look after younger siblings!
And I would never leave one on their own, that's lonely at best, and a disaster at worst.

Poor boy.

I have the best memories of when my parents went away for 2-3 days.
We were 7, 12, 13 and 15.
It was so so much fun! One sister was in charge of supper, another was starting loads, another was hanging and folding.
We killed each other as siblings! But it was magic when they left. I guess the teamwork helped here...

ETA- we were only girls at that point

amother

Sunflower

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:45 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Uh, some people get married at 18

I know a girl who got engaged at 17 and married at 18 because of things like this. She wanted to go away to seminary, her mom said no, I need your help here. She wanted then to go to local sem, mom still said no I need your help here. Girl then wanted to go to college... mom said no. So girl got engaged at 17 and married at 18 and it was a while before she had children. She was the oldest of many, her mother leaned on her a LOT for things like what's mentioned in this thread.

amother

Broom

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

A friend told me she can’t wait for her daughter to turn 13 so she can leaver her home alone with the kids while she vacations.
Said child is a drop younger, so I’m hoping she herself will realize it’s wrong when she gets to that age, because now she kept saying you do you, and I’ll do me to all my arguments.
As if it’s an opinion that it’s unsafe and not a fact.

Is this for real?

I’ll bite but work on hoping this is not…

(Ok, first if all the mother *said* it but has not actually done it yet. Lets hope she has some sense knocked into her before then).

Do you mean a 7th/8th grader will be expected to:

Take care of herself, siblings, wake them, dress, get them to school/babysitter, be home to pick them up, cook and feed, clean, shop, laundry, make decisions in an emergency, have siblings actually listen to her-but if they dont also be able to make wise decisions and properly care for them, deal with any household emergencies, deal with any medical emergencies, go to school, do her own homework, and hoooold on…be left alone in a house overnight (multiple nights!) by HERSELF?!?!?!?!?!?

B”H I cant wrap my head around this.

Shomer psa’im Hashem…

PS: This is the type of sakana situation where one has to get involved (if and when it becomes a reality and the parents actually leave). A trusted relative, rav, school… to come and take over.

4g01o

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 1:58 pm

amother Maple wrote:

That sounds like a blast.
Mine are boys, a bit different. Also I find if there was a 3rd, like my 10 year old as well it would help a bit. I'm not sure why. Just 2 together is more risky. No witnesses for fights etc! Smile

amother

Copper

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:03 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

My friend was planning to leave her (very mature & responsible)

I was always considered to be super mature and responsible as a kid.
As an adult I feel so sorry for those very mature and responsible kids like myself. We never got to be kids. We were mini adults.

amother

Broom

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:07 pm

amother Maple wrote:

There was a FIFTEEN year old there (along WITH another teen and preteen. All girls).

I would never leave that situation either but you cannot compare a fifteen year old to “waiting until my kid just turns THIRTEEN” and leaving...

Sorry it is outright sakana. And especially these days…

amother

Maple

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:11 pm

amother Broom wrote:

You're 1000% right!
13 is way too young to leave alone overnight.
OP, does your friend have an older niece that can join them in the afternoons and nights?

watergirl

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:20 pm

amother Broom wrote:

It's still not ok if the oldest in charge is 15. It's still illegal and it's still neglect.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:23 pm

I didnt read the responses.

But whats the reason? Medical reason?

Is the mom having a baby? Like I am iyh soon and yes I will leave my 9th grader home with all the younger kids and my husband will sleep home and he doesnt need to sleep with me at the hosp.. although he will get home late. So she will still have supper, bathtime...

Or is it vacation?

amother

DarkCyan

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:29 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

OP says vacation!

amother

Heather

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:45 pm

I would leave my mature, responsible 13 year old to babysit for 2 hours, with a neighbor on call for emergencies, and I am a phone call and short drive away.
Overnight? I think he'd need to be 18 (at which point I know he'll never be home in any case!)

amother

Broom

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:46 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

Yes, you did only not read the responses but obviously also have not read the OP.

1. You daughter is presumably fifteen or turning fifteen not “just turning 13”

2. Your DH will be there overnight and in the morning…what are we even comparing?!?

3. You and DH will be RIGHT THERE. Your DD does NOT need to take care of emergencies and if gets too overwhelming you DH will come right home.

The OP said: “neighbor cant wait till her DD just turns 13 already so her and DH can go on vacation and she can run the house”…

(As an aside, I never understand this. I get not reading whole threads and still posting, but why literally commenting on an actual OP that you haven't even read through?)