S/o minhagim being taken too far.

amother

Hyssop

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:12 am

amother Wheat wrote:

DH's family eats no fish on Pesach. I always disliked this minhag but learned to accept it. His grandfather took on the minhag from his wife's family. DH was told a number of years ago that since it's his father's minhag, it's his mesorah and he needs to keep it. However, DH is planning to ask again, since at this point, he feels that it's ruining simchas yom tov for my kids (who wish they can have salmon), and I had such aggravation erev yom tov trying to get the falshe fish mixture to hold together. He wants to be matir neder.

My DH doesn't either eat fish on Pesach. Guess what? I do. So I make fish and falshe fish. DH and whichever one of my kids want to keep his minhag, get served falshe fish while I and whichever one of my kids don't like falshe fish, get served salmon. Presto! Problem solved.

I think the way we do it in my house is actually teaching my kids the importance of compromising, being flexible, and that if you want to keep certain minhagim, you can keep them without putting it on someone else. At the same time, I am showing them that even though I don't keep this minhag, I respect that other people do, and I make and serve them food that allows them to keep this minhag. Mutual respect, win win.

essie14

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:31 am

There's no way that my great grandparents had separate pesach pots and dishes. Everything got kashred.
Maybe I should follow this "mesorah"
They also never heard of plastic tablecloths or ziploc bags. I guess I should follow this "mesorah" as well.
The list of foods they didn't eat on Pesach (or during their entire lives for that matter) is longer than my arm.
They also didn't use the internet to plan chol hamoed trips. I guess I should follow that as well.
They probably didn't even go on chol hamoed trips, I guess that's another thing I'm violating.

So my point is, who decided what's mesorah and what's plain and simple " the times they are a'changing"?

If garlic was stored with chametz, then when that happens of course someone shouldn't use it. But when the garlic is 100% chametz free why can't you use it? Etc. Etc. Etc.

keym

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:38 am

The problem that I see in my world is that it turns into a competition. Who "sacrifices" more on Pesach. Who works harder. Who's family eats the least.
Martyr Olympics.

And then girls marry. And look down on their husbands family for all their lack of sacrifices.

A girl who was raised squeezing all juice marries a man who buys OJ. Many girls will start insisting that the take on the more restrictive from both sides. Or go along with the husband's "lower standards" by make comments all alone.

I see it with acquaintances who started using products, started eating gebrochts, started not peeling everything. They make it out like their in-laws are eating chametz mamash.

PinkFridge

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:43 am

Generally, when someone wants to take on a chumra, e.g. CY or yoshon, it's because they've been learning the halachos and decide, this is the most appropriate way to fulfill the mitzvah.
Sometimes people have chumras because this was how their families did something, e.g. we've always kept CY.
But when it comes to Pesach, people generally don't take on their own chumras. They do what their family has done. Which really does go with the whole idea of Pesach and mesorah (vehigadeta l'vincha, anyone?).
I don't know how this plays out with some hanhagos that sound more like cutting off the edges of the roast because of the pot, and how best to do the mitzvah, taking into consideration that on Pesach there's no bitul b'shishim and we are extra careful. So to err on the side of caution, I'll try extra hard to be respectful.

gamanit

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:57 am

amother Candycane wrote:

Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean it’s absurd.
We don’t use plastic. Not tablecloth or container or anything else that touches food ( a plastic knife handle is ok)
The reason is because they use cornstarch when they make it. Or at least that’s what I was told

What do you do for beverages? No bottled drinks? Or only glass seltzer bottles? (I don't know of any other drink that you can buy in glass bottles)

amother

Fern

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:13 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

There's this story of a man going to his rebbe complaining his wife is not bending over backwards to accommodate all his chumros for Pesach. He wanted her to make most things from scratch etc etc. And she just wasn't willing or able to.

The rebbe asked the man if he makes his own matzo and wine to which he responded in the negative "because those are almost impossible to make on your own" .

The rebbe strongly told him " the things that are your responsibility you outsource but you expect your wife to do everything else?"

Side point:
I grew up with many chumros/minhagim/ customs that my husband's family doesn't have. My husband doesn't mind if I want to keep them but only until it affects anyone negatively. The is still a mitzvah of simchas yomtov on Pesach too!

I always tell my husband (his father has chumros till the sky) that if the men wld be the ones cooking and making pesach I am sure they’d cater all the food.

Amelia Bedelia

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:26 pm

gamanit wrote:

What do you do for beverages? No bottled drinks? Or only glass seltzer bottles? (I don't know of any other drink that you can buy in glass bottles)

People with such extreme minhagim would NEVER buy commercial drinks on Pesach.
They probably get glass seltzer and grape juice, if they don't make their own. They probably store all water before Pesach

Amelia Bedelia

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:31 pm

Most people know that it's all minhagim, and they're not better than others for being stricter. This is precisely the reason why most people who are very careful to avoid gebrokts all Pesach also have a minhag to specifically eat gebrokts on Acharon shel Pesach, to show that we know that it's not halacha.

Please excuse me while I go make my matzah meal for the kneidlach for tomorrow night.

cnc

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:40 pm

gamanit wrote:

What do you do for beverages? No bottled drinks? Or only glass seltzer bottles? (I don't know of any other drink that you can buy in glass bottles)

Interestingly enough- I know someone who only drinks from glass seltzer bottles and grape juice and no other drinks ….
I hadn’t realized it’s the plastic that’s the issue .

amother

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:42 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

Trust me, even for people who use many ingredients, it is far from "same old" and is very different from what is eaten on a regular yt or a regular week. Pesach is still very special, happy time for them too.

Exactly, we have a lot of foods that we only make for pesach, and trust me cakes and biscuits with potato starch taste very different, more the texture is different than Chometz cakes. It's all very different, we just get creative and do our best to feed all the hungry tummies Smile

gamanit

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 12:45 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

I was thinking of water... I don't know any water sold in glass bottles. I guess they can save glass bottles to fill with water themselves before Yom Tov?

amother

Petunia

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Isn’t most of the Seder itself based off minhagim?

If the seder was just minhag, then we would have a million different version of the actual haggadah. But the seder has a fixed haggada that we read and halachos about what must be done. And yes, like pretty much any Jewish practice there are also minhagim that go with it. But the main requirements of the seder are halachic not minhag.

amother

Petunia

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:08 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Someone on this site said they don't eat machine matza ever because they hold it is chametz that's not sold on Pesach so can't be eaten. Some people know, and some people really don't know.

amother

Alyssum

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:11 pm

gamanit wrote:

I was thinking of water... I don't know any water sold in glass bottles. I guess they can save glass bottles to fill with water themselves before Yom Tov?

That's what we used to do What

. We only drank water and grape juice anyway. Oh and tea from tea leaves.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:22 pm

My friend's husband's family have loads of chumras from their mothers family, my friend told her husband seems like on your family the minhag is to take minhagim from the mothers family and in my family we don't have these chumras so I guess we don't have to keep them, he was fine with it.
I also don't get these extreme chumras, to me it seems like it's a hobby for some people to collect chumras.
My father is a bit like that and we had a bunch of chumros growing up, mainly very limited ingredients. It wasn't minhag since my fathers family eat lost of bought stuff.
DH family basically buy anything in the shop with a decent hechsher but my fil is for some odd reason very particular about gebrokts like no spreading anything on matza because apparently a bit liquid might seep in, which I don't get because no one thinks that gebrokts is actually chametz and technically their minhag from a couple generations ago they did eat gebrokts. They also don't buy products with cottonseed oil as their rav said it's kitnios a few years ago, DH says that he remembers having all that growing up so his minhag is to eat all of those and most rabbanim say cottonseed oil is not kitnios.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:25 pm

My mother has a friend who's husband told her that his minhag is not to sell anything over Pesach and so she has to physically clean everything in the house from chametz, even crumbs 🤯
Imo this guy is pretty abusive.

amother

Petunia

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 1:28 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

Even if they're not selling anything surely they still do kol chamira?