Ugh I feel so guilty- sleep training

amother

Viola

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:04 pm

amother Maple wrote:

Just coming back to clarify that point - of course I try to comfort a crying baby in the car, check if something is bothering them etc. but if you need to get somewhere and the baby needs to be taken with, there are times you have no option but to let the baby cry. Sometimes you’re the driver, sometimes even sitting in the back seat singing to them they cry anyway. Some babies hate the car seat and they will cry no matter what. And if you’re stuck in traffic or it’s a long drive, it can be for a long time. It’s not safer to take the baby out of the car seat, though I admit I’ve done that too.

I've pulled over on Long drives to soothe crying babies. Usually when I'm the only adult in the car.
If that made my trip take 3 hours instead of 1.5, so be it.
I would never hold the baby in a moving car, thats just plain stupid and reckless.
I once pulled over next to a specific building right off a major highway to feed my baby. It's over a year later, and every time we pass it, my older one always says "right when I was a baby you stopped there to feed me" (because in his mind, I pulled over whenever I had to feed the baby, so that means I did it for him, too)

I'm just going to put mushkamothers quote here again because it bears repeating

mushkamothers wrote:

I'm a bit astounded, sleep training aside, at just a lot of misinformation here. Like it's sad that we have babies and raise babies and culturally treasure babies but people really have no idea about what and how babies development works. It's not a blame, it's an observation, this is why I started sharing this info. How can we be the best mothers we want to be if we don't even know what we're doing.

amother

Ebony

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:13 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Here is actual research. Stop listening to mom shamers. Speak to your pediatrician about what age is appropriate. Good sleep is paramount to maternal mental health, which is in turn much more important for the development of healthy children. -Frum Psychologist, mother of several, emotionally healthy survivors of sleep training!

https://publications.aap.org/p.....ltext

That study is over a decade old. We now understand how elevated cortisol levels can cause damage in the brain and can be a real trauma. Honestly though this doesn’t need research. It should be common sense to a mother to not abandon their baby and let them cry. It goes against maternal instincts. Society’s expectations are causing moms to do the unjustifiable which is unfortunate.

Michelle123

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:18 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

Just because it is a decade old doesn't mean its bad research! They followed the cohort for 5 years! We know poor maternal mental health does serious damage to children- if mom needs sleep- you need to make that happen. OP- speak to your pediatrician. Only you, your spouse, and your doctor know what is best for your family!

amother

Plum

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:19 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

Still haven’t seen evidence on your side!

amother

Jade

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:22 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Having a difference of opinion is not mom shaming. We need to stop throwing around the term.

amother

Ebony

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:30 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Mmm the way people “disagree” on this site about this topic is typically full of shame. Def reread many of the posts here and on other threads about sleep training.

Posters come across strong as babies are suffering as they CIO due to the neglect and abandonment, regardless of how well intentioned and misinformed their moms are. As a mom no need to take it personally, rather one needs to reflect and reevaluate if they are parenting their baby properly by leaving them to CIO.

amother

Ebony

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:31 pm

Michelle123 wrote:

Another example of shaming:It should be common sense to a mother to not abandon their baby and let them cry. It goes against maternal instincts.

No need to get so defensive. It should be common sense. Perhaps redirect your anger towards protecting vulnerable babies who are being left to cry for hours on end.

amother

Plum

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:34 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

I’m not asking for an explanation. Just responding the poster who said there’s no shaming happening here 😊

Michelle123

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:37 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

No need to get so defensive. It should be common sense. Perhaps redirect your anger towards protecting vulnerable babies who are being left to cry for hours on end.

I'm not angry or defensive and I've never allowed my child to cry for hours on end. I don't think most people who sleep train do- crying for hours on end is not sleep training. It means there is something wrong and the child needs help. That is not how sleep training works. You are the one who seems emotional. But calling new moms lazy and selfish is unproductive communication.

amother

Maple

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:40 pm

It’s truly impossible to argue with anyone whose underlying assumption is that some mothers are comfortable “neglecting and abandoning” their chicken. Every thread like this goes in circles because it’s apparently impossible for some people to understand that the health and comfort of the family as whole is as much a factor as the very debatable trauma to the infant caused by sleep training. You have trouble listening to your baby cry, that’s fine and understandable. No need to justify it with ad hominem attacks on mothers doing their best, who take their children into consideration just as you do.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Maple wrote:

In those cases, what many people do is stop in a safe location and take baby out, calm him/her down, nurse and/or comfort, let his/her little muscles stretch, and then put baby back in carseat and continue.

amother

Ebony

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:50 pm

amother Maple wrote:

The infant shouldn’t have to suffer and be neglected on behalf of the family unit. They shouldn’t be the sacrifice here. Something else should give and be adjusted. The vulnerable infant shouldn’t be the one to accommodate.

amother

Strawberry

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:53 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

All the mothers who say sleep training us "cruel"

Do you send your babies to babysitters?

Yes I do, I work full time, respond to her over night and up for the day by 6 AM. She has loving teachers at daycare. Is obsessed with them and her friends. I don’t see the connection between the two.

amother

Maple

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 1:00 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

If the data was indisputably clear that trauma from sleep training was definite and life-altering, I’d agree. It’s not, so I stand by what I said.

amother

Jade

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 1:06 pm

Michelle123 wrote:

Shaming Examples: Even if CIO may be "quicker". Wanting a quick fix is the lazy, selfish, way out

I don't call this mom shaming. Some things ought to be said the way it ought to be said.
Mom shaming is a the new term to use when one doesn't like what they hear. It's the same trend as finding everything offensive.